


Everything You Want

by how_to_sit_gay



Category: Ocean's 8 (2018), Ocean's Eleven Trilogy (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Be prepared for the ride folks, Debbie and Lou are both idiots, F/F, Flashbacks, Slow Burn, Tammy is the only sane one, from the characters' and the author's side, have you ever gotten annoyed with your characters?, sarcastic people being sarcastic, tammy deserves the world for putting up with them, there is a lot of swearing and exasperation, this will take a while
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-07-11 13:18:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 39,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15973109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_to_sit_gay/pseuds/how_to_sit_gay
Summary: Eight words stared back at her. Eight words that shouldn’t have surprised her at all, but still felt like a kick to the gut.“Guilty. Six years with a chance for parole.”





	1. I'd love to rewind the clock

**Author's Note:**

> Okay folks, this is it.
> 
> This is the first fic I've written in at least five years, and my first wlw fic ever, even though I started my fanfic and shipping career with femslash 15 years ago. It's like a milestone for me. 
> 
> Just a few explainations beforehand, so you know what you're getting yourself into. 
> 
> The following chapters are each inspired by a record of the German band Luxuslärm (which disbanded two years ago, I'm still not over it) called „Alles, was du willst“ („everything you want“). So in the end we might end up with 14 chapters, maybe one more, maybe one less.  
> Since I'm well aware that none to few of you are fluent in German (heya Sandy Bullock, if you read this!) I translated every song more or less accurately (I s2g the lyrics look so stupid in English) and I will add them to the notes section at the end of each chapter. I might even add a link to the actual song if one's around, cos I just love Jini's voice and y'all should to.
> 
> That being said, you might have already figured out that English is not my native language, so I'm truly sorry if anything comes off horribly wrong or I make stupid spelling mistakes. PLEASE be so kind to message me if you find anything so I can fix it.

August 2012

 

She knew this was a bad idea, she really did, but somehow her feet had carried her right here without her brain even uttering a conscious thought about this whole endeavour. And now she was sitting in the back of a room she never wanted to see the inside of.

With a barely concealed sigh, Lou ran a hand through her short blonde hair and put the hood of her sweater back on. For once in her life, she had actually made an effort to not stand out like a sore – albeit attractive – thumb and it only added to the discomfort she felt at the moment.

She was just short of getting up and leaving again, when the backdoor of the room opened and two correctional officers entered. And then there she was, stepping into the spotlight as if this had been her plan all along and she was exactly where she wanted to be.  But Lou knew, oh how she knew. After almost fifteen years conning and living together, Lou could read the brunette like a book. Or at least she thought she could until –

 

Until.

 

Taking a deep breath and rubbing her face with both her hands, the Australian tried to focus on the front of the court room again. In spite of most of the brunette’s bravado being fake, Lou had to admire her for her poised exterior and unfaltering steps under these daunting circumstances. Even just sitting at the defendants’ table and looking around she managed to scare and make the court employees at the side fumble.

Lou could barely suppress a grin.

 

_“Oh babe, you truly remind me of the ocean.”_

_“Lou, I swear to God, if this is one of your bad puns about my name again, I will strangle you very slowly in your sleep with your favourite necklace!”_

_“I was actually about to say that it’s cos you’re salty and scare people, but it’s case in point I guess.”_

_“I will find myself a new partner as soon as I’ve – “_

_“Thrown my cold dead but still gorgeous body into the... ocean?”_

 

_It took her three days, a constant stream of near-death experiences by death glare, and a pinkie-swear to limit her number of puns about Debbie’s last name to two per week to get the brunette to talk to her again, but in the end Lou emerged with an immunity to the Ocean’s patented icy stare. Also, her puns had improved remarkably since Debbie actually kept a tally. She had to make them count now after all._

It was quite an exhausting experience, watching this trial pan out. The accusing lawyer droned on, the defending lawyer responded in kind, it was all very repetitive. Then it happened, Claude Becker’s testimony was read since he didn’t attend in person.

 _Pathetic, he doesn’t even have the guts to look her in the eyes and repeat his lies_ , Lou thought to herself with gritted teeth. She had to admit though, it was probably for the best. Her blood had already started boiling just hearing his supposed words; who knows what Lou might have done if he had shown is miserable face. As if Debbie had heard her violent thoughts, the brunette sat up straighter in her seat, still apparently responsive to each other even after over half a year of no contact.

The blonde sank deeper on the hard wooden bank. All she wanted to do was to take Debbie home with her, open one or two bottles of cheap wine, and curl up on the sofa watching Judge Judy. Maybe even put a prize out on Becker’s head. Just forget the awful last eight months, their fights, all the bad words they had thrown at each other’s heads. But if she was being honest with herself, the hurt was still sitting way too deep.

This was about more than losing a partner in crime; she had lost her best friend that night when Debbie had decided to pack her things and leave. When she had decided on her own free will that Lou and all they had shared together hadn’t been enough anymore.

It had been a few hard weeks for the blonde after that fateful night, but after smashing a quarter of their until-then shared flat and drowning herself in a crate of vodka bottles, she had somehow been able to pull herself back together, albeit barely. At least enough to go through the motions until months later the news of Debbie’s arrest had hit her like a baseball bat and, in return, she had hit a wall.

To this day, she was still nursing her bruised and bloody knuckles under a somewhat professional bandage she had to thank Tammy for. At least the physical pain distracted her from the emotional one on a semi-regular basis. However, it couldn’t distract her from what came next.

 

“Your honour, may I ask Miss Ocean a few questions?”

 

Lou furrowed her brows. In her opinion, it wouldn’t make any sense to put Debbie up on the witness stand, since all evidence was pointing against her and she probably wouldn’t rat out on Claude fucking Becker. Just thinking his name made her teeth hurt from biting down too hard. Deborah Ocean was a great deal of many things but a snitch wasn’t one of them, even if Lou wanted nothing more in this moment.

 _Honour among thieves_ , the blonde scoffed internally, _only goes that far if one side doesn’t stick to it._

This wouldn’t have happened if she had stayed with Lou, if she hadn’t gotten involved with that douche bag and sad excuse of an artist or art dealer or whatever-he-claimed-to-be, if she hadn’t chosen him over her, if –.

She pressed her fingernails into the palm of her good hand to snap herself out of it. This was neither the right place nor the right time to go down that rabbit hole. Again. Instead she started distracting herself fumbling at the short golden necklace she was wearing. It had become kind of a nervous habit after Debbie had left her and it annoyed her to no end, but she still couldn’t keep herself from reaching out to one of the few reminders of how close they had been once.

 

_“Happy birthday, hon!”_

_“Oh please don’t remind me!”_

_“Lou, you’re turning 30, not 50, so stop whining. It’s not the end of the world, I’ve turned 30 years ago.”_

_“Yeah, and every day I see how well that turned ou– Ouch!”_

_“You’re insufferable. Now, respect your elders and open your present.”_

_“Yes, ma’am!”_

_Lou revelled quietly in the exasperated eye roll the brunette gave her and went to unwrap and open the small box on the table in front of her. It revealed a plain short and golden necklace. The Australian squinted at it suspiciously._

_“Why does this look familiar to me? Did you steal it from a shop we’ve been to recently?”_

_“For one, I’m hurt. I’ve never stolen your birthday or Christmas presents. Don’t look at me like that, it’s true! For two, it looks familiar because I was wearing it the night we met – and God knows why decided to stick together for the rest of our conscious lives. It broke shortly afterwards cos it’s quite old, family heirloom and all, but every time I looked at it I remembered that night. So I decided to get it repaired. And before you ask, I didn’t bully the jeweller into it, I paid him fair and square.”_

_After a moment of silence, a soft smile spread on Lou’s lips as she stroked over the gleaming links. “Thanks, Deb.”_       

 

She was torn out of her reverie as Debbie sat down on the witness stand. Instantly, her heart started beating out of her chest and drowning out every other sound in the room. Everything faded away but Debbie’s face so close but yet so far away from her. The brunette’s lips were moving, but no sound penetrated the thick fog that was clouding Lou’s mind this very second.

Suddenly, with a snap and a bang everything shot into focus again. Instead, it felt to Lou like time stood still as Debbie’s eyes caught hers over the room. If the Ocean was surprised to see her there, she didn’t show it, but the blonde couldn’t shake the feeling that the following words were directed at her and her alone.

 

“I’m not gonna lie and pretend that I’m not guilty of what I’m accused of, and I deserve every punishment that will be thrown my way. I made a terrible mistake and no words can undo the damage I’ve done and the pain I’ve caused. In the end, it all boils down to a simple thing: I’m truly sorry.”

 

Time started ticking again. Lou hoped and prayed to every entity there might be that her face was as blank as she wished it to be. That it wasn’t on display for Debbie and everyone to see how much she wanted to smack the living shit out of the woman walking back to her seat - and maybe hug her senseless afterwards.

However, that was a big maybe. She couldn’t really put her finger on it, but something about Debbie’s words rubbed her the wrong way. Was she sorry for hurting Lou or just for herself for falling for Becker’s schemes and getting caught? The fact that she couldn’t tell anymore strung deeply.

She had seen and heard enough. As quietly as she could and ignoring the confused and irritated looks of some other spectators, she made her way out of the courtroom.

Nobody knew if Debbie noticed her leaving, but the brunette definitely felt the air growing somewhat colder.

 

Back at their – well, her – flat, she tried to keep herself busy with everything and nothing to keep the thoughts from crashing in on her. She was halfway through sorting her vinyls when the almost deafening vibration of her phone made her pause.

Tammy’s name flashed on her phone. She already knew what the text message would say, and she really wasn’t keen on having her thoughts confirmed. Maybe she was also slightly hurt that neither Danny nor – god forbid! – Debbie made the effort tell her the news themselves. Still, she was fairly sure she wouldn’t be able to find any rest until reading the text, anyway. With a shaky inhale she clicked it open.

Eight words stared back at her. Eight words that shouldn’t have surprised her at all, but still felt like a kick to the gut.

 

“Guilty. Six years with a chance for parole.”

 

In a trance Lou made her way to the adjoining bathroom. She splashed cold water in her face and watched with both hands braced on the basin as thin rivulets of mascara made their way down her cheeks. After what felt like hours, she finally found the strength to stand back upright again and with a huff, wiped the dried grey streaks away. However, instead of turning around and walking away, a guttural cry escaped her lips and without thinking she smashed the mirror with her still bandaged fist. After all shards had clattered to the floor, she finally came back to. But so did the pain. Holding her injured hand and cursing herself, she sank to the bathroom floor and propped her back up against the bath tub.

Lou leaned her head back with a groan. Even the piercing pain in her knuckled couldn’t distract her from the uneasy feeling welling up her throat. Suddenly, she felt like she couldn’t breathe anymore. Her attempts to take deep breaths turned out to be futile and she started grasping at her throat and neck until she got hold of the golden necklace. In reality, it was sitting comfortably just above her collar bones, but in this moment it felt as if it was slowly choking her. With all the strength she could muster up right there and then, she pulled at the chain with her good left hand until the clasp broke and the whole thing clattered on the bathroom tiles with a deafening sound.

Slowly, the blonde began to calm down as her breathing evened out. As she tried to get up from her by now uncomfortable position on the floor, she noticed the small red spots forming on her bandage.

“Oh for fuck’s sake”, she muttered quietly to herself. Tammy would so have her head for this, she knew it. Having had a very pregnant and thus very hormonal Tammy fuss over and scold her once had already been quite an experience. But hurting her hand again because she just couldn’t contain her emotions? This would be a hell of a lecture.

As if on autopilot, Lou picked up the broken necklace and threw it into the closest bin. Finally, after so many months in overdrive, her head was pleasantly empty. She came back to herself lying in her bed without any recollection of how she had gotten there or when she had put on her shorts and sleeping shirt.

She was just about to give in to sleep, to let it all just fade away for a few hours, when her eyes snapped open again. She bolted to the other side of the room, almost trapping herself in her blanket in the process.

 _Why throw it away when you can sell it for good money?,_ she reasoned with herself and pulled the necklace back out of bin to lay it down on top of her dresser.

She knew she was fooling herself, she knew she wouldn’t sell it, but she wanted to pretend to not miss Debbie, to not want her best friend back, just for one more second.

                                                  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song/lyrics: You Stop the Clock ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miEzn1Ne5Bk )
> 
> the last two years have run past us  
> we were blind and speechless  
> and didn't recognize each other anymore  
> the last two years riled us up  
> nobody can turn back time, we missed something  
> it doesn't have to be perfect, no, I just want you to know
> 
> that everytime you believe in me  
> and everytime you trust me  
> you stop the clock  
> and everytime I have doubts  
> everytime I just don't know anymore  
> you stop the clock, for me
> 
> the last two hours – I have never seen you like that  
> I would love to rewind the clock, have still so much to tell you  
> the last two hours – with the last of my strength  
> I let you go now, cos you made me strong  
> I know it won't be easy, no, I just want you to know
> 
> that everytime you believe in me  
> and everytime you trust me  
> you stop the clock  
> and everytime I have doubts  
> everytime I just don't know anymore  
> you stop the clock, for me
> 
> Cos you'll always be a part of me and I'll always be a part of you  
> ______
> 
> Okay, the chapter turned out to be a lot darker than the actual song. I just got away with me, sorry!


	2. If you ask me now, everything's great, everything's fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because you’re my friend, I care for you and I can’t and won’t watch you break your own back because you’re unable to deal with Debbie’s absence and the onslaught of feelings that come with it.”  
> Something about that last bit made Lou’s hackles rise and she gripped her cup so tightly that her knuckles stood out white against the dark blue of the porcelain. Taking one, two, three deep breaths, she tried to steady her voice.  
> “What do you mean by that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, sorry for taking so long! I'm right in the middle of moving cities, taking on a new job and all the works. So updates are slower than I'd like them to be.  
> Hence, bad news, folks, but the next chapter definitely won't be up before October 4th. Moving happens in a week on the 29th and to make matters worse I won't have internet at home at least until the 4th. 
> 
> That's it, buckle up and enjoy the ride. Or: "yay, Tammy!"

June 2013

 

“How are you?”

“Peachy as always.”

“Fuck off, Miller, you can feed your lies to your grandma!”

“Probably not. For one she is dead, for two she was a better lie detector than anything the CIA and FBI got going on combined.”

Tammy threw her hands up. “Why the hell am I even bothering?”

“Do tell me if you find out, please”, Lou rebutted with a lopsided grin.

For a moment, both women just sat cradling their respective hot beverages. Plain black coffee for Lou who was nursing quite a hangover, and rooibos tea for Tammy who in turn was still nursing her baby.

“So, how is your little boy doing?”, the Australian tried to pick up the conversation again. Not just to evade the uncomfortable and frustration-ridden silence, but out of genuine interest as well. While she had been sad and disappointed when Tammy had announced her retirement from their truly successful life of crime, deep inside she was glad that at least one of their former trio had found some kind of happiness for herself.

“He’s fine, he’s perfect. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Wow, I’m hurt.”

Tammy playfully slapped Lou’s underarm lying on the table. “Oh shut it. And can we please get back to the issue at hand now before I turn into one of these mom monsters who can’t stop gushing about their baby?”

“What issue? Is something wrong, Tim-Tam?”

“Lou.”

Said woman looked at her friend with wide innocent eyes. “What? I told you I’m fine so I really don’t know what’s this ab –“

Tammy had just about had enough at this point. She only had to slightly raise her voice to repeat her name until Lou visible flinched and made an halfway aborted motion to cover her ears.

“Okay, Miss Louise Miller, let me state the facts. You’re currently hangover, which must’ve taken some real effort since I haven’t seen you that drunk since you got the news of your dead father six years ago”, the younger woman pointed her nicely manicured index finger at the Australian, who was just about to retort something, and gave her a patented mom glare, “I said, shut it. I see faded bruises on your knuckles, and bags under your eyes probably larger and darker than the closest black hole. Lastly, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some hickeys by God knows how many different women somewhere underneath that scarf.”

She made a short pause to give the Australian the chance to deny or maybe even confirm anything, but she was met with only silence. Without missing a beat, she continued with her analysis.

“After Debbie’s trial you vanished from the face of the earth. It took me over half a year to get a hold of you, almost another three to get you to meet me. Lou, I see what’s happening here. You’ve been on a self-destructive bender for God knows how long and this shit really needs to stop right here and now.”

This time it was Tammy who got fixed with an icy glare. “Remind me why this is any of your business.”

The addressed woman leaned back in her chair. “Why? You’re really asking me that? Because you’re my friend, I care for you and I can’t and won’t watch you break your own back because you’re unable to deal with Debbie’s absence and the onslaught of feelings that come with it.”

Something about that last bit made Lou’s hackles rise and she gripped her cup so tightly that her knuckles stood out white against the dark blue of the porcelain. Taking one, two, three deep breaths, she tried to steady her voice.

“What do you mean by that?”

The look Tammy gave her felt too much like pity and rubbed her in all the wrong ways.

“Have you ever thought about why you’re almost completely out of sync with yourself and the world around and everyone in it since Debbie had gotten with Becker? And I mean deep soul-searching thinking.”

“Easy. My best friend started conning with someone else behind my back. Said best friend later on left me for said someone else, the same best friend who then ended up in jail because of the whole shebang”, Lou scoffed. She really wasn’t fond of Tammy’s tendency of getting a read on her.

A knowing glint formed in the younger woman’s eyes as she crossed her arms in front of her body.

“We were best friends as well when I decided to leave our little _trio infernale_. I know you were sad, hurt, and very emotional back then, but you didn’t work yourself up about it like this.”

“That was different.”

“How so?”

The Australian opened her mouth to give a profound and well thought out answer, but closed it again without uttering a word. She could’ve replied that it was because she still had had Debbie at that time, that Tammy had somehow still been around to a certain extent – these reasons weren’t wrong, but somehow it felt like they failed to convey the whole truth.

Something in her started to stir, something she wasn’t ready to face. So Lou did the one thing she had perfected within the last twelve months: she pushed it far away from herself and ran.

“I would’ve preferred if you’d just gushed about your boy”, she all but snarled and threw a ten dollar bill onto the table before striding out of the café without looking back.

 

Out. She needed to get out, fast. Out of town and especially out of her own mind. She felt the air flowing around her body as she pushed the bike between her legs to higher and higher speed. Out, faster.

Soon she crossed the Northern city borders – clearly due to some not allowed overtaking maneuvers – and felt like she could at least breathe again. Lou did not stop, however. Only when daylight turned to dusk and the tank started running out on gasoline, she realised she had been mindlessly driving for almost four hours and was only a stone’s throw away from Vermont.

At the next best gas station she refilled the bike and in turn herself with caffeine. She really was not a big fan of driving these long distances in the dark, but she wasn’t fond of conning her way into some motel bed right now, either. Coffee in hand, she sat down at the side of the road and looked up at the stars that had just started to appear in the night sky. Without the big city’s light pollution, she was able to make out at least the most basic constellations she remembered from her lifetime under the wide open Australian sky.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get a mental grasp on the last hours. Considering the ground she’d covered in this comparably short amount of time, she had been going well over the speed limit. To make matters worse, she had also been hung over. Groaning, Lou rubbed her face. This shouldn’t have happened. This was exactly the kind of reckless driving Debbie had always worried and freaked out about.  

_“Pinky swear it!”_

_“Are you serious? Deborah Ocean, aspiring criminal master mind, we are both over thirty now, don’t you think this might come across as a tiny little bit immature?”_

_“Says the woman who still won’t stop blowing bubbles into her milk shake”, Debbie deadpanned with arms crossed in front of her body._

_The blonde just shrugged casually. “Oral fixation, never gotten any complaints ‘bout that”, she replied with a wink._

_She was rewarded with a groan full of exasperation. “Lou, babe, I’m being fucking serious here.”_

_“I know, I am, too”, Lou replied while taking both of Debbie’s hands in her own, “but you don’t have anything to worry about. We both know I’m a pretty awesome and capable driver.”_

_In return, the brunette squeezed their hands a bit tighter together. “I got all the firsthand knowledge of that, alright, but even as a criminal I know that there is a difference between ‘over the speed limit’ and what you’re doing sometimes. And don’t get me started on some of your overtaking stunts.”_

_“How do you even know about that? I’m always on my best behaviour when you’re with me! I’d never put you in any kind of danger, you know that.”_

_Debbie slowly shook her head and with a sigh let the Australian’s hands fall back into her lap. Exhaustion was strong in her voice when she spoke up again._

_“This isn’t about me, you dense nitwit. I’m worried about you. Always. Most of the time it’s okay, but when you leave after a fight or in any kind of emotional turmoil and drive off on that bike, I’m always so afraid you'll hurt yourself – or even worse – and… I don’t know if I could bear that.”_

_“Deborah Ocean, are you trying to tell me in way too many words that you care?”_

_“Of course I – “, the brunette noticed the sly smile spreading on her friend’s lips, “ – Oh, you fucking asshole, don’t make fun of me, I’m having a very honest moment here!”_

_Lou was up from her seat and enveloped Debbie into a tight hug before the latter even had the chance to get herself worked up even more about the whole situation. For all the fun she liked to poke at the Ocean, Lou cherished these rare moments of unashamed honesty._

_“It’s okay, love. I try to tone my adventurous driving down. Can’t have you go all grey haired on me already from all that worrying.”_

_Without breaking the embrace, Debbie lightly smacked the back of Lou’s head and chuckled quietly before returning to a more somber tone of voice._

_“You and Danny are the closest thing to family I have. And that dumbass just got himself into prison again. I can’t stand the thought of losing you somehow as well, you know?”_

_“I know, Deb. And if it makes you feel any better…”, the blonde pulled herself away just enough to wiggle her right little finger in front of Debbie’s nose, “I’m ready to make my pledge official.”_

_With an eye roll and a little smile on her lips, Debbie pushed Lou’s hand out of her face. “Nah, I think I’m good now. But thanks.”_

_“Alright, but don’t complain later.” The Australian started to saunter off into the kitchen, but stopped short and turned around again. “Debs?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“You know I’m serious as well, right?”_

_“Yes. But now that I’m thinking about it…”_

_Lou raised an eyebrow and started bracing herself for whatever was to come next. Debbie fixed her with a halfway serious, halfway mocking glare._

_“What did you mean by just ‘aspiring’?!”_

To Lou, the scent of the shampoo Debbie had used back then was hanging heavily in the air. Mint with a dash of apple. If she kept her eyes closed, maybe she could feel arms around her as well, she hoped.

It was to no avail. The memory ran through her fingers like sand and disappeared into the sea. In an attempt to give her fingers something else to hold onto, she fumbled for a cigarette. Another nervous habit she had picked up within the last year.

She watched the smoke slowly disappear into the night sky and felt it calm her frayed nerves. All these random trips down memory lane and flashbacks constantly popping up really had been taking a toll on her.

She flicked away the remaining stubble and watched as the last ambers died out slowly. Frustrated, because she could already feel the tension building up inside again, she got on her bike and began the long drive back.

This had to end, some way or another. Still, she tried to stay sharp while driving this time around - there was at least one bottle of high percentage alcohol waiting for her in her apartment, after all.

 

A few nights, a few bottles of vodka, and countless tries to either get away or yet better completely forget her confusing feelings and constant onslaughts of memories later, Lou found herself wide awake in the darkness of some woman’s bedroom, unable to sleep. Sure, the sex had been good, but apparently not good enough to subdue the mindless race in her head. Her fingers itched for a cigarette.

She contemplated if grabbing the pack from her leather pants – somewhere on the floor, right? – and making a quick trip to the balcony was worth leaving the warmth of the covers, when her eyes roamed absentmindedly over the woman lying next to her.

Long brunette hair covered her face from the world, but the blonde still remembered the warm chocolate coloured eyes that came with it. Suddenly, a realisation about all the women and girls she had gone home with within the last months hit her like a ton of bricks.

„This bloody stupid dumbass idiot woman!“ Lou all but screamed into the pillow. Slowly and with a sense of dread, she glanced at the woman beside her. Fortunately, she was still fast asleep.

Without a sound, she grabbed her clothes and slunk out into the living room to dress herself. For a split second the thought about leaving a note for Abby – or was it Amy? She really had lost track – crossed her mind, but in the end she decided against it.

Dawn was still an hour away as she silently pulled the apartment door closed behind her. The early morning air bit on her flushed cheeks, but it still wasn’t able to cool down her agitated mind.

It almost hurt her physically just thinking, let alone admitting, it but maybe Tammy had been right. Maybe she really needed to get her shit together and stop lying to herself.

Yes, she still cared. In quiet moments, when she was all alone with her thoughts – which she consistently had been trying to avoid for the exact same reason – she cared more than she could comprehend. And she started wondering. This was then usually the point when she either went to grab one or too many drinks or a pretty girl, or both.

This had to stop. Apparently, she had to face her thoughts and problems head on to get a handle on them. If this was this ‘mature behaviour’ everyone was going on about, she genuinely wasn’t fond of the whole concept.

With a short flick of her wrist she looked at the time. 4:23 a.m. Shrugging her shoulders at no one in particular, she pulled out her phone and hit a number she hadn’t dialed in a long long time. A small mischievous smile was playing around her lips as she listened to the dial tone of Danny’s phone. He would be so thrilled about her call at this ungodly hour.

But as they say, no rest for the wicked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I'm wondering if I should do a series of drabbles called "X times Lou and Debbie were sarcastic meanies bc they are too daft to just outright say how much they love each other"
> 
> This song is called "Verschenkt" / given (it) away --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJGWP6fhDuA
> 
> If you ask me now, everything's great, everything's fine  
> I feel good, the world's nice  
> I never would've thought I'd forget you this quickly  
> Days are short, nights are long  
> And I don't think of you anymore  
> It's so far I away, I don't miss it
> 
> Don't miss how you laugh how you cry how you sleep and what you dream about  
> Don't miss how you talk how you stay silent, every kiss I miss out on now  
> Don't miss how you laugh how you cry what you do and what you think about  
> Are you lying awake, are you asking yourself, am I asking myself have we given it away  
> what have we given away
> 
> If you ever ask me – do you really believe I have an answer  
> Would you even care or are you not thinking of me anymore  
> time has come, I don't miss it
> 
> Don't miss how you laugh how you cry how you sleep and what you dream about  
> Don't miss how you talk how you stay silent, every kiss I miss out on now  
> Don't miss how you laugh how you cry what you do and what you think about  
> Are you lying awake, are you asking yourself, am I asking myself have we given it away  
> what have we given away  
> what have we given away


	3. I'm drunk and lying here sober in this big bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that she was trying to tone down her drinking habits, she needed something else to occupy her mind with. She was one second away from tapping on the next best mindless game, when the phone vibrated in her hand.
> 
> One look on the popped up notification and the air was knocked out of her lungs.  
> ___  
> The chapter in which we start to incorporate Debbie's pov a bit more and get to the beginning of the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG FOLKS I'M SO SORRY!
> 
> Let me tell you, moving cities, simultaneously starting a new job AND buying (and installing) a new kitchen is the worst idea ever. I actually wrote most of this chapter at work cos I was too busy with my apartment when I got home. I only got a desk chair today (which is apparently a necessity for me to write) and the kitchen is still table- and chairless.  
> To make matters worse, I started crushing on a local girl one week before I moved away..  
> In summary: the last 4 weeks have been hell, but I'm back at my gay bullshit now.

Just as Lou had anticipated, Danny hadn’t been thrilled to be woken up at the „goddamn ass crack of dawn, Miller!”, but he hadn’t been able to hide the smile in his voice when she’d told him her plan, either.

It had come to no surprise to her that Debbie had already established a sound contraband system within her first weeks of being incarcerated – she hadn’t expected anything less of her favourite Ocean. It had been almost effortless to add a little something to the next delivery. Danny had pointed her to the right people, and a few drinks later a small box had wandered over the table top from the blonde to the somewhat shady and badly dressed guy opposite her.

Almost three weeks had passed since then and Lou still had no clue if her little present had ever made it to Debbie at all. She let her feet dangle through the metal railing of the fire escape platform and took a long pull from her cigarette. The only security she had that the weird guy hadn’t sacked it was the knowledge that Danny would probably rip him a new one if he found out about it. She silently smiled to herself. Even after all the shit that had gone down and the nasty fall out, the older Ocean still treated her like family and outright refused to stop doing so.

 

“ _Don’t you worry about it, Lou, just because you and Debbie bumped heads doesn’t mean I care for you any less. As far as I can tell, you didn’t screw her over, so I refuse to take sides.”_

_Lou scoffed at that, refusing to meet Danny’s eyes. “Evidence rather points in the opposite direction, anyway.”_

“ _Well, I don’t know, cos both of you annoying pigheads refuse to talk about it. But honestly? I’m not surprised, I always knew you two were destined to collide one day. I just hoped it would be in a different way”, he sighed and handed her a bottle of beer._

“ _What do you mean?” Lou furrowed her brows, gratefully taking it from him._

 _The Ocean was quick to dismiss her question. “It doesn’t matter now. What matters is, to me you’re still the_ cool _little sister I always wanted, so suck it up, Miller.”_

_A small snort left Lou’s lips. “You’re such a jerk.”_

_Danny laughed unashamedly. “Well, Debbie had to get her dazzling personality from somewhere!”_

_The blonde's smile slowly turned into a frown. Finally, her eyes flit to the Ocean next to her and he was taken aback by the magnitude of sadness he saw in the blue orbs._

_Looking away again, she raised her bottle into the air. A weary whisper escaped her lips. “Cheers to that.”_

 

That had been ages ago. Time had blurred so much in the last few years, she wasn't even sure any more about the beginning of the end. In this moment however, she became painfully aware of the end of her cigarette when the embers hit the skin of her fingers. _Everything I love hurts me in the end_ , Lou thought to herself bitterly, and dramatically flicked the remaining stub over the railing down onto the still busy street after rolling her eyes at herself for a good measure.

She grabbed her phone from the kitchen counter on her way back inside and flung herself on the already too old mattress. It had taken months and months of washing the sheets and spraying the mattress to get rid of Debbie's scent on the left side. It had been one reason she had preferred to be out all night or spent it in other women's beds.

However, fate currently spent a lot of time on hitting her with irony. She buried her face deep into the brunette's former pillow and took a deep breath. Vehemently, she tried to convince herself that she was just doing it to check if really the last olfactory remnants were gone. This didn't explain why she felt sadness creeping up on her, when she only smelled the acclaimed “ocean breeze” of the detergent, though.

(Lou hadn't really looked at the label when she'd grabbed the bottle in a haze. In retrospect, this probably was the first one of a long series of irony hits.)

Feeling utterly pathetic, she removed her face from the cotton – albeit reluctantly – and returned her attention back to the little device in her hand.

Now that she was trying to tone down her drinking habits, she needed something else to occupy her mind with. She was one second away from tapping on the next best mindless game, when the phone vibrated in her hand.

One look on the popped up notification and the air was knocked out of her lungs.

_JLBRD: Rockstar, really?_

The blonde stared at the screen. Leave it to Debbie to fill their first exchange after two years with snark. A wave of regret hit Lou mercilessly like cold morning air at 5 a.m. after dancing the night away. With an exasperated huff she threw the phone through the small bedroom. The resulting loud thwack it made was satisfying on so many levels.

She turned around and tried to stare a hole into the adjoining wall by sheer force of will. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have expected anything else from Miss Deborah Ocean, the only person she'd ever known who was as inept when it came to talking about anything related to emotions as the Australian herself was?

In a way of coping with these ruthlessly emerging mixed up feelings, she texted the other Ocean instead.

_Lou: Your sister is really irritating and I’m regretting this already_

After a few minutes, her phone buzzed again.

_Danny O.: Oh my god you’re both such idiots, I officially resign from this case_

And that was that. Lou considered his text for a moment. Apparently she had to deal with this on her own again, because she sure as hell wasn’t about to tell Tammy anything. She could picture the shit eating grin on the younger woman’s face quite vividly if she ever told her about smuggling a phone inside for Debbie. And right now she had no time and emotional capacity to deal with that as well on top of everything else, thank you very much.

Wracking her brain about how to proceed from here would probably lead to nowhere anyway, she figured, so she opened Debbie’s text again. It only took her a few seconds to hit the send button.

_RCKSTR: Take the olive branch or leave it, Ocean._

Immediately three wiggling dots showed up on the screen, signalling that Debbie was typing a reply. Without realising it, Lou held her breath.

_JLBRD: Missed you too_

Lou was pretty sure there was a sarcastic undertone in these three words, but for a moment she just relished having them directed at herself despite her brain yelling at her. She took two deep breaths to calm herself down again and be able to focus on the problem at hand: to reply or not to reply. She knew it would probably be for the better to just leave it at that, but hell, she really liked playing the devil’s advocate sometimes.

 

At the same time on the other end of their chat in a cell miles away, Debbie was staring somewhat anxiously at her phone.

“Hey, Ocean, is that a phone you’re holding there?”

The brunette faced her cell mate with an annoyed look. “No, it’s a typewriter.”

“Awesome! Can I borrow it sometime?” The other woman went on without missing a beat.

A sickenly sweet smile formed on Debbie’s lips. “If you lay just one little finger on this thing or tell anyone about it, I will pick out your eyes with your toothbrush and serve them to you as your last meal, understood?”

Silently, her cell mate scooted back deeper into her bunk, pulled her blanket up to her nose and closed her eyes again. The Ocean observed this with a small satisfied grin well hidden behind her mask. They knew better than to cross her.

Without using any violence, without even having a brutal crime story to tell and scare people off with, she had acquired a reputation. That she was running a very successful contraband business helped as well in keeping people off her back.

When she had checked the new delivery two weeks ago, she had been confused at first when she had found the phone. She couldn’t remember asking for anything like that and in fact, she already had one smuggled in for her contraband contacts. After confirming that no one was around to see it, she had switched on the little device. Fully charged and no password protection. Either someone had been very careless or very confident that she would check the boxes herself.

Basic features, generic background picture, no messages, photos, or videos, no special apps. The only thing that had been left then had been the contacts list. Debbie’s heart had started hammering when she touched the small button. Almost immediately she had dropped the phone as if she’d been burnt.

One contact. One person she had thought she’d never have the chance to talk to again.

After getting over the initial shock, she had picked the phone up gingerly and checked it for any damages. A relieved sigh had left her lungs when she’d found it to be unharmed.

Since then she had started multiple attempts to text Lou, but it had always ended up with a frustrated groan and a deleted message.

Now, that she had finally managed to overcome all these invisible barriers holding her back and texted her – former?, she was wondering – best friend, she was feeling just a little bit proud of herself. That however didn’t keep the small coil of anxiousness from building up more and more by the second. Just when she had placed both her hands over her eyes in an attempt to get a grip on herself, she sensed the vibration of the phone under her blanket.

She felt paralysed. If she was being honest with herself, the only thing Debbie wanted was to get back out and apologise a million times over to Lou, hoping the Australian would ever forgive her and that they could maybe go back to being how they were before it all had gone South. Wasn't getting her a phone inside a first step in this direction?

_RCKSTR: sure you did_

Apparently, it wasn't. The words felt like a slap to her face. This was not the reaction she had hoped for, instead this was exactly why she usually refrained from admitting even tiny sliver of her feelings to others. The brunette re-read the few lines of their exchange again and again, looking for clues where she went wrong. Hadn't Lou noticed the sincerity in her words or did she just not care for them?

Maybe it was too soon to talk to each other again, maybe the wounds were still too fresh. Debbie swallowed the hurt and decided to put her mind to something else, something more pressing – she already had a skeleton plan for when she got out that was in dire need to get fleshed out.

But as far as it was possible, she would keep this phone within reach at any time. Just in case.

 

Lou was just about to unlock the door to her club office when she felt the vibration of her phone in her bag. She flopped down on her leather chair and propped her feet up on the desk before pulling it out. Her brows furrowed in confusion. There wasn’t a single notification on it. Did she experience one of these phantom vibrations people always went on about or did she finally lose her mind?

“Well, jury’s still out on this one”, she mumbled to herself and set the phone back on the side to busy herself with the large pile of papers in front of her. She eyed it wearily.

In moments like this she really regretted trying to live a somewhat crime-free life. Three years back she had grown tired of running small cons all by herself (or rather: without Debbie) and decided to earn her green card fair and square for once. She had started working at a club, bullied out the shady owner after finding out how he had been treating his female staff, and taken over. The rest was basically history, and a long and boring one at that judging by the paper work she had to endure from time to time. So what if she had people watering down vodka in the back room? She was still allowed to have a little fun after everything.

After being halfway through the pile she swore was actually growing larger than smaller, she heard her phone buzzing again. The blonde’s confusion only increased when she didn’t find any message on it yet again. Back to filling out forms, it was.

A few minutes later, realisation hit her.

“Shit!” Lou jumped out of her seat and to her bag lying on the nearby drawer. How in the world had she forgotten about her second phone (also known as _Debbie-phone_ thanks to Tammy)?

Once the Australian had finally confided in her many months later, the mom instincts of the younger woman had immediately kicked back in again and she had admonished Lou for using her private mobile for prison contacts like “a goddamn rookie, Lou, do you wanna have the police on your and by association my ass, too?”.

Grudgingly, Lou had admitted that maybe (just maybe!) she had acted a bit in a rush and not thought this through to the very end. The next day, she had bought (stolen) another phone and texted Debbie to change her number and delete everything else. The blonde never had received a reply and, since then, hadn’t tried to strike up a conversation again.

Frantically, she dug through her bag for the zipper to the barely noticeable side pocket she always kept the device in. In the back of her mind, fear started to spread that something was very wrong and Debbie might be in trouble. Why else should she text after years of silence?

A sigh of relief escaped Lou's lips when she finally held the phone in her hands. The display lit up with indeed two new messages showing.

_JLBRD: can you get me a credit line within the next two months?_

_JLBRD: I need an answer asap_

Lou was caught up somewhere between laughing, crying, and hurling the damned thing at the wall. Once again, it was all business with Deborah Ocean, nothing more, nothing less. She contemplated the words in front of her for a bit. In the end, curiosity got the better of feeling hurt and she decided to play along.

_RCKSTR: What is it for?_

Minutes passed by as did the whole pile of paper work, but no reply came.

“Well, I guess that's that”, the Australian sighed to herself with a hint of resignation and put the phone away again. However, she decided to keep it more accessible and closer to herself from then on. Just in case.

  


It were moments like these where Lou really missed smoking. After emptying a pack a day during the early and stressful days of being a fresh club owner, she had decided to go cold turkey and had actually managed to stay away from it apart from a few exceptions. But even without the promised rush of nicotine to her system, she needed to get out of the sticky back room filled with vodka vapours. Why did training someone new for water-down-duty always turn out to be exhausting? Still, even though she was a tad annoyed, she was pretty sure that April would soon have the knack of not using too much vodka.

It was still early, but her club was already packed on this Friday night. The blonde couldn't keep a proud smirk from showing on her face as she made her way through the patrons to the back door, steps in time with the pounding beat of the music. The cool air hit her heated skin pleasantly. Spring was a bit late this year, but it suited her just fine after spending hours holed up in a small heated up room with a bunch of people.

Two quiet jingles signalled an incoming text. This time there was no mistaken which phone it belonged to. Lou had learned from her mistake weeks ago and decided to use different ring tones on her two phones and put them out of silent mode. Counting on another business related message, she expectantly unlocked the screen.

_JLBRD: Where is the fking cemetery? 12pm?_

Lou wasn't really sure if what she felt was surprise or not that apparently Debbie managed to get out earlier than expected. Instead, she definitely felt the need for a cigarette or three, and the irony of Sofie Tukker's _Best Friend_ playing in the background.

She let the phone slip back into her suit jacket's pocket. “I will either fire this DJ or give him a raise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're idiots and I'm totally siding with Danny on this one.
> 
> Song: Ein neuer Morgen ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci9AEauKHQ4 )  
> I'm clear headed but somehow I can't think straight tonight  
> I'm here and somehow far away  
> I'm drunk and lying here sober in this big bed  
> I'm sad, I'm tired, feeling way too weak today  
> Only hope keeps me awake
> 
> A new dawn will come, a new day will come  
> Nothing is lost, cos hope keeps me awake
> 
> You made night your friend, you're looking forlornly through others' windows  
> at all the parties without you  
> You're dancing alone, only the streets are watching you  
> you stay awake until the first rays of sunlight, you're (still) hoping
> 
> A new dawn will come, a new day will come  
> Nothing is lost, cos hope keeps you awake  
> A new dawn will come, a new day will come  
> Nothing is lost, cos hope keeps us awake
> 
> A new dawn will come, I know, a new dawn will come


	4. I see you in my reflection, and we don't have to explain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had just started fixing herself a coffee (maybe of the Irish variety) when she heard steps on the floorboards above her.
> 
> “You want a coffee or do you still prefer tea?” the blonde shouted into the general direction of the noise. But instead of an answer she just heard the steps disappearing farther and farther away from her and towards the door.
> 
> Lou was having exactly none of this, not again. “Oi! Did you leave your manners in prison? I asked you something!”
> 
> Debbie was already halfway through the door when her reply reached Lou's ears. “Gotta take care of something!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're meeting again, woooohoo!
> 
> The best thing about writing O8 fic is that no one can judge me for watching the movie over and over again, it's for research after all :D I love to overanalyse all the little glances and facial expressions in their scenes
> 
> Little warning: They're all sassy lil shits, all of them, and I love them all the more for it

 

Anticipation was coiling in her stomach as Lou looked at her watch. 11:42 am. She was way too early, but she hadn’t been able to stay put any longer. To make matters worse, she had seen a dark person with a suitcase disappear behind the gates right the second she had taken the last turn to the cemetery and her heart had kicked into overdrive.

There it was again, that not so little voice in the back of her head screaming at her to get the fuck out before it’s too late. This gut instinct had been detrimental during cons and had saved both hers and Debbie’s asses on multiple occasions (Lou was convinced that at one point Debbie had started to implement her gut feeling as a fail save in their plans), but having it directed at the person who had been her home for decades, well, that hurt on different levels.

Minutes trickled by slowly like honey from a spoon, but it was far from being sweet. Her whirling thoughts grated at her mind like sand paper. If she claimed she hadn’t mulled for years over their reunion and how she (and Debbie) would act and react she'd be lying through her teeth.

Trying to calm down her racing thoughts, she started counting the rain drops falling onto her windshield with little prattling sounds. While at first it felt like time was purposely slowing down just to taunt her, the Australian was shocked to find it one minute before twelve when she looked at the clock on her dashboard again.

She took a deep breath and kicked the old Toyota into moving again. “Time to woman up, Miller.”

~

Debbie would never admit it, but she was only partially listening to Reuben droning on. In reality, she could almost feel the seconds ticking by on Danny's old watch around her wrist and it was driving her insane. Heck, if Reuben could be quiet for a moment, she'd be probably able to hear the steady  _tick tick_ reverberate back at her from the marble walls.

She didn't know what to expect once she'd come eye to eye with Lou again. Or rather  _if_ . There hadn't been any reply to her last text and after losing hours of sleep on waiting for a reaction that hadn't come, the brunette was short of believing that Lou wouldn't turn up. Ever again.

But then she heard it. Tires on gravel right outside the halls. A horn blaring.

The smallest of smiles appeared on Debbie’s lips as she not only realized that Lou had come, but that she had kept the old Toyota as well. She knew that if she’d allow herself in this moment to close her eyes for just a second, she’d immediately be immersed in a multitude of memories. God, how she had missed her.

“I gotta go.”

Turning away from Reuben, she grabbed her (stolen) suitcase and umbrella and made a move to walk outside into the drizzling rain. It almost physically pained her to admit it, but she was nervous to look Lou into the eyes again, not knowing what she would find behind those blue irises. In an attempt to get rid of that uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, she squared her shoulders, released the breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding, and started marching towards Lou’s car.

~

There she was, sauntering to her car all clad in fine clothes, heels, and a black umbrella to top it off. An air of unbroken confidence surrounding her as if she had never been locked away. An eerie calm washed over Lou from one second to the next and the blonde wondered briefly if this was what flat lining felt like.

This was Debbie. Her partner in crime, her best friend, her ride-or-die. She could do this.

Said woman was now throwing her suitcase onto the back seat and subsequently making her way to the passenger side door.

And just like that, Lou threw every caution and second thoughts she’d had in the last years out of the car window and threw herself at Debbie before she even had a chance to properly sit down. Before she even realised it, she was burying her face in the Ocean’s hair and planting a kiss to the side of her head.

Debbie was as caught off guard by this as much as Lou herself was. “Hey, hey, take it easy. Been in the slammer.”

“Oh, and I just thought you’d changed your number”, Lou deadpanned right back at her, betraying the slight panic at her sudden actions surging through her.

The brunette on the other hand allowed herself to take it all in for a short moment. She hadn’t heard that voice, that accent for more than six years. Hadn’t seen Lou’s face and that eccentric but oh so fitting style for almost as long. A weird sense of relief washed over her when she noticed the blonde still had the same scent about her. Spiced rum and hot metal, something that was just so irrevocably Lou.

At the same time, the blonde was actively trying to act unaffected and to concentrate on the road. It wasn’t an easy feat, especially since something had shifted inside her the second her lips had touched Debbie’s head. She was just about to give herself a silent pep talk, when a voice from the passenger seat broke the quietness that had settled upon them like a blanket.

“Did you get the credit line?”

Inwardly, Lou rolled her eyes. Of course, straight back to business.

~

They hadn’t talked about where Debbie would stay now. Both women probably hadn’t even spared it a thought at all, so Lou was at bit of a loss when she opened the door to her by now impossibly large quarters and the brunette was right behind her. Did Debbie even want to stay with her again or was she just following her until she had her roped in with her new and probably insane plan?

Luckily for her, she had always been quick on her feet (and words for that matter) and used Debbie’s stunned silence at the place to come up with something.

“There’s a room for you upstairs, your stuff's upstairs, too. Y'know I borrowed some shit, figured you weren’t using it” She gave the brunette a crossover of a cheeky grin and a pout and walked away in the general direction of her kitchen. She wasn’t ready yet to see any kind of reaction to her indirect proposal.

A look of fond exasperation crossed Debbie’s features. If she had expected anything, it definitely wouldn’t have been this. Lou taking care of her possessions after all this time and offering her a home without asking made an unknown warmth spread right through her bones.

But she had no time to dwell on this now, she needed to get something done first.

Lou just heard the brunette pounding up the stairs and then disappearing into the bedroom next to her own. Tiredness fell over her in an instant and she sank down on the nearest chair releasing a breath. 

Why did she feel so weird all of a sudden? On the one hand she was actually elated to have Debbie around again and even though they had started mildly butting heads again during the car ride it had felt familiar in the best way. On the other hand, she was wary. Wary about what insanity the brunette had been cooking up now, about what would happen once the job was done (or either out of the window, but she knew damn well that this wasn’t about to happen – it was Debbie after all) and how they’d continue from there. Absentmindedly she touched her lips where she could still feel the sensation of the Ocean’s hair tingling under the skin.

Realising what she was doing, she jumped up and started to busy her hands with something – just anything, really – else.

She had just started fixing herself a coffee (maybe of the Irish variety) when she heard steps on the floorboards above her.

“You want a coffee or do you still prefer tea?” the blonde shouted into the general direction of the noise. But instead of an answer she just heard the steps disappearing farther and farther away from her and towards the door.

Lou was having exactly none of this, not again. “Oi! Did you leave your manners in prison? I asked you something!”

Debbie was already halfway through the door when her reply reached Lou's ears. “Gotta take care of something!” 

The door had just slammed shut behind the brunette when she realised that maybe fluttering in and out of Lou's home like this might not leave the right impression on her friend after everything. The last time she had shut a door in her face like this, she ultimately had ended up in prison.

Debbie turned around and quickly closed the short distance between herself and the door again. She really hoped her knocking could be heard from wherever Lou currently was in this big ass building. Luckily for her, it didn't take long until she could hear steps approaching.

Lou opened the door and regarded Debbie with a blank stare. “You forgot something?”

“Yeah, one, I definitely need my own key, two, tea still and, three, I just wanted to say I'll be back for a late dinner. Your pick.”

Lou leaned against the doorframe and raised her eyebrows at the demand. “Earn it or steal it, Ocean.”

Debbie was taken aback by her choice of words, but she regained her composure quickly and regarded Lou with mischievously sparkling eyes. “Bold of you to assume I haven’t already nicked yours off your key chain”, she replied while holding up Lou's key and dangling it right in front of her nose. Before the Australian had a chance to open her mouth she was on her way again, her thin white coat disappearing around the corner.

~

Sitting opposite each other, gorging on their Chinese take-out food, and grinning at each other like lunatics because Debbie really had to threaten Claude fucking Becker with her prison souvenir of a shiv in his very own art gallery, Lou’s heart was as light as it hadn’t been in years. It felt like old times, just with a table (there hadn’t been any space for one back then) and Becker’s shirt button (only his head would’ve made her happier) between them. 

Finally, she found the time to look at Debbie, to really look.

They were both in the beginning of their forties now and it started to show, Debbie's time in prison none withstanding. There were new lines on Debbie's face: a few around her eyes from laughing, but more on her forehead and around her mouth betraying the not so pleasant times on the inside. There was history behind these lines, Lou could tell, even though the brunette was trying to cover it up with make-up and attitude. Same with the little scar on the knuckle of her right pointer finger that hadn't been there before.

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to wonder if there had been other small changes to Debbie's physique as well, but she quickly pushed the thought away and back to wherever the hell it had come from. She also refused to dwell on the pleasant clenching deep in her gut at the brunette's sparkling eyes in the dim lightning.

~

Debbie was looking expectantly at her partner in crime. Well, Lou hadn't officially agreed – yet – but she knew it right in her bones that the blonde wouldn’t let her down and was just playing hard to get. Okay, if she was being honest, she wasn’t one hundred percent sure because something in the air between them had changed and she couldn’t exactly put her finger on it. It was unnerving.

Their silent staring contest was interrupted by a waiter bringing an assortment of dishes. Without any hesitation or finesse, the brunette started digging into the food. Lou raised her eyebrows at the unusual picture in front of her. Well, this was new.

“It’s still a museum, it’s like robbing a liquor store”, Lou finally expressed her clear disapproval. When the brunette tried to answer – emphasis on _tried_ – she ultimately came to the conclusion that Debbie really had left her manners in the slammer for good. This together with her plan to rob the Met clearly showed that the Ocean had finally gone completely bonkers in her books.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Ukrainian.”

Eventually, Debbie made an effort to actually swallow her food before speaking. She could clearly see the disbelief and doubt in the blonde’s eyes. It was wavering and waning with every sentence from her, but it still remained. If the Ocean knew something, she knew that Lou would never agree to arisky job like this if there was still an inch of doubt within her. 

She decided to pull out the big guns. Sweet words, confidence, and actual honesty.

“…and you were there with me, every step of the way”

The words poured out of Lou before she could help herself. “Oh honey, is this a proposal?”

“Baby, I don’t have a diamond yet!” came the immediate response, not without a trademark Debbie smirk.

Promptly, pictures flooded Lou’s mind. 

 

_Sometimes Lou wondered how sitting in Tammy’s living room with tea and books divided between them on a Sunday afternoon had become her life. She wasn’t complaining, though, occasionally she needed a little break from the thumping beat and alcohol-heavy air in her club. This weekend, Tammy’s husband was taking their son to see his grandparents, so a comfortable quietness was lying like a fuzzy cloak over the house._

_Holed up in an actual blanket, the younger woman was immersed in a book with baby names – she’d just started showing again, but she wasn’t about to rush the name finding process for her second child like she did the first time round – while Lou was reading about the side effects during a pregnancy and wondering with growing distaste why some women were so keen on putting themselves through this._

“ _If Debbie’d go down on one knee before you, what would you do?”_

_Lou all but slammed her book shut and down on her thighs. “The fuck, what the actual ever loving fuck?!”_

“ _What?” Tammy looked up from her book with innocent eyes. After a beat, her lips slowly formed into a broad grin. “Oh my god, you’re blushing!”_

_The Australian opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water. “One, I’m not, and two, even if I was it wouldn’t mean anything!” Instinctively she crossed her arms in front of her chest and her legs over each other in a defensive stance._

_Tammy smirked and continued leafing through her name dictionary without saying a word. Instead, she silently counted down the seconds._

_Three._

_Lou’s lips twisted into a thin line._

_Two._

_Lou gripped the book in her hands more tightly._

_One._

_Lou inhaled loudly with her nostrils almost flared._

_Zero._

“ _Seriously, Tammy, why can’t you just let it go? Why do you always pull this shit on me out of nowhere?”_

_The addressed woman carefully hid her triumphant grin behind her book before calmly putting it down. “Cos denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, hon, and I wanna get you on dry land.”_

_Lou groaned disbelievingly and pushed her reading glasses to the top of her head to hide her face in her palms. “Did you really just make that pun?”_

_Tammy had at least the decency to look somewhat abashed. “It’s the hormones talking.”_

 

“Come on, do you really wanna spent the rest of your life watering down well vodka, cos it’s really kind of a waste…” the brunette continued on while Lou was biting the inside of her cheek to distract herself from the unwelcome proposal and wedding imagery in her head (that she was cursing Tammy at the same time goes without saying).

Luckily for her, Debbie didn’t even wait for an answer and instead all but pushed her loaded fork in Lou’s general direction. “Come on, take a bite.”

The blonde let her eyes slide from Debbie’s face to the fork in front of her and back again.

The Ocean however was growing more impatient by every silent second. “Just take a bite”, she repeated demandingly with a hint of exasperation and a very determined movement of the fork into Lou’s direction.

Lou knew she wouldn’t stop nagging her until she gave in. For once, she was in no mood to prolong the inevitable and leaned in.

“You’re really irritating.”

For a second, Debbie was transfixed by the sudden drop in the blonde’s voice and the unwavering look in her eyes as she took in the offered food. Her mouth felt dry. 

This was so not good, this was so not according to plan. These feelings were supposed to stay in that little box at the very dark end of her mind. Mildly frustrated with herself, she tried to shake it off and focus on the triumph of finally having won Lou over.

Oblivious to Debbie’s inner turmoil, the Australian had to admit that this was actually not that bad of a breakfast and picked up the fork beside her. The implications of the whole scene weren’t lost on her, she knew that she was agreeing to more than just sharing breakfast with. And from the look in Debbie’s eyes, she could tell she’d realised it, too.

This was the point of no return, Lou figured, now she was roped in and would try to pull of this heist – as insane as it might be – with Debbie come whatever may.

They kept on eating their breakfast in silence, but the relief and anticipation in the air was almost palpable. They were back on track, they were becoming  _Debbie and Lou_ again, she could feel it in her bones.

The Australian felt almost giddy at the prospect of throwing herself back into con life again with her best friend by her side, so she couldn’t help grinning broadly at the brunette when they got up from their table.

“Like old times?” she plainly asked and held out her right hand.

With a lopsided, but not less happy grin, Debbie shook the outstretched hand in a warm grip. “Like always, dumbass. Earn it or steal it, Miller.”

“Earn it or steal it”, Lou repeated and pulled Debbie into a tight embrace which the othe reciprocated without any hesitation.

If they hugged longer than was considered appropriate, neither of them really cared at this point, they were too engulfed in the presence of the other to care about anything but the comfort of being in each other’s space again. 

They pulled apart again, unconsciously searching each other’s faces for any sign of discomfort or doubt but finding nothing of the sort.

Without thinking, Lou leaned forward again, bringing her face inches closer to Debbie’s. And that was when it hit her. Her head snapped back again, the reality of what she had been about to do kicking her heart into overdrive and her head into panic. She maybe even paled a little, but between the lump in her throat and the tingling in her feet she couldn’t be completely sure.

She just prayed to every cosmic entity that Debbie hadn’t noticed her slip-up. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna delve too much into the heist stuff, but the next 2 to 3 chapters will still take place during the movie setting.
> 
> Song: Regen, der nach oben fällt ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4k63CavOmk )
> 
> I don't believe in miracles until you're with me again  
> I don't believe in fate, still, I missed you  
> No prophet can predict this, no one can explain this
> 
> Upwards falling rain  
> we're the fire that burns in the sea  
> I see you in my reflection  
> and we don't have to explain it, don't have to explain it  
> Upwards falling rain  
> we're the fire burning in the sea  
> Nobody can take it from us, cos it belongs to us
> 
> I know all the rules but they don't suit us  
> I know these looks but we don't care about them  
> there's no paper on which it's written, no one can explain this
> 
> Upwards falling rain  
> we're the fire that burns in the sea  
> I see you in my reflection  
> and we don't have to explain it, don't have to explain it  
> Upwards falling rain  
> we're the fire burning in the sea
> 
> I don't believe in miracles until one happens to me  
> like fire burning in the sea, I see you in my reflection  
> and we don't have to explain it, don't have to explain it
> 
> Upward falling rain  
> we're the fire burning in the sea  
> nobody can take it from us  
> cos it belongs to us, belongs to us


	5. It's war out here and I could be the next one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ugh not that again”, Lou threw her head against the cushion behind her with a groan.
> 
> “What again?” The brunette crossed her arms in front of her chest and tried very hard not to be distracted by the whole of Lou's pale neck being on display.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lesbihonest, I'm not too happy with this, but I set myself a biweekly deadline and I'm trying to stick by it.
> 
> They didn't make it easy for me this time around, ugh. Tammy's last words in this chapter are basically my feeling about these two rn.
> 
> Also, if there is anything you want to have worked in or any other suggestions, feel free to let me know :)

The ride back to the loft had been a silent one, but Debbie hadn't given the impression that she had caught up on Lou's little slip up. On one hand the blonde was very much relieved, on the other she was slightly concerned. Back in the day, Debbie would've never missed something like that, especially not from her.

 

Prison changes people, Lou figured, and she herself had changed a bit over the last years as well. They'd probably fall back into their old rhythms completely soon enough. Right now, she had to take care of her budding feelings before they'd maneuver her into another awkward situation.

 

But what could be a better distraction than seeing Debbie's insane heist stuff through, right?

 

“So do enlighten me, what kind of seven people do we need?”

 

Debbie sipped at her tea without any hurry. “We only need to fill five more spots, actually.”

 

Lou leaned back on the sofa and watched her for a few seconds before continuing. “Five. Okay. Run your list by me, and your whole plan as well while you're at it.”

 

“A designer to dress Daphne Kluger for the Met ball, a jewelery designer – I already got one in mind –, a hacker, a highly skilled pick pocket, and a fence”, the brunette ticked her list off by her fingers.

 

Lou's eyebrows shot up. “Daphne Kluger? You've clearly gone mental while inside.”

 

Exasperation seemed to be becoming a prominent feature on the Ocean's face these days. “Well, someone has to step up to the family name now that my brother is gone, don't you think?”

 

The Australian continued to watch her closely. The grief and deep hurt about Danny's death was clearly visible and probably something they had to talk about at some point. That and Debbie's unbreakable need to prove herself even though there was no one around anymore to prove herself to. Lou added it to her mental list for after the heist, now definitely wasn't the right time.

 

“Okay, that's the roles we need to fill, what is the actual plan?”

 

Debbie would never admit it to anyone, but a comfortable warmth spread through her with Lou saying _we_.

 

“We'll work on the gritty details once we got all people on board.”

 

“Ugh not that again”, Lou threw her head against the cushion behind her with a groan.

 

“What again?” The brunette crossed her arms in front of her chest and tried very hard not to be distracted by the whole of Lou's pale neck being on display.

 

The Australian didn't even lift her head and went to talk to the ceiling instead. “You being a bloody stubborn idiot and not telling me everything even though you have plotted this whole thing down to the minute already. It was annoying seven years ago, it was annoying well before then, and it is still annoying as fuck now!”

 

Yes, remembering how irritating Debbie could be was definitely a good way to squish these strange desires within her.

 

The amused grin on the brunette's lips didn't help, however. “Aw baby, you know you love me and my plans.”

 

Suddenly, a deafening silence stretched over the loft, both women looking at each other like deer caught in the headlights. While Debbie was scolding herself over and over again for her choice of words, Lou felt like she had been hit by a brick wall. Had Debbie caught on after all? Luckily, she remembered their bantering at Veselka an hour before and decided that she'd just cling to that possibility.

 

She let her head fall back again. “Glad to see you're still extraordinarily full of yourself, Ocean.”

 

~

 

Lou had to admit, Debbie hadn't promised too much when she had said her plan would run like clockwork. Within days, they had almost every role covered, hell, even Daphne Kluger was in without knowing. At the same time, she was trying very hard to work on her own agenda and subduing all these little sparks running through her system whenever Debbie got a bit too close.

 

Some moments however, she really had some trouble containing her impulses and not pressing the Ocean against a wall and just... do something she'd very likely regret. The moment, when she had pulled her into a corner during Nine Ball's first visit was a prime example of that.

 

But she had managed, and she was kinda proud of herself. Simultaneously, she was slightly disappointed by herself for lowering her own standards this much.

 

Now, there was only one vacant spot left and it was the one Lou had been dreading the most.

 

Sitting opposite each other at her poker table, they traded the names of possible fences between each other like ping pong balls. It was to no avail, everyone they could come up with between them turned out to be either unavailable or male. And Debbie was very adamant about not having the latter on the team. The being noticed thing was one reason, but if she was being honest she was still licking her wounds from her last job and it had resulted in a certain wariness around men. She didn't really want to throw all (con)men into one bag, but for this plan – for her master piece – she needed to be able to rely on everyone in her team for this, not just Lou, by one hundred percent.

 

On the other side of the table, Lou dreaded the impending end of her mental list of possible fences. Since the brunette had clearly kicked all possible male candidates off of it with one sentence, there was only one name left. She had hoped she wouldn't have to go there for multiple reasons, but there they were now.

 

„What about Tammy?“

 

For a second, the loft was filled with absolute silence – again, this seemed to become a regular occurrence – as Debbie stopped rustling through papers and looked up at her, her eyes comically wide.

 

„Tammy, of course! Why didn't I think of her, she should've been on the very top of the list!“

 

„Your age is starting to show, and not in a good way. But the good news is, at the rate you're going, you'll have forgotten your mishap in roughly two minutes.“ Lou deadpanned and quickly scooted away from Debbie trying to slap her with a bunch of rolled up papers. „But seriously, can't we leave her out of this?“

 

„No, she is perfect for this“, seeing Lou's pained expression she added „and just asking won't hurt anyone, right?“

 

The blonde heaved a sigh. „Your definition of asking often differs quite a bit from what other people understand by that, but okay... lemme call her.“ She made a move for her phone on the table, but Debbie beat her to it.

 

The Ocean looked at her with a glint of suspicion in her eyes. „Why?“

 

„Because she retired from this fucking circus even before you went to jail, you damn well know that, and thus she sure as hell won't be thrilled about this whole shebang.“

 

„And you think there'd be a bigger chance for her to say yes when you ask her instead of me?“ Debbie inquired with a strained tone, daring her to agree.

 

Lou just looked her dead in the eye without hesitation. „Yes.“

 

Disapproval was written all over the brunette's features. „You two getting close in my absence, I take it?“

 

Oh how Debbie disliked this, just the picture alone of Tammy caring for Lou made her hackles rise. Was Deborah Ocean a jealous woman? Not particularly, but Lou had always been an exception to a lot of her rules. Did she have the right to feel entitled to the last six (or rather seven) years of Lou's life? Absolutely not. Did that stop her gut from twisting and turning? A strong no, unfortunately.

 

To add insult to injury, her thought process was apparently visible on her face for all the world to see judging by Lou's reaction. Right in this moment, Debbie wanted nothing more than to smack (or kiss, but she definitely wasn't going there now) the smug grin off of the blonde's face.

 

„Oh honey, are you jealous? Can't you deal with not calling the shots once in your life?“

 

The brunette scrunched up her nose. Was Lou being completely oblivious about the actual reason for her jealousy or was she just giving her an easy way out? Either way, she didn't feel like taking any chances tonight and took the offered straw instead.

 

„You know me.. Now imagine how much the last six years of living by someone else's schedule have grated on my sanity“ she tried to diffuse the tension with a smirk.

 

Lou huffed. „Indeed I know you, that's why you can't trick me into thinking you were sane to begin with.“

 

Debbie didn't even grace that with an answer and, with a killer look, just threw a crumpled up paper at the Australian.

 

Laughing loudly – God, how Debbie had missed that sound – the blonde raised her hands in the air in fake surrender. „Alright, you got me dead here, Ocean, I yield. Go contact Tammy, but don't make me regret it.“

 

As if Debbie had just been waiting for the right signal this whole time, she immediately was up on her feet and on her way to the door.

 

„Woah, wait, are you just about to barge in on her without any warning?“

 

The brunette turned around on her heels with an innocent expression. „Nah, what do you take me for?“ Lou just silently looked at her and quirked an eyebrow „Don't look at me like that, I'll phone ahead!“

 

„Standing in front of her house and calling falls not under that definition.“

 

Debbie put her hand on her chest in mock offense. „I would never do that!“

 

„Debs, I'm being serious now. Tammy has kids and a husband, all of them might be around as well. Please don't put her into an uncomfortable situation, okay?“

 

The way Lou's voice had dropped and the stern look on her face made Debbie stop in her tracks. Lou only reserved this tone for things she was dead serious about. If her head hadn't been clouded with jealousy in that moment, she probably would've swallowed a whole different kind of lump in her throat. Still, attack was the best form of defense after all and she willed her signature grin onto her face.

 

“I'll do my best.”

 

The door fell closed as Lou covered her face with her hands. Tammy would so have her head for this.

 

~

 

Could it be considered mean to actually enjoy the look of slight terror on her friend's face? Probably, but Debbie was delighted. One, apparently she still got the whole intimidating act down pat, two, Tammy definitely had not been living a crime-free life since announcing her 'dropping out'.

 

The brunette was just admiring all the goods stashed in the garage when said woman came back from tending to her kids.

 

„Does Lou know you’re back?“

 

Debbie put the Louis Vuitton bag back into the shelf. „Of course, she picked me up and I’m living with her in that gigantic loft. Have you seen that thing, it’s insane!”

 

Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on flashed by Tammy’s eyes. It was really starting to get to her how she wasn’t able to blindly read her friends anymore.

 

A lot of things and emotions were swirling around in the blonde’s head, but instead of voicing a single one of them, she went with a cool “Well, that’s nice to hear then.” She would definitely have a few words with Lou given the chance.

 

“I expect you at Lou’s tomorrow at 5 pm sharp, Tim-Tam, alright?”

 

Tammy crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I know your stubborn ass probably completely overlooked this, but I didn’t agree to anything.”

 

“I know you’ll show up anyway, no need to worry about this minor detail” the Ocean replied with a wink and left the garage as swiftly as she had shown up.

 

The younger woman released a shuddering breath and tried to relax her shoulders. “Little shits. Both of them.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Debbie is a little drama queen and loves appearing and disappearing like a phantom, it's annoying.
> 
> Song: Weiße Fahne ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmE7thZaKHA )
> 
> Welcome – there's no turning back now  
> the ice is thin but I go on step by step  
> people are making bets about who will break in first  
> It's war out here and I could be the next one
> 
> But I'm still standing, still standing  
> Yes I'm still living, more than ever  
> Cos I know that even if I fall  
> You'll never see my white flag
> 
> The choir of skeptics always told me so  
> But fear of failing makes me stronger every day  
> even if the ice breaks, I'll be ready  
> No I won't sink, i'm not ready for that by long
> 
> But I'm still standing, still standing  
> Yes I'm still living, more than ever  
> Cos I know that even if I fall  
> You'll never see my white flag
> 
> I don't know what will be tomorrow  
> But I fight my way to solid ground  
> Cos I trust in not being the only one  
> Are you ready?
> 
> we're still standing, still standing  
> Yes we're still living, more than ever  
> Cos I know that even if we fall  
> You'll never see our white flag


	6. You're a pretty illusion, emotions well camouflaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, there is nothing going on between you and Lou?” Amita found her voice again.
> 
> Already exhausted, Tammy propped her elbows up on her knees and buried her face in her hands. “Okay guys, I’d most likely be better for my sanity not to know, but again, how did you come up with all this?”
> 
> “That easy”, Nine Ball replied while typing furiously on her computer, “you want a power point or just the rough draft?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Tammy-time!  
> Since our fav soccer mom speaks for most of us, I decided to have a chapter centered a bit more around her perspective. And the girls are making their debut, yay!
> 
> (I'm changing the chapter titles to lines from the songs instead of the title, in case you're confused)

 

Tammy rubbed her sore neck absentmindedly. She hated to admit it – and she probably never would do so in front of Debbie – but being back to fencing and conning on a greater scale than her garage felt like waking up from a long long hibernation. While it was all fun and games working together with this beautiful bunch of misfits, there had been a tension in the air for the last few days that couldn’t be attributed to the heist itself.

“Yo, Tammy, you know when the boss lady’ll be back?” Constance ripped her from her thoughts.

The blonde looked at her watch. “It’ll probably be one or two hours still, but I’m not completely sure.”

“Perfect!” the young woman threw herself on the couch and made some weird hand gestures into the air. Before Tammy could ask what this was supposed to mean, three heads appeared around the corner and quickly scurried to their usual spots in Lou’s living room arrangement.

“Okay, now I’m worried. This is unusual even by your standards.”

Everyone except Tammy exchanged meaningful glances until finally Amita gave in reluctantly and spoke up.

“We got a situation here and it’s getting ridiculous.”

“…okay?”

Constance piped up again. “Nope, not okay, My Chemical Romance style not okay. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the tension growing in the room as soon as boss lady enters.”

Tammy had to admit that she had felt the air shift on one or two occasions, but so far she hadn’t been able to figure out what it was about exactly. There was a weird feeling in the back of her head, but the jury was still out on it.

“I’m pretty sure it’s just all the heist stuff going on and her tendency to control every second of it.”

“Again, big nope”, the short woman adamantly stood her ground.

The blonde threw her hands in the air. “Okay, then do enlighten me please what you think is going on!”

“We think you and Lou are fucking and Debbie is not happy about it”, came the immediate response from behind the laptop screen.

Tammy blinked once, then twice, trying to wrap her head around what she’d just heard while Rose was gently admonishing Nine Ball for being _a bit too crass, my dear_.

“You… I… what… the fuck?!” The look of clear outrage and confusion on Tammy’s face was enough to plant a seed of doubt among the others.

“So, there is nothing going on between you and Lou?” Amita found her voice again.

Tammy tried her best to subdue the angry glare she was probably giving everyone. “No, there isn’t, there wasn’t, and there’ll never be. How did you even come up with this insane idea?”

Both Rose and Amita were about to answer, when Constance interjected. “That’s cool, my money was on boss lady and Lou anyway.”

Already exhausted, Tammy propped her elbows up on her knees and buried her face in her hands. “Okay guys, I’d most likely be better for my sanity not to know, but again, how did you come up with all this?”

“That easy”, Nine Ball replied while typing furiously on her computer, “you want a power point or just the rough draft?”

“Oh God, just give me some pointers”, Tammy’s muffled voice came from behind her hands.

“Even a blind person can see that there’s something between Debbie and Lou.”

“And when boss lady came back from looking for you and Lou a few days back, she had an anger ‘bout her we were scared she’d melt the steel beams just by stomping past them.”

“Now, there’s this tension every time she’s in a room with you.”

“Or with Lou. Or with both of you. It’s really disrupting my creative energy flow.”

 

“ _Tell me you know what you’re doing.”_

_Lou let her gum bubble pop and regarded Tammy with a half amused, half somber look from her end of the outdated sofa that did exactly nothing to ease the dread in her stomach. “I don't... I never did.”_

_The two women had finally found a moment to talk privately in a quiet room that had not been occupied by anyone so far and was far away from the main floor with all its excitement and frenzy. Lou knew that this conversation was about to happen the second Debbie had stepped out to reel Tammy in, but right now anything was better than watching Constance knock over something with her board_ again _. Even Tammy with her somewhat unruly kids was impressed about all the energy contained in that small body._

_Now, silence stretched out among them like fog in a cemetery, each woman mulling over her own thoughts. After relishing in it for a short while, Lou spoke up again._

“ _You were right.” The Australian’s voice was low, but it carried over to the younger woman clear as day. Tammy heard, and most importantly, she understood._

_She smiled faintly. “I know.”_

_Lou waited for the other shoe to drop, then quirked an eyebrow. “No ‘I told you so’ dance?”_

“ _Nah, you’re torturing yourself enough already, and the sweet satisfaction to hear you admit it is sufficient at the moment to keep my gloating side at bay.”_

“ _Ever so charming.”_

“ _Learned from the best”, Tammy winked at her before putting on a sober expression again, “What’s most important now, though, is… what are you gonna do about it?”_

_Lou raked her hand through her shaggy hair and buried her face in her hands. “Fuck if I know.”_

_In response, Tammy scooted closer on the sofa and opened her arms to her, only to be met with a disbelieving stare. “Oh come on, you need this, stop that ‘I’m strong and independent and I don’t need no hug’ bullshit.”_

_Reluctantly, the Australian gave in and leaned into Tammy’s warm side. “I don’t need consolation, I’m not a child.”_

_The younger woman just scoffed. “My dear, when it comes to emotional maturity you are nine, maybe ten years old at max.”_

“ _Fuck you.”_

_Silent laughter sent soothing vibrations from Tammy to Lou. “What did you say? The words must’ve gotten lost with your face buried into my sweater.”_

_The resulting growl did nothing to subdue Tammy’s amusement. Instead, she absentmindedly started to stroke through the Australian’s hair. “I know, hon, I know.”_

_And that was how Debbie found them, first eyes wide with surprise, followed quickly by an almost deadly glare._

 

Oh. And just like that, the jury came to a decision. Deborah Ocean was actually jealous, because she was apparently under the impression that there was something going on between Lou and her. A sly smile formed on the blonde’s lips which didn’t go unnoticed by the other women around.

“You know something, don’t you?” Amita regarded her with suspicion.

Instead of elaborating, Tammy waved her off. “Not really, but don’t you guys worry about it. I think I know how to dissolve the tension and we can all go back to business as usual.”

“Bold of you to call this insanity ‘usual’, but okay… So, what’re you gonna do?” Constance was already up in her face again.

With an exasperated sigh, Tammy gently shoved her away. “Down girl, I’ll take care of it – ” seeing the hopeful faces of the others, she adamantly added “ – alone.”

Huffing, the young woman fell back onto the cushions. “But Moooooom 3!”

Before Tammy could even react what that title was about, Nine Ball already interjected. “Didn’t we agree that she’s Mom 2 cuz Lou clearly is a Daddy?”

Rolling their eyes simultaneously, Rose and Amita grabbed the two women and hauled them out of the room. “Seriously guys, Tammy really doesn’t need to hear _this_ conversation!”

Sitting alone in the wake of whatever had just transpired, the blonde looked at the ceiling and muttered “Lord, give me strength.”

__

 

“Debbie, outside, we need to talk!”

Said woman blinked confusedly after the blonde head that had just whizzed by her without waiting for a reaction. Just out of sheer spite, she decided to not follow immediately, but to calmly put her mug away, then lean against the kitchen counter and just wait. It didn’t take long before Tammy’s head reappeared from the back door.

Both women shared a silent staring contest, before the blonde put on her best scolding face. “Now.”

Rolling her eyes for good measure and throwing the dishtowel onto the counter with clear intent to get her opinion on this whole situation across, Debbie finally gave in.

She met the younger woman who was already sitting on the short wall close to the water, huddled up in her coat, and went to stand right before her. The brunette crossed her arms in front of her chest. She despised being talked to like that.

“What’s this about?”

Tammy cut directly to the chase. She had already wasted enough time in her life on being subtle. “You’re jealous and everyone can feel it. Is this also part of your master plan or did you forget how to keep your emotions in check?”

She knew that her words were unfair, but from experience this sometimes was the only way to get something out of Debbie. By the look of utter disbelief she received, she knew she had hit a nerve.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

A dark laugh left Tammy’s lips before she could stop it. “Cut the crap, Deborah, you’re acting jealous as hell – the girls asked me about it, it’s that obvious – cos you think there’s something more than friendly happening between Lou and me”, the brunette went to intersect, but Tammy was having exactly none of it, “shush, the only emotionally mature person on this shore is talking! So, what I want to know now, is whether you’re jealous of me or of Lou. Now you can speak, but no bullshitting your way out!”

Their earlier stare down went into the second round. This time however, Debbie visibly deflated within mere seconds. Her face worn with exhaustion, she sat down next to the younger woman.

“I really hate it when you call me out, Tam”, she muttered as a sort of peace offering.

A lop-sided grin formed on Tammy’s face. “Don’t I know it. Now spill the beans, we have a heist to execute.”

Seconds ticked by, the water came and went again, taking little pieces of sand and stone with it. The Ocean was set on avoiding the younger woman’s eyes when she finally spoke up again.

“Of you. I’m jealous of you. I don’t want you to be with Lou cos I want to be.”

“Thank god!” the blonde declared after a beat with something close to elation, receiving a weird look from the woman beside her.

Confusion was clear on Debbie’s face, especially when Tammy started smiling in earnest. “What?”

“I’m just relieved. You digging up old feelings again would’ve been really awkward for the both of us.”

The brunette looked at her with innocent eyes. “Come on, don’t you still want a piece of this amazing ass?”

Both women started laughing. “Nah, those times are long gone, Debs. But I gotta admit, it’s still not half bad.”

“Believe me, I know.” Debbie replied with a wink. “So this is the only thing you have to say to this?”

“What is there to say? I knew you had the hots for Lou the second I saw you two in the same room for the first time”, Tammy replied with a broad grin but sobered up quickly enough. “For clarification’s sake, no, there is nothing between Lou and me.” She noticed the battle between relief and uncertainty in Debbie’s eyes and added, “We’ve just gotten very close during your absence. She took it really hard, you know?”

The Ocean’s face fell completely. “I had hoped she wouldn’t. I had hoped she’d still be too angry with me to care.”

“Deborah Ocean, you are a dense motherfucker” Tammy stated without missing a beat as if she was talking about the next Amazon delivery, completely disregarding the affronted look her friend was giving her.

“What are you saying?”

Shaking her head, Tammy looked out onto the water again. “I’m saying I’m not too much into meddling and playing match maker, but you should do something about this, especially since it’s affecting the whole team.”

“I’m doing something about it, I’m trying to ignore it–“

“ – like the mature and responsible adult you are.” The blonde fixed her with a stern look.

Debbie rolled her eyes. “Save your speech for someone else, Tim-Tam, ignoring it is the best way to go. I have to take care of the heist, period. There is no room for anything else.”

“Okay, but what about after?”

“You don’t get it, Tammy,” the brunette heaved a sigh, “it’s much more complex than that. I cannot be with Lou, now or ever.”

“Whatever kind of bullshit excuse you’ve come up with, I don’t want to hear it. And do you want to know why?”

“You’ll tell me anyway.” Debbie deadpanned.

“Damn right I will. Cos Lou’d call you out on your bullshit before you’d even finished the first sentence and this is the only context I wanna hear these words in.”

“She’ll never know, so it doesn’t matter in any case” the brunette shook her head and fixed Tammy with a pointed look afterwards.

The woman held up her hands. “I won’t tell her, you know that. But she’s not stupid, I guarantee you she’s already noticed something’s up. And I really hope she’s not getting wrong ideas cos as both a friend and a partner in crime I cannot approve of her driving off in a rage _again_ since she’s as great at working through her emotions as you are” Tammy ended with a huff.

Debbie looked out to the water, trying to hide how much that last sentence worried her. “I thought you were that close now, didn’t she tell you anything?”

“Nuh-uh, I see what you’re doing, Deborah”, the younger woman replied disapprovingly, “I’m not telling anyone anything, go talk to each other like normal adults do about whatever – God knows there’s a lot on your plates –, and soon. You’re fucking exhausting, the lot of you.”

And with that, Tammy squeezed Debbie’s shoulder and made her way back to the warehouse.

 

With their backs to the loft the entire time, none of them had noticed someone walking up to the red transport container and quickly disappearing again during their conversation.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You think that Lou was the person? That would be way too easy, right? ;) However, the next chapter will deal with THE scene (I know you know which one I mean).
> 
> How many of you noticed the little Carol throwback? I just had to, it's Carol season after all <3
> 
> Song: Alles, was du willst (everything you want) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sifI1vcY8Vw
> 
> They know your tricks and they warned me about it  
> But I had to try it out myself  
> you're a pretty illusion, emotions well camouflaged,  
> so you don't have to risk anything  
> and you have said way too much, and I have trusted way too much  
> you exposed me so many times, naked to the bone
> 
> take everything you want from me, everything you want from me,  
> I don't need it anymore  
> take everything you want from me, every little bit of me,  
> just my heart, my heart stays with me
> 
> such a cold stare, you're always on the hunt  
> you should see yourself  
> you sneak up quietly before you kill them  
> you collect hearts like trophies  
> and I took way too long to understand your game  
> from now on without me, I won't tell you goodbye
> 
> take everything you want from me, everything you want from me,  
> I don't need it anymore  
> take everything you want from me, every little bit of me,  
> just my heart, my heart stays with me
> 
> you're standing on my door step and say you're sorry  
> you twist and turn yourself around me  
> you're the spider under the glass, can't get to me anymore  
> conoct your lies around yourself alone


	7. You make your plans, but unfortunately without me (I know when you lie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's just... I just wanted to see if I could pull off something else, something more, bigger, better. And it turns out, I actually can.“
> 
> The anger slowly disappeared from Lou's features and left only raw hurt in its wake. „With someone that isn't me.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is freakin long, my god.  
> Did the beach scene get away with me? Yeah. Do I regret it? Not really.
> 
> Pro-tip: Having your feelings rejected really helps writing angst *sigh*
> 
> This chapter is actually inspired by two songs, the second one is not on the album, but GOD it fits so well!
> 
> The next chapter will be up in two weeks as per usual, so I wish you all happy holidays, lots of presents (if applicable) and a hopefully nice time with your family! 
> 
> If you're dreading the latter and want/need support, hit me up, I'm not comfortable this time of the year, either.

The kitchen was eerily quiet, only the clock on the wall was setting a constant and relentless rhythm.

 

Lou stood in the kitchen with her arms propped against the kitchen counter, trying to steady her breathing.

 

She had wanted to talk to Tammy for a second about her catering part during the heist, but had stopped short the moment she’d seen Debbie sitting at the shore with her. Now, she was regretting not trusting her instincts and turning around immediately. The words were muted by the waves when they’d drifted over to her, but she’d heard and felt every one of them like continuous punches to her gut.

 

“ _I’m doing something about it, I’m trying to ignore it–“_

 

The words hammered against the inside of her head with abandon.

 

“ _Ignoring it is the best way to go. I have to take care of the heist, period. There is no room for anything else.”_

 

Her heart hammered no less in her chest, slightly off rhythm to her head, creating an unending buzz without regard for anything else but itself.

 

“ _I cannot be with Lou, now or ever.”_

 

God, it hurt.

 

“ _I cannot be with Lou.”_

 

She slammed her fists on the counter, a weak attempt to cancel out emotional pain with a physical one, but to no avail.

 

“ _Now or ever.”_

 

She felt her legs getting shaky over the terrorising noise within her. With the last bit of strength, she sat down on the floor, back against the cupboard, in a somewhat controlled manner. Her face to the ceiling, she tried to blink the rising tears away by sheer force of will.

 

Oh how she hated emotions. Joy and anger were acceptable in her opinion, but the rest could just stay far away from her, thank you very much. And this particular emotion she was feeling right now? This soul-destroying hurt? This one could fuck off right to the ends of the universe and she wouldn’t miss it.

 

Suddenly, she heard footsteps approaching. She hastily tried to wipe the wetness on her face away without smudging her eyeliner. She was not a second too late.

 

Amita stopped dead in her tracks. “Lou? Are you okay?”

 

The blonde hid her failing voice behind a cough before trying again. “Yeah, sure.”

 

If she had been looking up, she would have seen that Amita was definitely not buying it. The Indian made another attempt.

 

“I heard a loud bang from in here and I find you sitting on the floor. So, again, are you okay?”

 

She was met with silence. But if Amita was one thing, it was patient, so she waited her out. Once Lou realised that the other woman wasn’t going away without an explanation, she put on a blank face and looked up at her.

 

“I’m fine, I just hit my shin on this blasted corner over there”, Amita raised her eyebrows disbelievingly, forcing Lou to answer her unspoken question, “… and it hurts like a bitch so I decided to sit down before I hurt myself even more. Do you need more details?”

 

She scoffed quietly at the Australian’s slightly irritated tone until something caught her eye outside of the window. “Nah, save it. You want me to help you up or do you want to leave that to Debbie and Tammy?”

 

“What?” Lou really hoped that the alarm wasn’t all too visible in her face.

 

Amita didn’t let anything on, she just pointed with her thumb into the general direction of the window. “They’re on their way back inside. Whatever they were doing out there, it’s waaaay too cold today.”

 

In an instant, Lou was up on her feet and out of the room. Listening to her fading footsteps on the stairs, the younger woman heaved a small sigh and turned to make her way back to the living room. “Hurt shin, my ass.”

___

 

Tammy stared at Debbie disbelievingly. Their conversation on the shore yesterday was still fresh in her mind and now Debbie was actually asking her _this_?

 

“Let me get this straight, you want me to set up Claude Becker as Kluger’s date? The very same guy who scammed you and put you into prison? Are you nuts?”

 

The look on the brunette’s face clearly showed how little she understood Tammy’s objection. “I think it’s perfect.”

 

“Well, that’s probably because you’re apparently running on Chinese takeout and revenge. What did Lou say to your excellent idea?”

 

Any other person might not have noticed Debbie’s eyes flitting away for the fraction of a second, but the blonde had spent a fair share of her life with this woman and thus calling her out on her bullshit. She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath.

 

“You didn’t tell her.”

 

“I haven’t told her _yet_ ” Debbie stated firmly, already getting herself in a defensive stand, “and it’s not like I had the chance to talk properly to her. It’s like she’s running errands all day long even though there is not that much to do for her right now.”

 

Tammy slipped out of her heels while considering the Ocean expectantly. “And what does your genius level intellect make of that?”

 

She let her arms fall to her sides again in a gesture of helplessness. “She’s running from something.” _From me._ Just thinking it made dread coil in her stomach. If there was one thing he hated, not knowing what was going on definitely made the Top 3. Before she took care of this very special problem, however, she needed to get Tammy out of her hair so she could mull over it in peace. “She’s probably just nervous and blowing off steam, this is the biggest thing we’ve ever pulled after all.”

 

“Keep on telling yourself that, I’m trying to work out how to maneuver Becker into the gala in the meantime”, she slung her bag over her shoulder and made her way in the general direction of the little workspace Lou had installed for her in a corner of the main floor, “and tell Lou the second you see her.”

 

Debbie just rolled her eyes after her friend.

___

 

 

Lou was looking halfheartedly at the seating plan projected to the wall, her thoughts were miles away. She had spent the day doing this and that, looking after the club, locking herself in her room reading - just anything to distract her from this gaping hole in her chest. If anyone had told her she was running away from her problems or Debbie in particular, she would have scoffed in their face. For one, that wasn’t true. For two, whatever.

 

She fiddled with the remote in her hands some more and tried to find her way back into the here and now. “So… who’s the date?”

 

“I don’t know”, came the prompt answer from Debbie sitting on the metal steps.

 

She didn’t push it, but she was very skeptical about that. It was actually quite hard to believe that there was just one single thing Debbie hadn’t thought of in her planning, and even harder to believe that she would admit a lack of knowledge outright like this.

 

Behind her, Tammy’s head had whipped from Lou to Debbie the same second the Australian had asked. The fact that the brunette pointedly refused to meet her eyes raised her level of annoyance even more. Her fingers itched to grab Debbie and shake some sense into her, but decided against it. From now on, this, whatever this was, was Debbie’s and Debbie’s problem alone, Tammy decided. After all, you can only lead a horse to the water, the drinking it has to do by itself.

___

 

It felt like her spine was slowly being filled with ice, vertebrae by vertebrae. Where days before had been a blank space, there was now the name of the last person she ever wanted to lay her eyes upon. Lou tried to relax her clenched fists, but it seemed they had been turned to ice as well. She knew what Becker's name on that graphic meant, she knew who was responsible, that this couldn't be a simple coincidence.

 

She gave the screen a last hard look, imprinting every single pixel of betrayal onto her heart, and pushed herself off the desk. She could deal with Debbie holding back minor information, but this was a different level entirely.

 

Nine Ball gave Tammy a side glance after watching Lou storm off. “D'I wanna know or nah?”

 

The blonde patted her on the shoulder and got up to make some coffee (maybe even an Irish one, it was starting to become this kind of day). “Trust me, I'd prefer not to know, either.”

 

 

If the gravel wouldn't be crunching this loudly under her heels, she'd probably be able to hear how hard she was gritting her teeth, Lou thought. But of course Deborah-fucking-Ocean had to spent her time at the shore, sitting around like she had just been waiting for this moment to arrive. She hated being played at the best of times, but this thing right here? This was adding insult to injury adding to a lot of bottled up hurt and anger. One last deep breath to keep herself from exploding instantly and she was only a few steps away from Debbie.

 

“Hey! We need to talk!” finally the Ocean was looking at her “you better tell me this is not what I think it is.”

 

“What?” came the Debbie's prompt reply, alarm clearly visible on her face.

 

“Claude Becker.” The name alone tasted like acid on her tongue.

 

In an instant, the dread in Debbie's eyes vanished and she gave her a lopsided smile, accompanied by her trademark innocent mask which was only underlined by some of her brown locks being blown into her face. “I didn't do that.”

 

The Australian's hackles rose immediately at that. “I'm not a croupier, okay? Or a tourist with a bucket of quarters, don't con me! You do not run a job in a job!”

 

“It's not going to matter.”

 

Lou almost raised her eyebrows at that. This was as close to an admission from Debbie's side as she could probably get. However, she'd be damned if she'd just leave it at that. “We are gonna get caught.”

 

Debbie started to roll her eyes at her, but thought better of it halfway through. Instead, she tried a simple yet firm “Stop, we're not.”

 

At this point, Lou wasn't sure anymore what was hurting more – that Debbie was obviously not taking her concerns seriously or that she was hiding something from her yet again. She made a move to walk away, but thought better of it. This was hitting too deep to just let it go. “Why do you do this? Why can't you just do a job, why does there always have to be an asterisk?”

 

The silence she was met with was deafening. However, it made it all the more easier to come to a decision.

 

“You frame him, I walk!”

 

This seemed to get Debbie's full attention, finally. “Stop.”

 

But Lou was far away from stopping, too much had been pent up in the last six years and was now making its way to the surface. „This is just like last time.”

 

And with that she started walking away in earnest, trying desperately to fight off a memory she thought she had drowned in countless bottles of liquor.

 

 

 

_Lou jerked wide awake in an instant as the apartment door fell closed. She blinked confusedly as to why she was on the ratty sofa instead of their slightly less ratty mattress, before realisation struck her. Apparently she had fallen asleep waiting for Debbie yet again._

 

“ _Do you know what time it is?” she croaked sleep-laden at the shadow appearing in the doorway._

 

_Shoes clattered to the floor with a bang. “Jeez, Lou, trying to give me a heart attack?” Shock turned quickly into giggles by the end of the question._

 

_The blonde fumbled blindly for the light switch, making both women squint at the sudden brightness. While Debbie was still trying to contain her giggles and simultaneously to not knock her head against the door frame, Lou took in the picture in front of her._

 

“ _Debs, are you drunk?”_

 

“ _Naaaaah, I just had”, the Ocean started counting with her fingers but had to start over twice before she got it right, “three glasses of wine and two or four martinis.”_

 

_Her jaw set in determination, Lou grabbed Debbie's wrist and pulled her into the direction of the bathroom. “Alright, let's get you cleaned up and we'll discuss whatever is going on with you at the moment once you're sober again. I'm not spending another night worrying because you decide to flaunt off without your phone.”_

 

_She almost stumbled as the other woman pulled herself free in one smooth movement. When she turned around, she found Debbie looking at her defiantly._

 

“ _You are not my fucking mother, Lou, stop acting like you are and leave me the fuck alone!” For a second it seemed like the brunette was as surprised at her words and her volume as Lou was, but she recovered quickly, crossing her arms in front of her chest and daring her to object._

 

_The blonde took a moment more to get over the initial shock until all the anger and worry of the last weeks bubbled to the surface. Fine, if Debbie wanted to have this conversation here and now, she could have it._

 

„ _Tell you what, Deborah, I wish I could just leave! But joke's on me here, I guess, cos I just fucking care too much and that's why I've been spending night after night worrying where the hell you are and what you're hiding from me! Boo-hoo, sorry me!“ She threw her hands up at Debbie's stunned expression and made her way to the kitchen. Now_ she _was in desperate need of something strong._

 

_The movement kicked the brunette back into action and she followed her as best as she could without stumbling. When the blonde turned around again with a tumbler in her hand, she noticed something new in the neon light of the kitchen sink, leaving a bitter taste on her tongue that was clearly not from the whiskey. „Is that a hickey?“_

 

_Debbie sheepishly covered the mark on her neck up with her hand as if this made everything unseen and everything clicked into place for Lou._

 

„ _You've been out with this art dealer guy again. Carl-what's-his-name.” It was more a statement than a question._

 

_Again this stance of utter defiance. „It's Claude and so what if I was?“_

 

„ _So what? I wouldn't give a rat's ass if he was just a hook-up or God forbid you'd actually try a serious relationship, but I know you! I know you've pulled at least one con with him without telling me“, with great satisfaction she saw how the colour drain from Debbie's face, „and it's really making me question the base of our friendship.“_

 

_Gracelessly, the brunette flopped down on one of their chairs. „But... how?“_

 

_A cruel smile formed on Lou's lips at Debbie's loss for words. „How what? How I knew what was going on or how come I haven't left even though you went behind my back and betrayed my trust on purpose?“_

 

_The brunette huffed indignantly, but didn't dare to meet Lou's eyes. „Oh come on, do you need to be so dramatic about it?“_

 

„ _Oh I'm sorry, don't you like it when someone who isn't you is demanding attention?“, Lou knew she was being unfair, but she was too far gone to stop now, her voice climbing higher with every second, „I'm sitting here time and time again, knowing fully well that my partner and best friend is either going behind my back with someone else or being on a bender for whatever reason. Turns out, you're being a very practical person once again and are doing both!“_

 

_With a determined „Enough!“ the Ocean slammed her fists on the poker-slash-dinner table and Lou was shocked to see actual tears prickling at her friend's eyes. „Please, Lou, stop. Will you let me explain? Please?“_

 

_The number of 'please's alone kept the blonde from saying anything else. It was rare to get even a single one from her in a month's time so this was actually serious for once._

 

_Seeing that Lou was finally giving her the time to speak, Debbie nervously raked her fingers through her hair in an attempt to collect her thoughts. „Okay. Okay. So, yes, I pulled off a simple but quite rewarding con with him last week. And we're planning for another one at the moment. Hold up, no, I'm not done yet. It's just... I just wanted to see if I could pull off something else, something more, bigger, better. And it turns out, I actually can.“_

 

_The anger slowly disappeared from Lou's features and left only raw hurt in its wake. „With someone that isn't me.“_

 

_Debbie was up in an instant and grabbed both of the blonde's hands. „No, no, Lou, it isn't like that. It's just practising and warming up for all the magnificent things we'll do once I'm done with this. This -“, she made a vague gesture at the mark on her neck and reached for Lou's hand again, „- is just to make him trust me until I scam my way out of it with his shares too.“_

 

_Lou absentmindedly traced Debbie's knuckles with her thumbs and took a deep breath. She was quiet when she spoke up again. „Debs, please stop. I have a very bad feeling about this and I don't trust him farther than I can throw him.“_

 

„ _Trust me on this one, please!“ The Ocean was almsot begging now but the Australian couldn't and wouldn't be swayed._

 

_Eyes filled with sadness, she shook her head slowly and let go of Debbie's hands. „Sorry, honey, but I'm trusting my gut on this and you should too.“_

 

_Quickly, her pleading eyes turned hard and her jaw set in stone. „Suit yourself, but you'll see what you get out of it.“ And with that she stomped off to the bedroom, leaving Lou to look after her._

 

_When she woke up on the sofa a few hours later, feeling like a truck had run her over, Debbie and her duffelbag were gone._

 

 

 

It took a while until Debbie's voice successfully permeated the fog in her head.

 

“Lou!”, in a last attempt, the brunette put herself right in her way to make her stop, “He sent me to jail, you have no idea what that's like!”

 

Lou knew what Debbie was trying to tell her with that, but it felt like a slap in the face all the same. She might not have been in jail herself, but couldn't Debbie see that the last six years had been hell for her as well? That she probably wouldn't have made it to this point if Tammy hadn't been around to keep her in check?

 

Well, if she wasn't able to see that far past herself and her plan, Lou certainly wouldn't waste her time by telling her. Steeling her features as thoroughly as she was able to in that moment, she looked back at the woman in front of her. “Yeah, well, he's gonna do it again”

 

Debbie sensed the slight shift in mood and tried to be as reassuring as possible. “No, he's not.... he's not.” Without thinking she grabbed Lou's left hand, finding comfort in the familiar feeling and hoping to project the same to her best friend. However, all she felt was Lou going rigid at the touch before she relaxed slightly after what felt like an eternity.

 

It was a simple touch and a gesture they've shared countless times before, but this time it sent a tingle up Lou's arm and made her feel light-headed. She didn't dare to look at their joint hands, didn't dare to look directly at Debbie for fear what she'd see in her eyes. Instead, she fixed her gaze on something behind her and willed her tongue into moving again.

 

It was just a whisper, barely audible over the sound of the wind and the waves, thus failing completely to transport the quip she wanted to throw at the Ocean in a desperate attempt of attack-is-the-best-defense. „If we end up in jail, you can bet your ass I'm vouching for separate cells.“

 

„Suit yourself, but then I won't include you in my extraordinary prison-break scheme“, a small smile played around the corner of the brunette's lips as she squeezed Lou's hand a bit tighter, „but this is just plan T and it won't come to that, ever. I promise, okay?“

 

Lou was at a loss for words. Before she could say anything stupid, she decided to just stay silent and give a curt nod. For Debbie however, this wasn't cutting it.

 

„So, are we good now? Please, Lou, I don't want us to fight about this. Trust me on this one, yeah?“

 

_Trust me on this one._

 

Lou closed her eyes for a brief moment, silently counting to four. Mustering up every bit of self control, she looked the other woman in the eyes.

 

“Yeah, we're good. Now let me go, please.” It felt like a stab to Debbie's heart and she wanted nothing more than to grip her hand tighter at that, but the quiet please at the end broke something in her. Slowly and deliberately, trying to memorise the feeling of their entwined hands, she let Lou's fingers slip from hers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs:  
> 1) The last time / das letzte Mal ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaUdyNrvY8U )
> 
> I'm standing 'round and waiting for hours now  
> and guessing when the mister will finally turn up  
> cos you have 7 lives and 6 are spoken for  
> why do I put up with this  
> you make your plans, but unfortunately without me  
> what you call 'love' chains me to your side
> 
> I can't sleep, I can't sleep next to you  
> when I know that you don't want it to be me  
> in the morning, in the morning you're not here anymore  
> and I swear to myself everytime that this was the last time
> 
> I know exactly how I will tell you  
> End it with a question, planned everything in my head  
> well, in my head it's easy, but not really my thing  
> words are lost on me  
> I make my plan, and burn myself on it  
> whatever I do, it just starts again
> 
> I can't sleep, I can't sleep next to you  
> when I know that you don't want it to be me  
> in the morning, in the morning you're not here anymore  
> and I swear to myself everytime that this was the last time
> 
> the last time
> 
> I want to sleep  
> I want to sleep next to you  
> cos I believe one day are you still with me in the morning  
> and I swear to myself everytime that this was the last time
> 
> 2) You better leave now / Du gehst jetzt besser ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLflpXqVVro )
> 
> Whatever I say, it doesn't matter  
> cos you have decided  
> It's just like that  
> Whatever I do, it's over  
> I don't feel your reasons  
> but they make sense  
> I'm feeling cold, you don't warm me anymore  
> Nobody's screaming for help
> 
> You sit in front of me and start to explain  
> No, I don't wanna hear it  
> Are you really that cool?  
> Hey, you better leave now  
> I know when you lie  
> And I know that I can't change anything  
> Hey, you better leave now  
> You better leave now
> 
> No, somehow this isn't fair  
> I only think about the good times  
> tough luck  
> no whining, it'll pass  
> the world's full with boys lying in wair  
> I'm feeling cold, you don't warm me anymore  
> Nobody's screaming for help
> 
> You sit in front of me and start to explain  
> No, I don't wanna hear it  
> Are you really that cool?  
> Hey, you better leave now  
> I know when you lie  
> And I know that I can't change anything  
> Hey, you better leave now  
> You better leave now
> 
> Oh please, save your words  
> they aren't helping me now  
> Take your stuff and go  
> I'll make it without you


	8. I want to see the stars from above

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debbie let her gaze shamelessly wander Lou up and down, her personal high throwing almost all cautions about her words in the wind. “You look magnificent, baby."
> 
> “See something you like, honey?”
> 
> And here they were again, like back at Veselka, like years and years before, trading flirtatious words but never getting too close to cross the line at the horizon. Just hinting at what might be beyond but never actually breathing a word about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're now in the second half of the story, only 6 more chapters to go! So if there's anything you might want to have included, hmu, I'm not dead set on anything at the moment :)
> 
> I hope you had pleasant holidays (cue to: check out my not so Christmassy Christmas oneshot "Cold nights under siege from accusations"!) and will spend NYE as you like it! Have a blast and we'll read each other again next year - xx

Debbie was running high on endorphins, she wasn’t gonna lie. Standing at the designated street corner to meet up with Lou, she was just short of vibrating out of her skin – part joy and part nerves because the Australian was already half a minute late.

Thirty seconds probably meant nothing to the majority of people, but in their business, less than ten seconds alone could mean the difference between success and years in jail. Right now, she wasn’t particularly worried about another stay in said establishment for herself, but rather that Lou being behind schedule meant she’d been caught which in turn meant she might end up inside (alone, because she would never in a hundred years rat out on any of them).

It was the worst case scenario the brunette was envisioning there, she knew that, however she wasn’t able to keep her thoughts from kicking into overdrive. She could deal with a lot of things, with almost anything, but not with something happening to Lou. Not after just having her back.

Whatever had transpired that day on the beach, it hadn't been resolved completely so far. The tension in front of the team had decreased, or rather taken on a more subtle tone, and the impending Met gala creeping closer day by day had kept everyone on their toes with their respective tasks. From time to time, she had caught Tammy's eyes from the other side of the living area over the heads and bustling of the girls, letting her know without doubt that she wasn't buying whatever kind of charade Debbie and Lou were trying to keep up. However, she hadn't brought the subject up again to the Ocean's great relief.

She fiddled with her watch again. Back in the day, Lou sometimes had taken more time than needed for meeting up on whatever occasions just to ruffle Debbie's feathers a bit, but never too much to actually piss her off – it had been a lpng hard exercise in patience for her. It was paying off now, though, if not for that Debbie probably would've gone mental right on this very spot from both worry and anger.

When she looked back up from her watch, she noticed heels coming her way from under the colourful vendor cart on the other side of the street. She held her breath and clung to her last bit of patience. Then the heels disappeared behind the wheels and a tall figure appeared. There she was, sauntering to the middle of the cross-walk like the show-off she was before she turned around to face Debbie from across the street.

They both tried to keep a straight face when they saw each other for the first time in their respective outfits but failed, Debbie a bit more so than Lou. But really, could anyone blame her? The blonde was bathed from shoulders to toes in a sparkling turquoise pantsuit with a black faux-fur collar that gave way to a  _very low_ v-neckline. Debbie really wanted to make herself believe she was just ogling the necklace with the Toussaint piece dangling  _right there_ .

In a weak attempt at self preservation she broke their eye contact and started slowly walking back into the direction of the Met, wordlessly telling Lou to catch up with her. They walked in silence for a while, earning curious and also a fair share of appraising glances from passer bys.

Finally, the realisation of what they'd just accomplished really dawned on her and she dared to break the quietness of the night. “You're late.”

“And you're missing an eye”, Lou replied in a beat, leaving Debbie utterly baffled.

“I- What?!”

The deep chuckle she got in response sent shivers down her spine. “You really need to catch up on some movies. You'll like this one, the villainess is pretty hot.”

Debbie took a deep breath and steered the conversation back into the direction she actually wanted it to go. “Everything went well?”

They were still staring and walking straight ahead, but she didn't need to look to notice the proud smirk on Lou's face. “Without a hitch thanks to your remarkable acting.”

“Danke, ich hab' alles gegeben.” At last, she let the tension drain from her body and felt pure and utter elation wash over her in its stead.

Lou huffed a laugh at that. “You damn well know I can't stand not knowing what you're saying, throwing a foreign language at me doesn't make it any better.”

“Sorry, I was actually worried I had gotten rusty after all these years not using it – I kept my German skills a secret inside, cos I was afraid all this white pride neonazi scum would flock to me and look for guidance if they found out.”

“Aww poor you, is that why you've been practising so hard in front of the mirror?”

It rarely happened, but Debbie actually blushed a bit at that. “God, you noticed?” She had thrown a lot of nonsense but also not so kind words at her reflection and really hoped none of the other women understood a single word of German.

The blonde noticed her distress. “Once or twice, but don't worry, I think it was only me... And due to the lack of exposure I've forgotten probably every word you ever taught me.”

The Ocean quickly covered up the guilt she felt at those words with a cheeky grin. “That's a shame, you were such a good student.”

Lou raised an eyebrow and looked at her pointedly. “And you were a better liar.”

“Touché.”

By now, they had passed the Met by a few blocks and deemed it safe enough to slip off into a quiet alleyway. In the dim street lights falling in from between the buildings they finally looked at each other.  _Really_ looked.

Debbie let her gaze shamelessly wander Lou up and down, her personal high throwing almost all cautions about her words in the wind. “You look magnificent, baby.”

Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe the brunette’s words and her gaze of unguarded appreciation, either way a slight hint of pink stole its way high onto Lou’s cheeks. Despite all that, playing it cool was still her second nature and thus she went for a sly grin and a wink after gathering her bearings. “See something you like,  _honey_ ?”

And here they were again, like back at Veselka, like years and years before, trading flirtatious words but never getting too close to cross the line at the horizon. Just hinting at what might be beyond but never actually breathing a word about it.

Lou was still working through last weeks' events, especially through those words that had made her heart shatter involuntarily. And after that stunt on the beach she had vowed to herself to build her guard up again, to see this heist through and then take a long vacation to pull herself and her heart back together. This, however, this easy banter, their trademark back and forth,  this _look_ Debbie was giving her – this made it exceptionally hard to cling to her plan and not dive right back in. She was still baffled at how she could've been that blind all these years.

“Yes, actually”, Lou's ears perked up at Debbie's response, “that diamond necklace is a killer. Be careful or someone might try to steal it.”

Slow like honey, disappointment made its way through Lou's veins and she scolded herself for hoping for a different reply than that. She needed to steer this conversation back onto safe territory again or otherwise she might do or say something she'd very much regret later on.

“Then let's get it home to the rest of the family.”

The blonde noticed a shadow clouding over Debbie's features but it was gone so fast she wondered if she'd just imagined it. Without a word she strut past Lou out onto the street again and began to flag down a cab. She finally met her gaze again when a desired yellow car started to pull over.

“Louuuuu.”

Oh God, she knew that voice. Whatever had transpired in the alley a minute ago had apparently completely dissipated and the Ocean was back on working off her endorphin level – or ignoring the elephant in the room by sheer force of will and stubbornness. Both was equally likely. The mischievous and playful glint in the brunette’s eyes propelled Lou back to almost twenty years ago, way back before Debbie had started wearing a mask even in private.

“Whatever it is you're about to propose, we're going home first.” The blonde wasn't about to take any chances with these diamonds.

Debbie's grin only broadened at that. “Of course we are, I can't dance properly in this dress.”

___

It was way past 3 a.m. as they left the still buzzing club to make their way home. Watching the city whiz by from the backseat of the cab, Lou was still struggling to understand what even had happened within the last six hours of her life.

So they had stolen not only the Toussaint but a bunch of very expensive jewellery, too – okay. Then she had met up with Debbie and after having one of those weird moments again they had driven home – also okay. Over a bottle of champagne, they had talked about how and when the girls would return with the remaining pieces of the Toussaint and what the next steps would be – mighty fine. And then Debbie had made them both change into different outfits and go to a club dancing because apparently she had been under the impression they were thirty again – and this was where it had started getting confusing once again.

At the club – not her own, they were trying to lay low after all – it was as if the last ten years had never happened. They had danced together and with others, but never leaving the other out of sight, gotten some drinks (and one or two wallets, because she was Debbie Ocean, duh) out of unsuspecting strangers, and hours later fallen sweaty and tired into the back of this very cab.

Lou dared risking a glance at their joint hands between them on the backseat while the Ocean was engrossed in watching the city lights pass by on her side of the window. A comforting warmth was creeping up Lou's arm from where their skin touched and she had to admit to herself that she was utterly in love with this infuriating and brilliant woman next to her.

With the admission however came back the memory of Debbie's words at the shore and the previously comforting warmth started to feel like searing pain. She removed her hand and pointedly ignored the confused look the brunette shot her.

Both of them were caught up deep in their own thoughts, but wondering about the same things: their own feelings for each other, what the other might feel, and how they could get out of this mess without hurting each other too much in the process. It was like a game of darts where no one dared to aim for the bull's eye in fear the whole target and the bar around them might shatter if they actually hit it.

By the time they arrived at the loft, all of the elation and exuberance of the last hours had disappeared, exhaustion taking its place.

“Shall I make us a cup of tea?” Debbie tentatively broke the silence.

The blonde looked the woman next to her up and down, protectiveness surging through her at the slightly dishevelled appearance of her friend. “I don't think so, you're practically dead on your feet”, she silenced the budding protest of the brunette on the spot, “Don't make me drag you to bed.”

Debbie's mouth snapped shut immediately, only then the double meaning of her own words hit Lou. Blaming the slip-up on the few drinks she'd had, she directly went to deflect.

“Oh don't flatter yourself, I have no problem leaving you down here on the couch, but your back probably will. So, come on, up you go!”

Debbie playfully rolled her eyes, but let herself be ushered up the stairs. “Okay, mom.”

Standing in front of the Ocean's bedroom door, as it was closer to the staircase, they were engulfed in an awkward silence yet again. One hand of the door knob, Debbie shyly met Lou's eyes after what felt like an eternity.

“Thank you for tonight.”

Lou shot her a cheeky but no less honest smile. “I think I have to thank you for millions of dollars, minus the cab money of course.”

“You're a nuisance, Lou Miller!” The brunette punched her playfully in the shoulder, earning herself a laugh. Hearing Lou laugh freely and unashamedly awoke a pleasant warmth in her middle.

“Daring words from certified pain in the ass Debbie Ocean!”

Grinning widely and a look in her eyes she only had when she was one hundred percent sure she was about to win, she crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Well, joke's on you, cos you like me anyhow.”

There was something in Lou’s eyes, a glint, a flicker, and something in Debbie went completely still. Instead, her body sprung into motion. She crossed the remaining centimetres between them, cradled the blonde’s face between her hands and kissed her.

Lou's first impulse was to push her away, to demand an explanation about what was going on, but Debbie’s soft lips knocked over the last shred of her very poor version of resistance. She felt like melting and sought for any kind of purchase, holding on firmly to the brunette’s waist at last.

A low sigh of contentment escaped from the brunette, which Lou could only answer with a similar hum of her own. She was even more confused than before, if that was even a possibility, but right in this very second, with Debbie's lips on her and her hands slowly wandering from Lou's face over her neck down her back, she was determined to throw all reason and cautions in the wind and savour this very moment. Her right hand started a journey of its own in the opposite direction, trailing up Debbie's spine until it found its place in the soft hair of the Ocean's neck.

Just as Lou was about to pull her impossibly closer and deepen the kiss, Debbie all but jumped away from her, eyes almost comically wide. Without blinking, she practically fell through the bedroom door behind her, closing it with a wham in the blonde’s surprised face.

Panting heavily, she leaned her forehead against the cool wood, listing for Lou’s footsteps to move away. Only when she was certain the Australian had made her way to her own bedroom or wherever, she allowed herself to close her eyes and take a deep breath. She was very much awake now.

“Shit, shit, SHIT!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Danke, ich hab' alles gegeben" - Thanks, I gave it my all
> 
> SORRY (not sorry) for that Thor reference, but I've watched this movie so many times my instantaneous reply to "you're late" has become this... can't help it.
> 
> Song: Durchdrehen (freak out) ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=074l8ORZw88 )
> 
> I want the darkness to arrive  
> I want the night to begin  
> from now on, from now on  
> I'm in the mood to party  
> want to see the stars from above  
> tonight, the night
> 
> finally I'm right in the middle of it  
> this is great, it's amazing, I want more
> 
> and I don't want it to stop  
> I don't want the night to end  
> I don't want to go home yet  
> Just little bit, just once in a while  
> I need to really freak out
> 
> everyone's dancing, only time is standing still  
> everything's moving and we're right in the middle  
> this looks amazing
> 
> we party hard, this is great, more and more
> 
> and I don't want it to stop  
> I don't want the night to end  
> I don't want to go home yet  
> Just little bit, just once in a while  
> I need to really freak out
> 
> there's no new day tomorrow  
> cos this night has no end


	9. Interlude: We were dancing on the rooftops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She decided not to comment on it and just enjoy their closeness for a bit. Maybe it was the gentle buzz of the alcohol running through her veins, maybe she just felt comfortable enough for a moment to let herself go, but without thinking she let her head rest on Lou's shoulder with a content sigh.
> 
> Interlude: What happened at the club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just an interlude that adds exactly nothing to the plot but otherwise I wouldn't have been able to fit in the corresponding album track. And I love this song, God do I love it, it's on my happy playlist and it gives me all the best feels. Additionally, I think a lot of you want to know if something interesting happened while dancing ;) A lil breather before all the angst happens, so to speak.
> 
> Furthermore, this is just a heads up for the next chapter. I'm 96 % sure I'll split it into two cos it's kinda gotten outta control (I'm at over 4k words and I'm no way done). Jsyk.
> 
> If you don't immediately recognise the song that's referenced in the first half I'll be disappointed and you have to stop reading, look it up, and listen to it. Having it in your ear makes this just all the better <3

 

 

Debbie felt drops of sweat running down the side of her face, in this moment in time she couldn’t care less, however. Heading out to a club had been a split second decision born out of adrenaline, endorphin, and the compulsive need to deflect, but it definitely had been one of her better choices within the last seven years.

Right now, she could let herself forget the stress of the heist planning, the Met gala itself, whatever was askew between Lou and herself and bathed in the glory of this moment instead. That Lou was beside her despite their unspoken problems made it all the sweeter. She had gotten whisked away by some stranger – a handsome one, she had to admit – for a dance and was just about to seize the opportunity and make a move to add his wallet to her collection, when the music changed to another song. 

It was just the first chords of the intro, but Immediately her head whipped around and her eyes found Lou’s from across the room. Forgotten were the guy (or rather his wallet) and the drink Lou had been nursing as they both made their way towards each other through the crowd, grinning broadly the whole time.

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?”

Lou's laugh was barely audible over the song and the crowd singing along. “Of fucking course I do! It's a shame Tammy isn't here right now.”

“Well I guess we have to make up for her absence ourselves then”, Debbie grabbed Lou's hand and pulled her deeper onto the dance floor, all the while singing loudly and daring the blonde to join in, “ _She says we gotta hold on to what we've got..._ ”

“. _.. it doesn't make a difference if we_ _make it or not_ ”, the blonde continued the lyrics and made a show of twirling Debbie on the spot.

Most of the people in the club probably hadn't even been born when that song came out, but that kept exactly no one from having the time of their lives right there and then. It felt much the same for the two women, as hearing that song again threw them back right to the beginning of the Nineties when Lou had just met Debbie and subsequently started pulling off shit with her and Tammy.

 

“ _Turn it up! Turn it up!”_

_Tammy swatted her hand away from the radio. “No, stop it! I have to concentrate!”_

_Debbie wasn't deterred one bit, egged on by Lou laughing from the backseat with her right foot propped up against Tammy's headrest. “Aww, c'mon Tim-Tam, live a little!”_

“ _Deb!” she tried to protest, but it was to no avail. The brunette made a move for the dial again and turned the volume up as far as it would go, “I swear to God, you'll get us all killed someday!”_

“ _Whaaaat?” Debbie laughed over the music “I can't hear you over dear Jon Bon!”_

_They were speeding down the interstate 87 and Tammy was wondering once again how she had managed to end up in the driver's seat of a stolen truck loaded top to the prim with dishwashers at the tender age of 18. But glancing into the mirrors on the lookout for any suspicious cars and then to Debbie beside her who was hanging halfway out of the passenger's window and screaming along the lyrics, only secured by a laughing Lou holding her by her belt, she knew she wouldn't have it any other way. Lastly, she gave in and joined in with the two of them._

“We got each other and that's a lot for loooooove – we'll give it a shot!”

_Hearing Tammy sing, Debbie slid back into her seat with Lou's help and grinned at her broadly.”Now that's what I'm talking about!” And in an act of juvenile recklessness she flung herself at Tammy, who barely kept the truck from steering into the oncoming traffic at the surprise, and pressed a kiss to her cheek._

“ _Jesus, Deb! Are you insane?!”_

“ _Tam, if you ever need me to reign her in, just say the word”, came Lou's deep and accent-heavy voice from the back, apparently unfazed by their almost-accident, making Debbie blush profusely and remove her hand from Tammy's thigh._

_She suppressed the nagging feeling deep inside her at the looks Debbie and Lou shared at the latter's statement. Tammy knew that it was never meant to last forever when she'd first gotten involved with the Ocean, but she'd never thought it could be over quite so soon. Still, the moment Lou had entered the picture she had felt Debbie starting to slowly slip away from her._

“ _Thanks, Lou, I think I'll take you up on that offer once or twice.”_

_Debbie laughed and punched her lightly in the shoulder, then slid her hand down Tammy's arm and intertwined their fingers carefully as not to disturb her driving too much. As the song faded out she brought both Tammy's and Lou's hand to her lips and gently put her lips to each of the backs of their hands._

“ _You're both idiots. Amazing idiots, my idiots, but idiots nevertheless!”_

 

They were caught up so deeply in their dancing and the memory of their rather carefree days, they almost missed the song changing to ' _Rooms on Fire_ '. Almost.

Something close to confusion was evident on Lou's face for a second. “Well that's a kinda rough transition.”

Debbie raised her eyebrows. “Are you actually complaining that they're playing Stevie Nicks? Who are you?”

“Never! I'm just sayin–“ the confusion grew as Debbie draped her arms around her neck, sending shivers down her spine, “ – You know this song isn't exactly fit for slow dancing, right?”

The Ocean just shrugged her shoulders. “We'll make it work. Also, there's this creepy guy at the bar who's been leering at me ever since I danced with this other guy and I really don't want to give him any opening to come closer.”

There wasn't actually a guy like that – well, not that she knew of – but something in her kept her from just spilling the unfiltered truth, that she wanted to have Lou close in this very moment, that this song maybe hit a bit too close to home and she needed her. 

If the blonde saw through her little white lie, she didn't comment on it but instead hummed in agreement and put her arms around Debbie's waist, her palms resting comfortably on the small of her back. She pulled her just a little bit closer, their bodies brushing against each other with every other sway, when she felt something unusual against her thigh.

“Honey, is this a stolen wallet or are you just happy to see me?”

A devious smirk formed on Debbie's lips. “I'm always happy to see you, but to be perfectly honest... that's a wallet.”

Lou shook her head in fond exasperation and pinched the Ocean playfully in the sensitive skin right above her tailbone, making her yelp. “How do you even fit it under this tight skirt?”

She laughed at that, brown eyes sparkling in the dim light. Lou was just short of getting lost in them. “If I'd tell you, it'd totally ruin the moment.”

The Australian held her hands up in mock surrender – Debbie immediately felt the loss of warmth on her skin through her clothes – ,“For what it's worth, keep your secret, please”, before placing them right back where they had been seconds earlier. However, she managed to close the gap between their bodies in such a smooth movement that Debbie almost missed it. 

She decided not to comment on it and just enjoy their closeness for a bit. Maybe it was the gentle buzz of the alcohol running through her veins, maybe she just felt comfortable enough for a moment to let herself go, but without thinking she let her head rest on Lou's shoulder with a content sigh.

Lou's steps faltered for a split second as Debbie's warm breath grazed her neck and she hoped she recovered quickly enough for her not to notice her mishap and her loudly beating heart. She was playing with fire here, she knew she was going to get burnt, badly, yet she still couldn't get herself to care too much about it. The heat radiating off Debbie made her dizzy; and when exactly had she started drawing small circles on her back with her fingers?

Unbeknownst to each other, they were now both glad this very moment that Tammy wasn't around, knowing the younger woman would have a strong opinion about the position they were currently in. Lou suppressed a sigh and pressed her cheek to the Ocean's hair. She shouldn't read too much into this, she shouldn't get hung up on hoping that maybe Debbie felt the same for her after all. This was all just post-heist stupor, nothing more, nothing less.

But God, how she wished it was more.

Debbie was far away with her thoughts as well, her body moving on autopilot completely in sync with Lou's. She was expecting to other shoe to drop any given moment, this right here was way too good to be true, if you asked her. This was all she had wanted from the moment she had stepped into that courtroom six years ago, if she was being honest with herself. Forget the diamonds, forget the revenge on Becker, nothing of it mattered anymore except the feeling of Lou's body so close to her own.

She almost pressed her lips to the inviting skin right in front of her face but caught herself just in time. She had to be careful not to cross the line she had drawn for herself. Did she want to cross it, though? Desperately. Would it end in disaster if she did? She heard Lou's breath hitch as she scraped her nails over her neck without thinking. Yeah, it most likely would. 

Thus she decided to revel in this moment and not think of all the 'would be's and 'could be's even if this was the last time to have Lou this close without any repercussions and without having to explain herself.

And so they silently swayed from side to side, caught up in their own heads and in each other, completely forgetting their surroundings except for the music blasting from the speakers and each other's breathing. 

The song ended and an even slower one came up. Lou could nothing but chuckle at that. “Seems like they're trying to entice people to leave.”

“Mhm”, came the equally slow reply as Debbie raised her head from Lou's shoulder, “then we'll just find another club we can go to.”

The blonde stopped their swaying and let one of her hands wander slowly up and down Debbie's back in a soothing manner. “I don't think so, your eyes are drooping already. I think it's time for us to head home.”

Debbie's shoulders slumped a little at that. “How come you're not tired?”

Smiling, Lou gently extracted the other woman's hands from around her neck and pulled her into the direction of the exit, not once letting go of her hand. “In case you have forgotten, I own a club myself – but with a better DJ and longer opening hours.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I myself wasn't even in the making when Livin' on a Prayer came out (1986) but I grew up listening to Bon Jovi and I still go absolutely ape shit when hearing it. Also, I didn't do myself any favour by choosing this song, as it turned out, cos now I have the image of those three screaming "WHOOOOOAAAA WE'RE HALFWAY THERE" in that truck cabin stuck in my head whenever I listen to this song, which makes me very happy and very sad at the same time.
> 
> Shoutout to [oceans-lou](https://oceans-lou.tumblr.com/) for helping me looking for a Stevie Nicks song and subsequently getting me hooked on her!
> 
> Actual song to the chapter: Yeah yeah yeah ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1ZxSYtcwEc )
> 
> it feels like it was yesterday, quite a while ago  
> and I listen to those old songs, I turn them up, turn them up  
> we were dancing on the rooftops, we were larger than life  
> could fly or fall down, fly or fall down
> 
> yeah yeah yeah we were so ready  
> more more more and how didn't matter  
> yeah yeah yeah we didn't need a plan  
> it was so great so amazing  
> it should always be like this
> 
> there were no reasons for doubts, no compromises  
> we didn't have time to think, wanted everything or nothing  
> we were warriors without weapons, heroes without money  
> but in our hearts we were millionaires, we weren't missing anything
> 
> yeah yeah yeah we were so ready  
> more more more and how didn't matter  
> yeah yeah yeah we didn't need a plan  
> it was so great so amazing  
> it should always be like this  
> always be like this
> 
> and when I listen to our song, then I remember everything  
> and we promise each other to be like this forever


	10. Here I am, make a decision - Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Speaking of the last nine hours of our lives, I think there’s something we need to talk about.”
> 
> Debbie blinked confusedly. “What do you mean?”
> 
> The question didn’t surprise Lou at the least, this was peak Debbie Ocean behavior, deflecting until it got swept under the rug. “I mean the part where you decided personal space is an unnecessary luxury and kissed me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Here I am, make a decision - Part I" or "Into the Angst Abyss - Part I" or "They are a disaster and I strangle them mentally on a regular basis"
> 
> as I said, this chapter has gotten completely out of control and so I had to spit it into 2 parts to maintain a somewhat even word count per chapter (nobody cares about that except my inner Monk, I know). The 2nd part will be up on the first weekend of February :)
> 
> And.... sorry in advance, I guess?

Lou stared at the door, completely and utterly dumbstruck. For a few beats, she considered staying there until Debbie came back out to tell her what the hell was going on, but decided against it. Knocking and demanding an answer was a possibility as well, however if she knew one thing, it was that Debbie would rather make an effort to push her whole bed in front of the door to keep her from entering right now.

So in the end, she marched off to her own room, kicked off her shoes and threw herself face first onto the mattress. Finding every last shroud of self-restraint, she was able to keep herself from screaming into her pillow. She really felt like doing it, but she didn’t want to alert Debbie to her distress as the walls between the bedrooms weren't exactly thick.

Lou wished sleep would just envelope her so she wouldn’t have to think about what had just transpired outside this very door. Of course, nothing in her life could ever be easy, couldn’t it? With a frustrated groan she turned around and stared at the ceiling lying spread eagle. Tentatively she laid her fingers on her lips – her lips where mere minutes ago Debbie’s had been. Maybe she was imagining things, but it felt like they were still there, the softness of their touch still present in the tingle running down her spine.

A whirlwind of emotions started to rage inside her. They had kissed. Debbie had kissed her and it had been the best feeling in a long while, filling her stomach with the infamous metaphorical butterflies. But Debbie had also broken off the kiss and slammed her door in Lou’s face. Should she be happy about the kiss or should she be devastated about how it ended?

(Un)Luckily for her, not only her recent emotional distress crashed onto her, but everything else that had went down in the last 24 hours – hell, 5 weeks even – sucked every last bit of life out of her all at once it seemed. An overwhelming exhaustion clawed its way into her mind and body, pulling at her consciousness with abandon and destroying every chance at mulling over anything anymore. Still in her clothes and makeup, she gladly passed out.

 

When she came down the stairs around noon, Lou immediately noticed the steaming mug of coffee sitting on the kitchen counter. A small smile found its way to her lips. Whenever they had had a fight in the past and Debbie had come to the conclusion she was in the wrong (or it just wasn’t worth fighting over any longer) over night, she had simply made and left some coffee for her as a peace offering, always at exactly the right time so it had had the perfect drinking temperature. Up to this day, Lou still hadn’t been able to figure out how she did it.

What was different now to back then was the clear absence of Debbie. One of her coats was missing from the rack at the door and the shoes she had kicked off haphazardly in the early hours when they had returned from the club were nowhere to be seen either. Well, she had to turn up again some time

Pleased with the coffee’s temperature – seriously, how did she do that? – she hummed into the mug and went to the kitchenette to fix herself something resembling breakfast. And then she waited.

With all the hustling and bustling of the last three weeks, the quietness of the warehouse felt weird to her. While there had been moments she had wanted to throw them all out, except Debbie of course, she now missed having them around to distract her from the upcoming conversation she clearly had to have with the Ocean as soon as possible.

She was cautiously optimistic about the outcome after finding the coffee, she had to admit. The abrupt end to their kiss probably just stemmed from the suddenness of it and Debbie’s inability to deal with unplanned events.

She was nursing her third coffee when there was a rustling at the door.

“We have a problem”, Debbie rushed into the living area without any preamble.

Calmly, Lou put the now empty mug down and steeled herself for whatever may come next. “Hey to you too, did you sleep well?”

The brunette rolled her eyes and set her handbag down on the table. “The few hours I got, yeah. The rest I spent going through everything again and I think we need to take care of something or rather someone before we can proceed.”

Okay, this was the moment she had to interject if she didn’t want to listen to Debbie going off on a tangent for the unforeseeable future. This was way out of her comfort zone, but she’d always preferred a terrible end to unending terror.

“Speaking of the last nine hours of our lives, I think there’s something we need to talk about.”

Debbie blinked confusedly. “What do you mean?”

The question didn’t surprise Lou at the least, this was peak Debbie Ocean behavior, deflecting until it got swept under the rug. “I mean the part where you decided personal space is an unnecessary luxury and kissed me.”

With a sigh, the brunette took the chair next to Lou, trying to mask her insecurity by unwaveringly meeting her eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’d gotten into me last night.”

“Well, it certainly wasn’t me since you slammed the door in my face” Lou deadpanned with a quirk of her eyebrow, “Don’t give me the the-alcohol-made-me-do-it-excuse cos I won’t buy it. I’ve seen you being way more off your face often enough to know that you were far away from that level.”

A slight blush crept up Debbie’s cheeks at her first remark. “Yeah, well, that’s true. I don’t know, really, my best guess is on all the adrenaline and happiness and…”

The Australian propped her left leg up on the table. “So you’re saying that– oh don’t give me that look, it’s my house I can put my feet wherever I want – it was just a kiss and there is nothing more to it?”

She was surprised herself at the confidence she was exuding because she really felt anything but. Years and years of practice and willing any kind of feeling away seemed to have its perks after all, she figured. It still didn’t save her from the pang she felt deep in her chest at Debbie’s reply.

“Yes, exactly that.”

“No feelings whatsoever?”

The Ocean hesitated for a split second, just short enough that anyone else who wasn’t Lou wouldn’t have noticed. “Nope.”

However, she did notice. She wanted nothing more to press further, to ask time and time again, but she knew she was already pushing her luck by the way Debbie’s body language was subtly becoming more defensive by the minute. Also, she wasn’t in the mood to put herself out there even more.

She wanted to hold eye contact, but in the end her eyes flitted to the side as she made her final remark. “’Kay, then back to business as usual.”

The tension bleeding out of Debbie was almost palpable. “Great. Now that that’s settled… I think we need to get Daphne Kluger on board.”

___

 

Lou didn’t need to look at Debbie standing  _oh so close_ beside her so know that she was positively glowing from the inside out and reveling in the joy and admiration of the other women same as she was. Debbie had already told her her cut two days ago when the last piece of the Toussaint had been sold, but she still wasn’t able to completely wrap her mind around it. Thirty-eight point three million dollars. This was beyond her wildest imaginations.

It also helped distracting her from the dull ache she still felt whenever she looked at the brunette. Of course she had to accept her stance on their shared kiss but that didn’t mean she had to like it. Now, seeing the spark lighting up her brown eyes, left her with nothing but the desire to kiss her again right on the spot, audience be damned.

“This calls for a celebration pizza!” Constance yelled suddenly, her beer raised high into the air.

A collective groan was the immediate response. “We had pizza yesterday already!”

The young woman wasn't the least bit deterred. “ _But_ that was just a regular one. I'm talkin' 'bout the good shit, cheesy crust an' all.”

“I'd be worried about your eating habits, but I actually don't need another child”, Tammy sighed.

Before Constance could reply to that, Nine Ball butted in laughing. “Yeah I'd be hella careful 'bout watcha say 'n front of her, or you'll be added to the parent-roster indefinetly.”

“What's the parent-roster?” Daphne piped up from the back, glass empty and gum back In place, her question resulting in a low 'and here we go' from Tammy.

On command, Constance jumped off the counter and started gesticulating widely in front of the actress. “Okay, so, I mean, you haven't been around during all the planning stuff, but lemme tell you, boss lady and Lou are soooo Mom and Dad – or rather daddy if you know what I mean – of this whole group, and Tammy's Mom 2 by extension cos,  _duh_ .”

“So we're finally settling on these labels then? Thank God at least this discussion's over now.”

Debbie and Lou had followed the conversation with growing confusion and shock, albeit the latter seemed to take it a lot more in stride. The Ocean didn't know what riled her up more about the whole thing, the topic or the proud smile that pulled at Lou's lips when Constance called her 'daddy'.

“What?!”, the room when quiet again at Debbie's outburst, “Seems like you girls had too much free time; I'll remember that for the next heist.”

Now literally everyone groaned, with Tammy giving her a stern look. “Jesus, Deb, can't you just let it be for a while?”

“She's right! I'm not doing another one, my nervous system isn't even close to being recovered from this whole ordeal”, Rose commented from the side having already paled a bit at the mere thought of another con, “as the only not professional criminal here I deserve a free pass!”

“Um, hello?” came Daphne's indignant response “Stealing hearts isn't a crime!”

When there was no reaction from the group, Rose patted her on the knee. “Darling, that was a bad one.” The other women just nodded solemnly.

Debbie clapped her hands twice. “Okay, before this turns into a groaning and pouting fest, let's move this to a more comfortable place. Constance, order your pizza. Everyone else order what they want, just make sure that everything arrives at the same time. We're having dinner together.”

Constance's cheer was drowned out by a chorus of 'Yes, Mom!'s as they filed collectively out of the kitchen area. Lou rolled her eyes fondly and stayed behind. She rummaged through the cabinets and poured herself one of the good whiskeys she kept stored away from the prying eyes and thirsty throats of the girls.

“Can I talk to you outside for a sec?”

Lou didn't take her eyes off from the tumbler, she was dead set on filling it with just the right amount. “Can't a girl enjoy a drink first?”

If she had looked up, she would've seen the dangerous glint in Debbie's eyes. “Come on.”

Rolling her eyes, she followed the brunette out of the backdoor. “What is it that can't wait unt–“

Before she even realised it, her back had connected with the brick wall and Debbie's hand was in her hair, pulling their lips together in a fiery kiss.

“Deb–“ her objection turned into a low moan when Debbie’s lips moved down the side of her throat with small nips and licks, her hands tugging at her shirt and finding their way under it at the same time.

She mustered up every last bit of determination she could find and turned them around, effectively pressing Debbie against the wall with her body weight and pinning her wrists to the bricks, never breaking contact. She actually slid her thigh between the brunette's without thinking, eliciting a deep groan against her lips.

Panting heavily, she pulled her face far enough away to look the Ocean in the eyes. “Debbie, what are you– we, what are we doing?”

Pupils blown wide, almost swallowing her brown irises, Debbie looked at her almost as confused as Lou felt. “I–, I don–“ she closed her eyes briefly, all tension leaving her body in the process. She let out a groan filled with frustration. “Fuck!”

Before the Australian could react, Debbie had wiggled free off Lou's hands on her wrists and was almost running off towards the backdoor.

“Debbie, stop! Right now!” Lou shouted after her, she was not having her running away _again_.

Against all expectations, the brunette indeed stopped. She turned around, eyes glassy, and her whispered reply punched a hole into Lou's heart all over again. “Lou, just... don't.” And off she was.

Lou's head met the bricks were Debbie's head had been just seconds ago with a thud. “For fuck's sake.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will put the song down in the next part since it's way more fitting there.
> 
> So instead.... tell me what you think! <3


	11. Here I am, make a decision - Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the situation hadn’t been as nerve-wracking as it was, she would’ve laughed at the look of distaste Debbie shot her clearly projecting ‘I hate how well you know me’ out into the world. Instead of saying anything, the brunette just took a few steps back and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Here I am, make a decision - Part II" or "Into the Angst Abyss - Part II" or "They are a disaster and I strangle them mentally on a regular basis, Part II"
> 
> What a greater way to start a Sunday than with a big dash of good ol' angst, right?
> 
> Some people are too stubborn for their own good, that's all I'm saying to this part....
> 
> Next Update will be on Monday the 18th, cos I'll be spending the 16th/17th with my future wife at a Hayley Kiyoko concert <3

“Spill it.” Tammy was done asking and being nice. She might have vowed to herself to not get too involved in the incompetence of her friends when it came to their feelings for each other a long long time ago, but this was the last straw.

Lou didn't even look up from where she was lounging on her bed flipping through a motorbike magazine. “There's nothing to spill.”

The younger woman snagged the booklet out of her hands, rolled it up, and smacked it soundly on her thigh. “Wrong answer, try again.”

“Oi!” Lou yelped and rubbed her throbbing leg, “if you treat your kids like this I will call child support!”

“Don't be stupid, my kids know how to make up after a fight.”

The Australian busied herself with switching between looking at her nails and fidgeting with her rings, stubbornly looking anywhere but at the other woman. “Dunno what you're talking about.”

With a sigh born of irritation and empathy Tammy went to close the door and then sit down next to Lou on the mattress. And she just watched her without saying a single word, observed how Lou started biting on her lower lip, how her left leg began twitching and her inner turmoil threatened to boil over. Motherhood had made her only better at waiting people out until they cracked.

“Lou.”

And that did it. Like an explosion the older woman leaped off her bed and started pacing around the room, knocking over random things and clenching and unclenching her fists. “She kissed me, okay? Not once, but twice! The first time she slammed her door in my face, we then later talked about the whole thing, which ended with her telling me it didn't mean anything and we should forget about it, and then she kissed me again! And now she's barely talking to me at all! I swear to you, as soon as everything with the money is in the bag I'm the fuck outta here for a while”, the Australian paused to take a deep breath and eyed Tammy suspiciously, “Why don't you look the least bit surprised?”

“Probably cos I'm not?”

The Australian let her arms fall back to her sides with a thud. “But why? You heard her same as me that day when you were sitting at the beach having your lil chit-chat.”

Tammy sat back up abruptly with wide eyes. “You heard us talking? How much did you hear?”

Lou slumped down on the bed with a defeated look. “Enough to know that she's not feeling the same way, and that's why I don't get why she kissed me when she said she'd try to ignore my fee –“

Tammy silenced her by pressing her hand to her mouth. “Stop. Right there.”

The Australian warily looked at the hand so close to her face and then back to her friend. “Wh–“

“Shh! Stop it, I said!” only when she was absolutely sure Lou would remain silent she took her hand back “I have the God awful feeling you listened in at exactly the wrong moment. Debbie loves you same as you love her, she was talking about trying to ignore her own damn feelings like the nutjob she is because she A is probably as blind to your feelings for her as you have been the last fifteen plus years and B she’s afraid to lose you by adding a romantic element to your relationship.”

A whole whirlwind of emotions passed through Lou's eyes and Tammy didn't envy her a single bit for all the chaos that had to rage on inside of her now. Just by the obvious hurt in her expression, she knew what the Australian was about to say before she even opened her mouth.

“But why on Earth would she think I would leave her when I've just taken her back in after the Becker fiasco?”

“Didn't you just tell me you wanna leave?”

“Because she's acting like a dick and can't make up her mind, that's different!”

Tammy could do nothing but shrug at that. “Chances are she's still blaming herself for me leaving our little team.”

Lou furrowed her brows. “Why should she? Did I miss something? You didn't leave because of something she did, did you?”

“Of course not, but she never really forgave herself for hurting me when she broke up with me because of you. And I'm not gonna lie, it hurt like a bitch even though I had seen it coming from ten miles away, but it didn't keep me from sticking around. Someone had to keep an eye on you reckless idiots after all.”

“Wait, _what_?”

“What what?”

“You said she broke up with you because of me?”

Tammy just laughed at the utterly dumbstruck look on Lou's face before she scrunched up her face. “Do you finally see what I had to put up with for twenty plus years now? I had to watch Debbie pine after you for years and you in return slowly falling for her without any of you actually realising it – it was worse than any rom-com known to mankind! And when I thought finally, finally you're getting somewhere, Debbie freaks and gets herself thrown into prison. And you –“, she poked her finger at Lou's sternum and got louder by the second, “God, don't get me started! I love you like a sister, but you are such a dense motherfucker! How can anyone be so out of touch with their own emotions! I've wasted years of my life to make you see, and now what? Here you two are, kissing and still screwing everything up. You two need to get your heads outta your asses and resolve this shit so I can finally – finally! – get a break from your bullshit!”

Lou looked at Tammy, her eyes comically wide, not daring to even breathe a word. The younger woman was surprised herself over her outburst, but nevertheless regarded her friend's speechlessness with great satisfaction. She took another deep breath and let her body fall back against the mattress.

“Phew, this rant had a long time coming.”

“... you think?”

Lou flinched immediately at the death glare Tammy shot her. “You don't get to sass me, Miller, not until this insanity is over, you hear me?”

She might have been older than the woman in front of her, but this very moment Lou felt like a child receiving a well-deserved scolding. “Yes, ma'am.”

“Good. So now that we're on the same page I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Debbie on the beach – and I really hope you know better than her by now – do something about this. I want to tell my future grandchildren about this epic love story I helped to create.”

For the first time in days, Lou laughed in earnest as she buried her face in her hands. “You're such a helpless sap, Tim-Tam, it's disgusting.”

“Fuck off, it's my way of coping with the two biggest idiots on this planet”, the younger woman joined in.

After their laughter had subsided to occasional giggling and that subsequently to silence, Lou found Tammy's hand between them on the mattress and gave it a tight squeeze. “Thank you, for everything. I mean it.”

“You better do”, Tammy squeezed right back, “or I'll kick your skinny ass.”

Lou pretended to look scared. “Okay, now that my amazing backside is at stake, I better not fuck this up, huh?”

Maybe this was starting to become her signature move, Tammy thought to herself, as she got up and patted Lou on the shoulder as she made her way to the door. “I'll leave you to it, then.”

“Tam”, she was stopped again before she could close the door after herself, “Thanks.”

“Save it for your wedding vows.”

__

 

When Lou had finally mustered up all her courage a day later, she found Debbie in the bath-slash-planning-room on the main floor. She placed herself strategically right in the doorway just in case the Ocean decided to flee from her like she had done constantly within the last days.

“Hey.”

Instantly, Debbie's shoulders tensed up as she turned around. “Hey. I'm sorry, I have to take care of something.”

As anticipated, she made a move for the door, but Lou stopped her by blocking the remaining free space of the doorway with her outstretched arm. “No, you don't. The only thing on your schedule is the group meeting in two hours and I know you've already prepared everything.”

If the situation hadn’t been as nerve-wracking as it was, she would’ve laughed at the look of distaste Debbie shot her clearly projecting  _‘I hate how well you know me’_ out into the world. Instead of saying anything, the brunette just took a few steps back and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Lou sighed. She could play this many ways, but beating herself up over the whole thing for days and days had only made one thing very clear for her: she needed to move on and to heal, she only had to check in with Debbie if she was with or without her on this. So she cut right to the chase.

“Why are you so afraid of your feelings for me?”

Debbie narrowed her eyes. “What feelings? I told you there was nothing to that kiss.”

The Australian huffed half in amusement half in annoyance. She had expected that reply. “You said that to the first one. What about the one where you pushed me against the wall outside and were short of putting your hand inside my pants?”

She was met with silence. Sure, Debbie made an attempt at a rebuttal, but the way Lou raised her eyebrows at her, daring her to tell anything but the truth, had her close her mouth real quick, frustration evident in her features.

However, Lou was feeling far from triumphant. “See? Just admit that you have feelings for me and we can move on from here. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one in this room who is utterly exhausted by this back and forth.”

“I don't have feelings for you” the Ocean persisted, never breaking eye contact.

Well, two could play this game. “You do.”

“I don't.”

“Do too.” Lou huffed. She felt like she was dealing with a particularly petulant child.

“You're right”, Debbie offered finally, igniting all sorts of bonfires inside the blonde, “I have a lot of annoyance for you right now!”

Lou's last bit of patience snapped. “Oh fuck off!”

“No, you fuck off with this!” Debbie pushed right back. “Why can't you just let it go? Why are you so determined to make this more than it is?” Both women were getting louder and louder with each word passing between them.

“Cos I know for a fact that it's more than that!”

The fire roaring in Debbie's eyes reminded her of their fights back when Becker started to become an issue. It burned blue and was determined to set everything in its path ablaze. “You don't know anything and I'm sick of you bringing this up again and again!”

Lou gritted her teeth, her nails leaving small crescents in her palms. “Suit yourself, I'm done with this shit.” Before she was completely out of the room, she turned around again, her stormy eyes piercing a hole through Debbie. “In all these years I've never taken you for a coward.”

She rushed over the main floor and bolted up the stairs as fast as she could. She had had enough, feelings be damned.

In the meantime, Tammy had arrived and had made herself comfortable on the couch with one of the Australian's fashion magazines. Lou caught her eye in passing and knew from one look that she had heard enough of their little shouting match, even if she was trying very well to not let anything on.

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

__

 

Debbie looked at her wristwatch, up the stairs to the first floor, then back at the time. She was still reeling from her last conversation – or rather fight – with Lou and thus in no mood for the meeting she had announced two days ago, but now everyone was here and she could not cancel it anymore. Everyone sans Lou, who had stormed off to her room and hadn’t emerged again for hours.

She had an awful feeling deep in her stomach that maybe this time she had pushed Lou too far, that maybe she had fucked up despite trying everything to prevent exactly that. With a sigh, she walked back to the stage and sat down on the edge.

“Alright ladies, let’s talk about how and when how much money will go where and how to keep a low profile with it.”

“What about Dad?” Constance piped up from where she was lying sprawled out on the carpet.

“My God, will you ever stop with that?”, noticing that the young woman didn’t even pretend to be sorry, she went on with a sigh, “She’ll probably be down in a second, but she doesn’t need to listen to the first part anyway.”

The six women shared doubting glances among each other as they had never started anything without the Australian being present, but somehow Debbie gave off a murderous vibe of not tolerating any objections or comments today and so they collectively decided to just take it at face-value. Still, as the meeting went on and finally came to a close without Lou ever showing her face, everyone including Debbie was slightly on edge.

She was just thinking about having a serious talk with her about the attendance at team meetings, when Lou came stomping down the stairs, all clad in her biking getup and an almost bursting backpack slung over her shoulder.

“I'm leaving.”

“What?!” Debbie's incredulous outburst caused the whole team to look up from whatever each of them was doing. Only Tammy, who was leaning over Nine Ball's shoulder to look at her laptop screen, didn't seem all that surprised.

Feeling additional six sets of eyes on her didn't deter Lou a single bit, however, and she just fixed Debbie with a stare devoid of all emotion, only the red around her eyes betraying her feelings. “You heard me.”

“Yeah, but... when, where to, for how long, and most importantly: why?”

Instead of answering, she turned to Tammy and Nine Ball. “You don't need me around anymore for the finance stuff, right?”

Nine Ball opened her mouth to object, but Tammy put her hand on the hacker's shoulder signaling her to keep out of this for a second.

“Yeah, we're good, don't worry”, the blonde replied in the younger woman's stead not giving anything away at how she felt about the scene in front of her, only silently replying to Lou's look of gratitude with a barely noticeable quirk of her lips.

Debbie followed the exchange between her two oldest partners – and friends, dammit – disbelievingly, and tried desperately to find her speech again when Lou grabbed her helmet off the poker table in one smooth movement on her way to the door.

Debbie put herself between Lou and the door fast enough to almost make the Australian stumble into her, their faces only inches apart. “Stop”, she raised her hands to push her back, but let them fall again at the stormy and angry blue in Lou’s eyes, “this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”

“Then how is it supposed to be, huh?”, Lou hissed, “What do you want, Deborah? Cos apparently it ain’t me – or wait – is it after all? I sure as hell don’t know cos you’re unable to decide between jumping me and pushing me away! I want you, Debbie, I fucking do love you, but I won’t be putting myself through this any longer. Stay here for as long as you want, but I’m outta here for now.”

She paused for a moment to give the Ocean the opportunity to interject, hoping she’d throw herself in her way to keep her from leaving, but Debbie just stood frozen in place, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. All Lou could do was scoff.

“That’s what I thought.”

In one swift movement, she pushed herself past her and through the door, closing it silently behind herself and deafening Debbie in the process with the lingering silence even more than any slamming could have done.

Only when the roaring of the bike had faded completely, Debbie found it in her again to move. She felt the prickling of upcoming tears behind her eyelids, but willed them away knowing fully well that six pairs of eyes were on her. This was not the time or place right now, so she scheduled her emotional breakdown for later – when everyone would be gone and she could scream and cry all she wanted.

Taking a deep breath and straightening her posture, she turned around to face the other women again, daring them to whisper a single word about what had just transpired by just a look. “Okay, where were we?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, tell me, how much do you hate them and/or me right now?
> 
> Song: Gib mir einen Grund zu bleiben (give me a reason to stay) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39aBh_Pq6Lg
> 
> I'm walking, I'm running, and I'm sure as hell won't stop  
> My heartbeat takes a run-up, there's no return from here  
> No sleep, no break, I won't close my eyes anymore  
> I have to get to you, I have to be fast and this in the speed of light
> 
> And now I'm here, give my a reason to stay - with you  
> please don't say 'maybe'  
> cos now I'm here and I have a reason to stay - with you  
> 'maybe' just won't cut it
> 
> Maybe I'm living, maybe I'm loving, maybe we'll both be dead tomorrow  
> Here I am, make a decision, and I will break down all your walls  
> I'm at the beginning, at the end, but I have a lot of staying power  
> For how long will you let me wait.. if not now, then when
> 
> And now I'm here, give my a reason to stay with you  
> please don't say 'maybe'  
> cos now I'm here and I have a reason to stay with you  
> 'maybe' just won't cut it


	12. You have to follow [your path], but please not too far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After strolling through all rooms for what felt like the umpteenth time, she was ready to fall down onto her bed again and pretend the world outside didn’t exist. She pressed her hand to the wooden door of her room, but paused right in the middle of opening it. Like a whisper, something drew her attention to the one thing she had ignored all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently on the train back home from two Hayley Kiyoko concerts (I HUGGED HER! SHE'S SO SWEET OMG! And I held hands with my crush during 'Sleepover', as you do.) and tomorrow before the ass-crack of dawn I'll be on my way to see Cate's play in London (I'll die. This might be the last thing you hear from me.), so this is probs the best time to update :D
> 
> Also, the update schedule has changed a bit, since the next chapter will be split yet again since the words just keep pouring out:  
> Chapter 12 Part 1: 28/2  
> Chapter 12 Part 2: 10/3  
> Chapter 13: 24/3  
> Chapter 14 (the final one): 7/4

11\. That you stay (4)

Debbie stared at the wall in front of her. She had sent everyone home a while ago – minutes or hours, it didn’t matter – and had found the way to her room as if in trance. She didn’t remember how she had snapped at Tammy as she had offered her help and asked her if she needed her, or how she had gotten up the stairs, or how she had closed the door behind her without a single sound. She only remembered the intense pain deep inside her chest through it all, the pain that was clawing ruthlessly at her insides since Lou had driven off.

She sank down onto the mattress, gazing blankly into space. When she finally found it in her to snap out of it, she blinked confusedly at the darkness surrounding her. The last rays of sunlight had long disappeared behind the horizon and only the far away city lights were now trying to make an effort at illuminating the room with their eerie glow.

The old alarm clock on her bedside table ticked away relentlessly, reminding her without a care for the world that she hadn’t moved in almost two hours. With a groan, she tried to shake the stiffness from her bones as she set out to make her way to the kitchen for food. But no matter what she found in the fridge and the cupboards, nothing sparked any appetite in her. It felt like she was already full with emptiness, as ironic as it seemed.

Her next try at filling the void led her to the tv. However, zapping through the channels resulted in nothing but frustration, not a single thing on there being able to catch her attention for more than two minutes before she felt the cold emptiness creeping up on her again. She didn’t even bother trying to find sleep, already knowing it’d prove to be futile.

Like a ghost haunting its home, Debbie wandered aimlessly through the loft. There was nothing to do, no plan to perfect, no jobs to delegate, no one to yell at for being careless with the props. She wanted to come up with a new con so badly, wanted, no, needed, to keep her mind occupied – this was what she was best at after all – but there was nothing. Everything just felt so bleak and empty – the loft, her mind, her insides; the only constant companion being the suffocating pressure on her chest.

After strolling through all rooms for what felt like the umpteenth time, she was ready to fall down onto her bed again and pretend the world outside didn’t exist. She pressed her hand to the wooden door of her room, but paused right in the middle of opening it. Like a whisper, something drew her attention to the one thing she had ignored all this time.

The door to Lou’s bedroom was like an ominous presence in the corner of her eye. She hadn’t dared opening it, too scared of what she’d find behind it, but now it felt like a part of herself was reaching and yearning for anything that could bring her closer to Lou again.

Tentatively, she closed her fingers around the handle and slowly turned it, expecting it to be locked. Her heart skipped two beats as the lock yielded instead and the door cracked open. Already, Lou’s scent filtered through the small gap, Debbie's insides constricting painfully at the familiarity of it.

She wasn’t sure about what to do next. One part of her wanted to push the door open completely, the other wanted to turn around and run, afraid of the feelings she sensed bubbling under the surface coming to light. In the end, the longing outweighed everything else and she entered.

The room was a mess. While Lou wasn’t the tidiest person to begin with, usually everything had its designated place. Now, in the dim morning light that was fighting its way through the half-closed blinds, she could see clothes lying around haphazardly, knocked over books, and sheets thrown off the bed. The turmoil Lou must’ve been feeling when she had packed her bag was still palpable.

Swallowing painfully, Debbie collected the bedding from the floor and went to make the bed to distract herself from all the chaos around and inside her. Next thing, she picked up the clothes and put them back into the wardrobe one by one, knowing how much the blonde hated unnecessary wrinkles. She stopped at the item of clothing she found thrown over the top of the dresser.

The grey fabric was soft in her hands, Lou’s scent coming off it in strong waves. As it turned out, it was the oversized shirt Lou had worn to sleep in the nights leading up to the heist. Tears started to prick at the corner of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She wouldn’t cry, no.

Remembering how it had felt on her skin as she had placed her head on Lou’s shoulder in a rare moment of quietness, she quickly shed her own shirt and pulled the other over her head instead. She was sure that if she just concentrated hard enough, she could feel the blonde’s body heat engulfing her. On her way to turn around and fling herself onto the now made bed, something caught her eye in the change of light.

Debbie felt like every last bit of air had been sucked from her lungs. There, where the shirt had been seconds before, a golden necklace was lying on the polished hardwood surface. She didn’t need to get closer or even pick it up to know right away that it was the very necklace she had given Lou ages ago, but she did it anyway. The weight she felt in her hands was far more than just the necklace itself; it was the implications of what its presence in the loft meant that almost made her drop it as if she'd been burnt.

Clutching it tightly in her hand, the pain of the links digging into her skin distracting her for a short moment from the anguish in her heart, she all but stumbled backwards until she lost balance and sat down heavily on the bed.

Memories flooded her mind without permission. The look in Lou’s eyes when she had put the necklace on for the first time. The feeling of lying in her arms and fighting back tears when Tammy had decided to make a life for herself. Falling asleep next to each other thousands of times. The unguarded expression in the blonde’s eyes right after waking up. Lou’s worried then stormy blues when Becker had entered the picture. Her slouched figure in the back of the courtroom. And through all of this, the golden gleam of the only necklace the Australian had refused to take off for longer than a few hours for a con. And never would Debbie forget the spark of smug possessiveness she felt while sitting in Lou’s car just weeks back and noticing the familiar shade of gold around her neck.

The tears hitting her balled fists pulled her out of her thoughts. She wiped at them but it was to no avail, more and more kept following until she just gave up and fell back completely onto the mattress. Immediately after she had buried her face in the first pillow she could get her hands on and had inhaled Lou’s scent, sobs started wrecking through her body.

She tried to fight them, still, while the past weeks kept replaying over and over in her head, the images fuelling the burning in her throat and eyes, breaking all dams and walls she had so carefully erected what felt like a lifetime ago.

And so she cried until exhaustion pulled her into a dreamless and restless sleep.

~~

Days passed and blended together into one continuous string of hurting, anger, destruction and trying to repairing the damage, ignoring Tammy’s calls, lying awake in Lou’s bed, and starting it all over again. And through it all, her phone was a constant companion, clinging to it like a life line, never leaving it out of her sight for too long. She didn’t want to miss it when Lou would call or text –  _if_ she would call or text. But every vibration and sound had turned out to be a disappointment so far. Not to mention the countless phantom vibrations that made her jump every single time despite the phone doing absolutely nothing.

She was just about to nod off from the sheer exhaustion of ordering in yet again, when her whole body was shaken by the phone, lying on her chest, going off. Acting completely on instinct, she fumbled for the small device and accepted the call without looking for the caller ID.

“Lou?” she almost shouted into the phone.

“Debs, thank God you’re still alive! How are you doing?” Tammy. The Ocean groaned inwardly. She really needed to look into that whole customised ringtone thing.

“Peachy.”

“Ugh, I’m already getting war flashbacks to when you were in prison.”

“Huh?” Debbie knew she’d gotten somewhat slow in her misery and state of mental underload, but this comment completely went over her head.

A low chuckle resounded from the other end. “Never mind. You haven’t spoken two full sentences since Lou left, am I right?”

Debbie flinched at the mention of her name, not having dared to utter it into the silence of the loft for almost a week now, keeping it safely wrapped up in the forefront of her mind so no one and nothing could take it away from her.

“I think” she coughed slightly to dislodge the lump in her throat “saying 'thank you' to the delivery guy should count as a sentence. There’s a full stop and all.”

She didn’t need to see it to know exactly which one of her  _I’m-massively-unimpressed-with-you_ faces Tammy was making. “Let me guess. You haven’t left the loft, you’ve lived off food delivery, have done nothing but lying around, maybe watching tv shows, have barely slept, have showered once – tops! –, and are generally wallowing in your own misery. I’m not sure on how much alcohol is involved, tho.”

Debbie looked down to where she had started toying with the hem of the oversized T-shirt she’d been wearing for days now. Lou’s shirt. She brought the collar up to her nose and inhaled. There was nothing left of Lou’s scent, and she scrunched up her nose at the other smell that infiltrated her nostrils instead. She should definitely work up the motivation to shower and wash her hair today.

“Debbie, you still there?”

With a sigh, the Ocean let go of the fabric in her hands. “Yeah… why are you so spot on with your guess? That’s just creepy.”

Tammy muttered something under her breath Debbie didn’t get, before she replied calmly. “Because I have seen this happening before – with Lou, when you were in prison. But I think there was a lot more alcohol involved back then, among other things. So, I’m proud of you for still having a slightly better impulse control than her, good for you.”

“Thanks, but that doesn’t make me feel better, like, at all.” In fact, it was making her even more miserable, if this was even possible. She bit her lower lip and pressed her eyes shut tightly. 

The younger woman exhaled loudly. “That’s probably cos it  _wasn’t_ supposed to make you feel better. What I’m trying to do is to make you see how hopeless you two are without each other. I mean, you’re a handful and a nuisance to society when you’re together, but separated like that both of you are just utter disasters. Just get over yourself and contact her already.”

Debbie rubbed her temple with her free hand. “How do you kn–, y’know, never mind, I… I wanted to text, maybe even call her, I really did, but–“

“But?” Tammy prompted as the silence spread for too long.

Shaking her head, Debbie replayed in her head all the times she had started typing away on her phone just to delete it seconds later. All the  _I’m sorry_ ’s, the  _please come back_ ’s, the  _I miss you_ ’s, and the one  _I love you_ . “What if she doesn’t want to talk to me and ignores me?”

Tammy huffed. “Doesn’t matter” before Debbie could voice her protest, she continued “it doesn’t matter if she decides to ignore it, cos in the end she has to acknowledge that you tried to contact her.”

The brunette mulled over this for a long moment. “Motherhood has made you wise, Tam-Tam.”

A loud snort sounded through the phone. “Believe it or not, I’ve always been wise, you just needed to mature enough to actually appreciate it.”

If she was being honest with herself, Debbie had to agree with her on that, she probably should have listened to her a few more times in her life, as well.

Gathering all her strength – she was about to say something she hadn’t even fully admitted to herself yet – she clutched the phone tighter, whispering “I’m afraid, Tammy. I’m so afraid I’ve fucked it up for good this time and she’ll never talk to me ever again.”

“Debbie”, Tammy sighed after two seconds of silence, “I don’t think there is a parallel universe out there in which you two aren’t head over heels for each other, but it really is up to you now. Lou put herself out there for everyone to see and told you how she feels about you, now it’s your turn.”

“What, do I need to make a whole public event out of it, march a parade to her and hold up signs? You really think she’d appreciate that?”

She could hear Tammy rolling her eyes. “Now you’re being deliberately dense, Deborah. But for argument’s sake, what do you want to put on the signs, hm?”

Debbie’s mouth snapped shut audibly. While the younger woman was patiently waiting her out, she tried multiple times to string together words to form useful sentences, but failed every time. Finally, Tammy decided she had tortured the Ocean long enough and put her out of her misery.

“See what I mean? Debbie, you’re a terrifyingly brilliant woman, now put that genius brain of yours to use and sit yourself down to figure out what you actually want from Lou, and why. Don’t contact her before, otherwise you’ll never break this vicious cycle you’ve landed yourselves in.” Hearing nothing but silence from the other end, the blonde added fondly, “now just tell me I’m right so I can head out and pick up my kids.”

The silence continued and Tammy was just about to wonder if Debbie had ended the call, when she heard the brunette sniffling and coughing briefly before she replied hoarsely. “You’re right. Thank you, Tam. I honestly have no idea what I’d do without you sometimes.”

Debbie couldn’t see it, but a broad smile was gracing her friend’s lips. “Yeah, yeah, save the rest for your wedding vows”, realising what she’d just said, Tammy added with a chuckle “why do I always have to repeat myself?”

Before Debbie could ask what this was supposed to mean now, the click in the line told her Tammy had already hung up on her.

~~

Come the next day, Debbie had already formed a plan, the list lying proudly in front of her. She got the necklace from Lou's room, looped it around her wrist as a constant reminder, and set to work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, every comment is <3
> 
> Song: ...that you stay (...dass du bleibst; song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIimRi_b-VY )
> 
> Just a few words on white paper,  
> have you written them, are they really from you  
> I see you laughing, it suits you so well  
> up one minute, down the next
> 
> stay here, stay  
> Even if your path shows to a different direction  
> you have to follow it, but please not too far  
> and I don't want to lose you just like you are  
> you're important here, don't forget  
> It's only important that you stay
> 
> just a few hours change the world  
> and that you're still here is everything that matters  
> you don't have to prove anything, don't have to explain  
> whatever your heart says, it was born to live


	13. Every oath gets broken someday, Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn’t feel right.
> 
> [...]
> 
> Debbie blinked twice, her brain struggling to catch up with what had just transpired, before she carefully placed the mobile face down on the wooden surface again.
> 
> Now it was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this from east of nowhere, Bavaria, in the wee hours of the morning from my hotel room before checking out. I was on a business trip and had like zero alone time, I couldn't take care of tumblr, I could barely write, I have a 15 minute long voice message waiting for my reply... yeah.
> 
> Anyway, here is Part I of Chapter 12 as promised... we're close to the end, my dears (I still can't believe it myself)
> 
> Update schedule (until further notice):  
> Chapter 12 Part 2: 10/3  
> Chapter 13: 24/3  
> Chapter 14 (the final one): 7/4

In the end, Debbie had to admit that calling it a plan might have been a bit overambitious, when all she actually did was getting her shit back together.

Her first impulse had been to jump straight into the whole soul-searching process so she could text Lou as soon as possible, but realising that no coherent thought could come from the mess that was her current life, she had decided to take care of that first.

It hadn't been easy and definitely not as fast as she had hoped it would go – thanks to the mess and trail of destruction she had left in her stupor –, still, two weeks later not only the loft had looked like an actual home, but she had felt like a real person again.  Being satisfied with her work, she had begun the next step with sitting herself down with a glass of red wine one night and just staring into the fake flames on the TV screen.

Of course, it hadn’t taken long for her to come to a conclusion, but her goal had been to think it all through from the very beginning to her last phone call with Tammy. She had analysed every situation that had come to her mind, every word and action of hers and of Lou – hell, she even had written down some notes at one point or the other.

In the end, she had poured another two days over what she wanted to write, had jotted the words down on paper, crossed out sentences, started all over again with ink stained fingers until she had been satisfied with the result. She had known as well as the next person that it had been way too many words for a text message, but she had started typing anyway (after calming her nerves with a big box of lo mein, two glasses of chardonnay, and countless breathing exercises she had found on the internet).

Now, Debbie was staring at the illuminated screen in her hand, looking the text up and down and checking for any kind of accidental mistake. Finding none, she put the phone down on the table and leaned back in her chair with a shaky sigh, letting the gravity of the situation wash over her.  The screen turned dark again. Her eyes flitted back and forth between the paper and the mobile as she began to nibble absentmindedly on her thumbnail.

It didn’t feel right.

In a swift movement, she unlocked the phone again and deleted the whole message. Faced with a blank text box, her fingers tapped one sentence and hit _sent_ without a further thought.

Debbie blinked twice, her brain struggling to catch up with what had just transpired, before she carefully placed the mobile face down on the wooden surface again.

Now it was right.

~~

She had made it a habit to visit Danny’s grave once a week. Maybe out of sentimentality, maybe out of hope he’d suddenly turn up there or he’d be somehow listening in from his hideaway, Debbie wasn’t so sure herself. For what it was worth, it were these quiet moments, her words bouncing off the white and grey marble back at her, she felt the tension set deep in her bones bleed away, if only for a while.

It had been almost two months since she had texted Lou, but apart from the short acknowledgement she’d received, she was none the wiser when the blonde would actually be back and what she was actually thinking about everything. Sometimes, she was tempted to just ask Tammy – she was pretty sure the younger woman knew – however, her remaining pride kept her from doing so. Instead, she found herself sitting on her designated bench in front of Danny’s grave and hoped no one could hear her.

“It’s been more than three months, Danny. Three. Months.”, Debbie sipped at her martini and sighed, “I’m sure she’ll come back cos she said so, and she never breaks her word, but I’m still afraid sometimes, you know? I mean, I can’t even blame her for going – God, I couldn’t even if she stayed away, no matter how much it’d hurt.”

She put the glass down and rubbed her temples, taking deep breaths to dissipate the thoughts and images that were torturing her most of her time awake.

“You’ve been a pain in the ass my whole life, but I miss you, especially now. I could really use my big brother right this time, giving me all the unwanted advice I actually need but am too proud to ask for.”

„He’d probably tell you at great length how much of an idiot you are.”

She went rigid at the familiar voice behind her. Usually it wasn’t this easy to sneak up on her, she must be losing her touch.

“Well, it takes one to know one” she huffed, then added without turning around “How did you find me?”

“I asked Nine Ball to track your phone.”

“My GPS is turned off all the – “, she pulled the mobile out of her purse to check, “how does she do that? That little shit turned it on, unbelievable.”

“Be careful what you say, I wouldn’t put it past her to be listening in as well.”

“You could’ve waited at the loft for me.”

She heard the rustling of fabric, probably a shrug. “Didn’t know if you had found a new place, so I saved myself the gas.”

Only then Debbie turned around to look at the blonde standing in the entrance of the mausoleum clad in her biking attire, backpack slung over her shoulder, hair flat from wearing the helmet for too long. A warmth she hadn’t felt for weeks spread through her at the realisation that Lou had set out to find her first thing after getting back to the city.

They regarded each other silently for a while, taking in the small differences a bit over three months could make.

“Your hair’s longer”, Debbie finally stated once she had figured out why the Australian’s features seemed slightly softer around the edges, her bangs not falling into her eyes anymore but pushed to the side.

“Yours is shorter”, Lou rebutted without missing a beat.

Absentmindedly, the brunette started to fiddle with a few strands. “Not much, but I definitely needed to get rid of my prison spliss now that I had the time.”

“Sign me up for your hairdresser, all this additional hair is unnerving me.”

“That’s a shame, the softer look it gives you actually suits you well.”

Lou turned away slightly to hide the faint blush forming on her cheeks. “You finished here or do you want to wait until he actually shows up to roll is eyes at you?”

“Rude. But yeah, I think I’m done for today.” Debbie downed the rest of the martini, collected her things and walked up to the blonde.

Silence stretched out between them, the mausoleum filled not only with the already residing ghosts, but all the ghosts of their missed chances and unspoken words as well. The Ocean swallowed hard. Her fingers twitched restlessly. She wanted to reach out, to make sure this wasn’t just her imagination playing tricks on her, to feel Lou’s solid warmth, yet she refrained at the guarded look on the blonde’s face.

Starting to walk away into the direction of the cemetery’s exit, Lou spoke up again bursting Debbie’s little bubble. “How’d you get here?”

“Cab.”

This earned her a lopsided grin. “More than thirty million to your name and you haven’t bought yourself a fancy car?”

“Well, as long as I can’t buy the New York traffic away, there is absolutely zero use in owning a car.”

“Fair point”, Lou took the helmet off her bike and handed it to Debbie, “Suit up.”

The brunette looked at it with confusion. “But…”

“What? I didn’t bring my spare one with me on the trip and I’m not having you on my back without a single bit of protection.”

“But –“, Debbie started again before Lou held her little finger right in front of her face.

“I’ll drive carefully and keep within the speed limit. Pinky promise.” Lou hadn’t forgotten their discussion about her driving they had had ages ago.

The Ocean looked sceptically from the hand in front of her to her face, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t you think this is a bit immature?”

Muttering under her breath, the blonde turned around and swung her leg over her bike. “Oh how the tables have turned!”

Debbie followed her suit, but with a million unspoken words hanging between them in the air, she didn’t know where to place her hands. By all means, she knew exactly where she wanted them to be, however for probably the first time in her life, she didn’t know what Lou was comfortable with. This situation proved to be unnerving on many levels.

In the end, she wrapped her arms loosely around the blonde’s middle, her hands grabbing her own wrists instead of anywhere on Lou’s body. Her sigh fogged up the visor, adding to her annoyance with the limbo they’d found themselves in.

Due to their position, Debbie didn’t see the small smile gracing Lou’s lips as she kicked the bike into drive. While she was as anxious about their situation – and how it might change – as Debbie, Lou was grateful for the way the brunette tried to give her space, physically and emotionally. Of course she still yearned the familiar feeling of the Ocean's body pressed up close to her own, but this was neither the time nor the place to fall back into old habits.

Before she could decide otherwise, Lou revved the engine once more. “Let's go!”

~~

“You don’t need to cook anything, you’ve basically just gotten off your bike. Don’t you think you should catch a breath first?” Debbie commented incredulously when Lou came down the stairs after a shower and for all intents and purposes declared her intention to cook dinner. “And I'm not all that hungry anyway.”

The blonde just scoffed. “Oh please, this is as relaxing as it’s going to be tonight, cos we’re definitely going to have _that_ conversation later. Plus, I’m dying to eat some actual food after three months.”

“Don’t tell me you lived off fast food when you're actually worth millions?” Debbie looked at her, utterly shocked.

A raised eyebrow. “Oh baby, I’m worth far more than that.”

Lou was just about to mentally slap herself for falling back into their banter just like that, when Debbie's soft whisper caught her off-guard. “Way more.”

Since the blonde didn't know if she'd been supposed to hear that, she decided to stay silent and rounded the corner into the kitchen area. She quickly checked if anything was amiss, when her gaze caught something glinting in the corner of her eye.

She looked at the box of empty wine bottles in the corner with a raised eyebrow. “Seems like you had fun without me.”

“What can I say, I tried to make your absence as bearable as possible. Incidentally, that included a few glasses of a good red per week”, she noticed Lou’s worried expression and added, “these bottles are literally all there is, I haven’t become an alcoholic if that’s what you’re not asking.”

“Good. No need for you to make my mistakes as well.”

Before the Australian could turn away, Debbie had grabbed her wrist and forced her to face her. “What do you mean by that? Tammy has hinted at some alcohol-related stuff as well, and I'm fed up with never hearing the end of the joke. What the hell did I miss?”

Lou sighed and gently pried her arm free from the brunette's grip, then went to check on the contents of the fridge. “You really wanna start with the hard 'n heavy stuff on an empty stomach?”

Debbie swung herself onto the counter. “I don't care about that, I just don't wanna forget half of the stuff I wanna say or ask.”

“Well, good news is, there is enough good stuff in here for me to work with. Have you tried cooking or what?”, she turned around, taking in Debbie's flustered expression, “who would've thought. And the loft's still standing, I'm impressed.” Lou took everything she needed and walked over to the counter occupied by the Ocean.

Arms full with food, she tried to playfully push her away with her shoulder. “Off, your manners are as horrible as always.”

Debbie slid off the counter with a huff, but remained close, watching Lou intently going about chopping onions. The Australian didn't need to look up, she could feel the Ocean's stare. With a sigh, she relented. “Let's just say, I didn't take it too well when you went to prison and being amazing at coping with emotional stuff as I am, I went on a bender. Kinda tried every self-destructive behaviour that didn't include hurting myself directly. I only started getting back on track when I got the phone inside for you.”

Debbie felt sick. Sure, Lou was standing alive and well in front of her, but knowing that at one point in time everything could've ended very differently, felt like a punch to the gut. Her voice, laced with pain and regret, was a mere whisper. “I didn't think it would hurt you so much. You were so mad at me – rightfully – I thought you'd be maybe a bit glad I got what I deserved.”

Finally putting down the knife, Lou glanced up with reddened (from the onions, of course) eyes. “Are you serious? Do you really think I cared that little about you back then? Cos let me tell you, as I have learnt in retrospect, I cared way more than I even knew. Still do. The way you left me hurt me to the bone and then some, of course, cos you were my best friend, the most important person in my life, and I was furious as hell, not gonna lie, but I never ever wanted something bad to happen to you. And knowing I couldn't be there to protect you ate me up from the inside. So I went to numb the pain any way I could think of.”

Silence hung heavy between them until Debbie broke free from the paralysis she had found herself in and enveloped the Australian in a fierce hug, clinging to her lean frame for dear life as much to her own reassurance as to Lou's.

The blonde stood awkwardly for a moment before she patted Debbie on the back and wriggled free. “Come on, let me finish dinner”, she said quietly, not meeting the Ocean's eyes while tending to the ingredients on the counter again.

Debbie wanted to say so much more, wanted to feel any part of Lou she could get her hand on under her palm, just to make sure that she was still there, but neither words would come nor dared she to do more than silently watch from the side lines. She felt the vulnerability coming off the blonde in waves and was shocked as to find she didn't know how to handle this new development.

Taking in the image in front of her and feeling the relief washing over her at having Lou back around, no matter the tension that was still rightfully in the air, let her drop all her guards for a second and she blurted out the first and only thing on her mind.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? What will happen next? How many pans will Lou drop?
> 
> I will post the song at the end of the next part, cos again, it's more fitting there :)


	14. Every oath gets broken someday, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Then why did you leave?” Debbie was afraid of the answer, she already knew she wouldn't like it, but she had to know.
> 
> Lou continued lazily twirling the stem of the wine glass between her fingers as she looked the Ocean dead in the eye, voice even and sure as anything. “Cos loving someone is no excuse to act like an asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My God, with every chapter we get closer to the end, it's so surreal.
> 
> There is actually not much I have to say to this part, just... I hope you like it ;)
> 
> Next (and last) updates:  
> 24/3  
> 7/4

_Taking in the image in front of her and feeling the relief washing over her at having Lou back around, no matter the tension that was still rightfully in the air, let her drop all her guards for a second and she blurted out the first and only thing on her mind._

_“I love you.”_

Lou instantly went still, the sizzling pan in front of her forgotten for a moment. Heaving a quiet sigh, she forced herself to relax her muscles again and prodded at the food with her spatula, not turning around. “I know.”

A wide array of emotions rose up the Ocean's throat, merging at last into a surprised outburst. “Did you really just han-solo me?”

“Yes, and while I appreciate that for once you’re actually trying to talk about your feelings, I really need to get some food into my stomach before I can face this whole can of worms head on. So please, grab some plates and some of the red – if there is still any – and sit your ass down at the table.”

Usually, Debbie would have felt deeply offended that her attempt at communication had been shot down right away, but the almost imperceptible glint of mirth in Lou's clear blue eyes as she shot her a look over her shoulder put her at ease.

Dinner passed by in silent anticipation, and soon enough they found each other nursing their glasses of wine, observing over the tabletop and daring the other to break the silence. In the end, against all expectations, it was Debbie who spoke up first, albeit not as confidently as she hoped it to come across.

“You said you knew I loved you.”

“Yes.”

“And, back then, when you left, you said you loved me, too.”

“Yes.”

“Then why _did_ you leave?” Debbie was afraid of the answer, she already knew she wouldn't like it, but she had to know.

Lou continued lazily twirling the stem of the wine glass between her fingers as she looked the Ocean dead in the eye, voice even and sure as anything. “Cos loving someone is no excuse to act like an asshole.”

The words were blunt, but Debbie could feel them pierce through her skin with deadly precision anyway. While she knew Lou was right, her pride still forced her to at least try to object. “I –“

The blonde however knew her long enough to have exactly none of it. “There is no excuse for how you acted, don't even go there. You might have been still unsure off what you wanted to do with your feelings, but instead you should have sat your ass down and thought really hard about what you actually wanted, not jump at me whenever your felt like it or your carefully constructed control slipped, cos – surprise – being at the receiving end of that is fucking hurtful.

“It was hard enough for me to realise I had been in love with you for years and years, this back and forth did exactly nothing to make it better. I was, and still am, sick of wondering if I'll ever be enough for you. I've already lived through that back then thanks to Claude and I don't need to live through it again.”

In the meantime, Debbie's eyes had slowly started to fill with unshed tears. She had feared that Lou might feel that way, Tammy had hinted enough at that during long night conversations, but hearing it out loud with the Australian's own words shook her to her core. A lump settled deep in her throat, she leaned over the table to grab both of Lou's hands, stilling the blonde’s fiddling with her glass in the process, and held on tightly.

“You are enough, Lou, you have always been. And I'm a goddamn idiot for not showing or telling you on the daily basis you deserve.”

Lou said nothing for a while, her gaze glued to the Ocean's hands covering her own. When she looked up again, her eyes had reddened as well. “So, what do you suppose we do now? You wrote that you've reached a conclusion.”

Debbie gulped loudly. This was the moment of truth she had been scared of for a long time. She pulled her hands back again and steeled herself for what she was about to say. “Well, as I've already said, I do love you. And you've been literally there every step of the way for longer than I can actually remember. I missed you more than anything when I was in prison, but somehow I still refused to acknowledge what it actually meant. Until you left. It hit me harder than I thought, cos when I ended up in jail it had been the circumstances that kept me from you, it was something I couldn't really fight, but when you left, that was your own choice.

“And for the first time I truly realised that it isn't for granted that you stuck with me all those years, that you took me in again after everything, that you risked everything again on a whim for me. The thought that I could actually lose you scared me senseless before I finally understood that it was my doing and shortcomings that made you leave, and that if I wanted you to stick around I'd have to get my shit together and treat you like you deserve. 

“And by God, I want you to stick around forever and I want to treat you like the amazing woman that you are deserves. So please, give me another chance, and be and stay with me, in every way there is.”

The look on Lou's face was unreadable once the brunette had finished her monologue. The longer the silence went on, the antsier Debbie got. She had reached the point of being just about to be ready to jump out of her skin, when the blonde coughed quietly and began to speak.

“Of course I still love you, but I had a lot of time to think these last few months, and I hear what you're saying, I really do, and I want the same, but, Debbie, I need you to stick to your word and cut the crap, otherwise I'm gone.” The Australian shook her head slowly as to emphasise her point. “My love for you might be unconditional, but being – and especially staying – with you is not.”

Debbie let the words sink in, trying to make sense of everything she'd heard within the last minutes. However, there was something crucial she still needed to say, or rather ask.

“I'm sorry for everything. Can you forgive me?”

The surprise at that was clearly evident in Lou's face. “Well well well, jailbird, I'd never thought I'd live to see the day you'd actually say those words in that order, let alone with sincerity behind them”, a small smile formed on Debbie's lips at the nickname, “we're good. For now.”

“Until I fuck up again?”

“Yeah, until then.”

A small but ever-growing bubble of relief and happiness floated up inside Debbie. Right in that moment, the Ocean cursed the table between them, as she wanted nothing more to kiss the timid smile, that had graced Lou's face during her last words, off her. She could have easily rounded the offending piece of furniture to do just that, but instead she went to collect their long empty glasses. It was up to Lou to initiate any physical contact, she had decided, since her own actions in this regard months ago had been a crucial part in creating this whole conflict in the first place.

“It's time for some actual rest, don't you think?”

Where she had felt the tension of their dispute dissipating slowly, something else was now building up in the air around them as they walked up the stairs together. Before they knew it, they found themselves in the same position again that had started the whole turmoil – in front of Debbie's bedroom door, her hand lying unsure on the handle.

Realising the implications of the situation, Debbie smiled awkwardly. “So...”

The Australian quirked an eyebrow. “So?”

“See you tomorrow afternoon once you've risen from the dead?”

With a snort and shaking her head, Lou turned around and took two steps into the direction of her own room. Just when Debbie was about to push her door open, she heard the blonde abort her movements and turned around to face her once more. A long stride later, Lou was right in front of her again, an almost unreadable expression in her eyes.

“Please don’t make me regret this, Ocean.”

Debbie didn’t get to ask what she meant by that, her breath getting caught in her throat as Lou leaned forward and brought their lips together in a soft kiss. Instantly, an unfamiliar yet familiar feeling washed over her and she melted against Lou's solid body in front of her. This wasn't like any kiss they had previously shared; this wasn't born from a loss of control, this was honest, deliberate, and raw.

Cradling the Australian's head in her hand, the other wandering to where her shirt had ridden up slightly at her hip and sliding her thumb over the soft skin there, she went to deepen the kiss, pouring into it everything she'd already said out loud and all the things she had no words for.

As they broke apart to catch their breath, she looked at the woman – her best friend for forever – in front of her, her flushed cheeks and bright eyes, pupils blown wide and swallowing almost all off her stormy blue irises, and decided she never wanted to let go of this beautiful creature, so God help her.

“I don't want to make you regret anything ever again.”

Lou's reply came out hoarsely, their kiss still leaving her reeling, sending shivers racing all over Debbie's body. “Prove it.”

 

And just like that, with Debbie's head between her legs, her mouth finding all the right places and pushing all the right buttons as if they'd been doing this for ages, Lou felt as if the last puzzle piece had finally clicked into place.

Debbie looking up at her through her dark lashes, eyes impossibly dark, and sucking hard was what made her come undone in the end, stars burning up behind her eyelids. Eyes still clamped shut and panting heavily, she buried both her hands in brown strands and tugged her up to engage her in a searing kiss.

The taste of herself on the Ocean's tongue spurred her on again, and she flipped them both over, stripping Debbie slowly, touch by touch and lick by lick, of the control she had allowed her to take. The feeling of Debbie arching against her, feeling her pulse racing under her lips, feeling her clench around her fingers, this was something she wanted to experience again and again, to create memory over memory, Lou decided.

 

Later that night, legs tangled under the sheets, Lou’s naked form pressed up against her back from behind, Debbie felt relieved and at the same time as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. She felt Lou’s soft breath tingling the hair on her neck and the steady beat of her heart against her spine, but despite knowing she should be over the moon right now, something within her wouldn’t let her enjoy the moment completely.

Suddenly, she felt Lou stirring behind her and tightening the grip around her middle in an aborted stretch. Her hoarse voice reached Debbie’s ears and made shivers roll down her spine.

“Have you always been thinking this loudly? Just spill it before I get tinnitus.”

It took a bit of effort until Debbie had turned around fully to face her. “Do you think we moved too fast with this?”

Lou didn’t even bat an eye. “You’re right, more than twenty years of pining isn’t exactly taking it slow, maybe another three to five years would’ve been better. Y’know, to see if we  _really_ are gone for each other.”

With a huff, the brunette lightly slapped the Australian’s hip under the sheets just to let her hand travel random paths up and down the soft skin of her thigh and side right afterwards, eliciting a content hum, the arms around her own middle tightening and pulling her impossibly closer to the blonde's warm body.

“Maybe it was too fast, maybe it was long due, I don't know. Just promise me, that when I wake up tomorrow, you’ll still be here and not freaking out somewhere far away.”

Debbie pushed a stray strand of hair out of Lou’s face. “So if I freak out here it's okay?”

The blonde caught her hand against her own cheek and silently regarded her with a long look, searching for something in her brown eyes. Apparently she found what she had been looking for by the way her face softened almost imperceptibly, and she turned her face to press a gentle kiss to Debbie’s palm and then the necklace that was still wound tightly around her wrist.

Her voice was a soft yet raw whisper. “Yeah, but something tells me you won’t.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... happy? Sad? Let me know! :) <3
> 
> Song: Einmal im Leben / Once in a lifetime ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OC9WaoMyAfs )
> 
> yeah maybe you think it's hopeless, it's unobtainable, way too big  
> yeah maybe I'm just out of my mind, fallen for you with heart and soul  
> tell me how often do you meet this one person  
> and everything just fits perfectly  
> this just can't happen
> 
> maybe just once in a lifetime  
> when everything's spinning inside you  
> when you can't believe it's real  
> and this is the only thing that's missing  
> maybe just once in a lifetime  
> the greatest risk of all  
> you build up all your courage  
> and drop your masks
> 
> I can't protect you from pain  
> and I can't rid the world of its dangers  
> but i can hold you and stand by you  
> and walk through this life together with you  
> Cos everything I want and need  
> is right here in my arms  
> words can't change that, no
> 
> maybe just once in a lifetime  
> when everything's spinning inside you  
> when you can't believe it's real  
> and this is the only thing that's missing  
> maybe just once in a lifetime  
> the greatest risk of all  
> you build up all your courage  
> and drop your masks
> 
> you say every oath gets broken someday  
> but I believe in our time together  
> and I won't look back anymore  
> this just can't be real


	15. This belongs to solely you and me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like all the others, Rose watched the scene unfolding with amusement before she addressed Tammy quietly enough for the two squabbling women not to hear. “Why does it seem like they’re bickering even more now? Didn’t you say they made up?”
> 
> “Oh they did. If I had to guess I’d say this is part of their foreplay now” the blonde replied drily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gays, gaaaaaaaaaays, this is the last chapter. Well, /real/ chapter. Don't worry, there is one thing more to come, but it's an epilogue, so...
> 
> This chapter is very fluffy, I think. It's not teeth-rottingly sweet, but still. 
> 
> Before I forget: this chapter's song is the one that started everything and I love it to pieces.
> 
> Epilogue will be online either on the 31/3 or 7/4, depending on how nicely you ask cos I'm a slut for validation <3

Sunlight filtered through the blinds and tickled her nose. Clearly displeased, Lou grunted and tried to turn around from the offending rays. However, she was stopped by an arm around her waist. Slightly confused, she reluctantly willed her eyes to open a bit to find out what was happening and blinked her vision into focus.

“Good morning, sleepy head.”

If she hadn’t been hit instantly with a wave of happiness at Debbie’s face, she might have pulled the blanket over her head. “Have you been staring at me while I was sleeping? That’s just creepy, Debs.”

“And I’d thought you’d be happy to see I’m still here”, the brunette replied with a bashful smile on her lips.

“I am, but I wish sleep was still here as well.”

Debbie laughed, her voice just as raspy from sleep, and started sing-songing. “You love meee, you’ll be stuck with me for-e-veeer.”

The Australian covered her head with her pillow. “You watched that ridiculous movie again.”

“Hey, don’t diss Gracie Hart, she’s amazing! Also I can still remember that look on your face when she wore that bikini, you were just about ready to drool.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Was too.”

“Ugh, shut up.”

“Make me.”

For a long second, they stared each other down, the air shifting almost visibly around them, until Lou rolled her naked body on top of the Ocean, her equally bare thighs spreading instinctively to accommodate the blonde, and captured her lips in a bruising kiss.

  
  


They both were a bit wary around each other after getting out of bed, fearing that everything might be different from now on, that there might be a need to adjust and relearn their dynamics, but as it turned out nothing had changed – apart from the newfound possibility to now grab the other and engage her in a heated make out session or more wherever and whenever. _This_ was a change both could get happily behind.

~~

A few days later, Tammy stopped by to check up on Debbie as she hadn’t heard anything from her for almost a week now and was getting worried. Sure, the brunette had pulled herself back together and she was more than happy about that, but she had first-hand knowledge from Lou that relapses could happen anytime.

So, when she let herself into the loft and the first thing she saw was Lou pushing Debbie up against the poker table, her hand inside her pants and the Ocean clinging to her with a continuous string of moans falling from her lips, one could call her slightly surprised. In a split second she decided between throwing something at them and leaving as quietly as possible. However she did neither, instead slammed the Tupperware filled with her homemade lasagne on the next best surface and left without turning back, satisfied at the immediate silence following her wake.

Now she just had to wait until _that_ image finally faded from her brain.

Debbie was the first to react to the sudden sound. Her head snapped up from Lou’s shoulder, only catching a blond head leaving and the door falling shut. She was just about to voice her thoughts when Lou changed the angle of her movements, hitting all the right spots, and Debbie could do nothing more than to keen into the blonde’s ear as her orgasm washed over her.

Lou gently nuzzled her neck as she slowly pulled her back to the present. “I take it we had a visitor?”

The Ocean pushed her back and looked at her with wide eyes. “How can you be so calm about it?”, she watched Lou’s expression turning into a smug grin as she pulled her hand out of Debbie’s panties, “oh my God, you actually like that, you little perv! And if you haven’t given any other blonde a key to your loft then Tammy stopped by.”

“Thought so, I know that tupper-on-hard-surface sound anywhere”, she replied as she made room for Debbie to close her pants again.

Said woman looked up from her task with a raised eyebrow. “Are you serious?”

“Of course, it was her signature move when she was looking after me and found me on the couch knocked out from whatever I had used to ‘take the edge off’ the previous night. Used to wake me up ninety-six percent of the time.”

Debbie tried to swallow the lump in her throat at the reminder of Lou’s break down and tried to lighten the mood, quipping “if you can tell me what’s in the box now without looking, I’ll set you up for some kind of special talent scam.”

In lieu of replying to that, the Australian cradled the back of her skull with her clean hand and pulled her in to place a soft kiss to her forehead before she made her way over to the kitchen sink. “You don’t have to feel bad every time something from back then comes up. It’s over. Done. We’ll write some new chapters from now on.”

Of course Lou felt herself drifting off to dark places when her thoughts wandered back to that-time-when, and she wondered when, or if, that doubt in the back of her head about Debbie staying would ever vanish, but she had decided for herself to simply enjoy what they were having right now. Doubts and inner demons be damned.

As if on cue, arms snaked around her middle from behind and hot lips found their way to her neck. Lou hummed approvingly. “You wanna go another rou–“

“The buzzing of her phone on the counter interrupted her train of thought. She wanted to ignore it, however the arrival of more messages implied some sort of urgency and she relented.

Huffing annoyed, she tried to grab it without breaking Debbie’s embrace. The Ocean finally stopped peppering her neck with kisses as a semi-frustrated groan reached her ears. “What is it, babe? Something wrong with the club?

The blonde didn’t answer. Instead, she just held her phone up for Debbie to see.

_Tammy: Thanks for letting me know you’re back_

_Tammy: And for that image, I need bleach for my brain now_

_Tammy: On the off chance you two are decent by then, I invited all the girls over to the loft for a welcome back party tomorrow evening_

Hiding her smile, the brunette buried her face in Lou’s shoulder. “I guess we deserve that.”

Smiling as well, Lou patted her hands in agreement. “We kinda do.”

~~

“Yooooo Dad!”

Lou didn’t even get the chance to turn around before a short figure slammed into her from behind, almost knocking the drinks she was about to carry to the living area out of her hands. She risked a glance down at the arms around her middle and sighed fondly. “I’m glad to see you too, Constance.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Oh my God, Constance, this can’t be your first question for her!” came the appalled outcry from Amita who had arrived - in stark contrast to the Asian girl - too early and was now holding her hands out for Lou to give her her second drink of the evening.

Lou heaved a dramatic sigh on her way back to the kitchen. “It’s okay, Amita, I’m aware that my most appreciated quality is in providing food and shelter, there is nothing else I bring to the table.”

Debbie watched her approaching from over the counters that separated the kitchen from the living area, seemingly amused. “I’ll have you know that there are a few more qualities I can think of that I really appreciate in you, my beloved Louise.”

Lou stopped dead, her eyes glinting dangerously. “Don’t Louise me, Thelma!”

The Ocean was never one to back down from a challenge when presented with one, being in jest or not. Determined, she walked up to the Australian, their faces only inches apart, and growled. “Oi, don’t you dare dragging this iconic movie into this!”

“Well, you started it! And while I really appreciate being your ride-or-die, I prefer to not drive off a cliff if I don’t really have to. So unless you want me to, don’t call me that.” Lou crossed her arms in front of her chest, knocking Debbie back a bit in the process and earning herself a disbelieving look.

Like all the others, Rose watched the scene unfolding with amusement before she addressed Tammy quietly enough for the two squabbling women not to hear. “Why does it seem like they’re bickering even more now? Didn’t you say they made up?”

“Oh they did. If I had to guess I’d say this is part of their foreplay now” the blonde replied drily.

As if the two women had heard the exchange, they were meeting in the middle of the kitchen to exchange a passionate kiss. Amita and Constance were the first to voice their opinion in unison on the display. “Eww, gross.”

Tammy had been sitting with her back to the kitchen the whole time as she didn’t need more visuals than she had already been bestowed with the day before, but seeing the tortured faces of the others in front of her, she decided to risk it and turned around. “Hey! Could you maybe not do this in front of the kids?!”

However, Tammy’s shout had the opposite effect. Instead of stopping as she had hoped they would, Lou only blindly flipped her the bird and pulled Debbie impossibly closer with her other arm. The younger blonde really hoped the sound she’d just heard from the Ocean was just her vivid imagination.

Reluctantly, Debbie pulled away after a while, adjusting the freshly rumpled collar of the blonde’s shirt. She still had to get used to this whole PDA thing. Sure, they’d always been quite tactile around each other, but this was a whole new level for her. “I think we should feed the kids before they start plotting our too early demise.”

“We?”, Lou raised both her eyebrows disbelievingly, “As far as I can remember _I_ spent the last few hours in the kitchen preparing everything.”

“That’s just cos you wouldn’t let me anywhere near the stove!”

“Cos as proud as I am of you not burning the house down in my absence, I don’t need to accept any more risk than necessary. Furthermore, we want to feed them, not kill them.”

The Ocean gracefully ignored the jab for something else. “Ha! You said ‘we’!”

A beat. “... you can carry the plates”, Lou finally conceded with a hint of mischief.

Before Debbie could protest, she silenced her with a peck to the lips, handed her a stack, and pushed her into the direction of the others, who just looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“What?”

Nine Ball was about to add something about grown-ups being gross and like love-sick puppies, when someone else demanded their attention.

Seeing the food about to be ready, Rose looked around, finding something amiss. “Shouldn’t we wait for Daphne?”

Debbie didn’t even look up from distributing the plates as she replied drily “And boost her ego even further? No thanks.”

Words and murmurs of affirmation were drowned out by Lou loudly putting down a tablet filled with all kinds of food, leading to a whole new noise level fuelled by excitement. Over all the hubbub and fight for the best pieces, the blonde groaned while stretching and subsequently let herself fall onto the couch, pulling both of Debbie’s legs over her left thigh and using them as a table for her own plate.

The bowls were halfway empty when, finally, Daphne made her grand entrance, banging the front door almost into the adjoining wall. When no one reacted adequately, everyone still too immersed in their food, she silently took in the image before her.

Without showing anything on her face, she plainly folded up her sunglasses, put them away, and quickly sat down before Constance could make a go the last chicken leg. Knowing it safe and sound on her own plate, she pointedly looked around.

“So, who won?”

Deafening silence took over the loft. Everyone suddenly seemed to be very interested in their food or other things somewhere in the distance. Every now and then someone dared to steal a glance at another.

Rose seemed especially distressed by the sudden tension and blurted “Has this weird skull-lightbulb-thingy always been around?”

Rolling her eyes, Lou put her plate down and regarded everyone with a stern look. “Oh come on, I knew you'd have a betting pool on us going, I'm not stupid. Just tell me who won so I can congratulate them.”

“Well”, Amita started cautiously, “we had to adjust the time frames a bit after you left so abruptly, but I think in the end Tammy called it.”

The Australian made a noncommittal noise and leaned back in her seat to wrap an arm around Debbie's shoulder. “Hadn't thought you'd let her join with all her previous knowledge of us…”, said woman was about to defend herself, but Lou effectively silenced her with a raised eyebrow before continuing, “... _and_ the fact that she was meddlin’ on both sides the whole time.”

“You WHAT?!”

A satisfied smirk on her lips, Lou clinked herself out of the conversation and watched on as the women started to bicker and argue about the rules of their little game. She knew Tammy would read her the riot act later for being an ungrateful brat and _how could you stab me in the back like that after everything?_ , but right now she had a different matter to address.

Gently, she buried her nose in Debbie's brown locks. “You've been awfully quiet through this whole thing.”

“Just enjoying the moment.” At the blonde's disbelieving huff, she decided to elaborate a bit. “How'd you know Tammy was working on both sides?”

“Cos, Deborah Ocean, you’re a fucking piece of work and would’ve taken much much longer to come around if someone else but me hadn’t pushed you into the right direction. Don’t look so affronted, you know it’s true. And same goes for me, I have to admit.”

The brunette hummed in agreement. “We have a lot to work through, don’t we?”

“Yeah, but we’ll manage.”

“We always do.”

Apparently the little fight about the betting pool had reached a conclusion in the meantime, since suddenly a visibly ruffled Tammy tried to catch their attention again. “So, Deb, when’s the next heist? Knowing you, you probably have at least five plans running simultaneously in your head. And no, this doesn’t mean I’m automatically on board.”

The Ocean just smiled mysteriously and leaned deeper into Lou’s warm and solid frame, intertwining their fingers in the process. “Ask me again in two weeks, right now I have everything I want.”

“Everything you want? How cheesy. You going soft on me now, Thelma?” The Australian was barely able to suppress a smile and decided to hide it by pressing a soft kiss to Debbie’s lips, feeling her melting into it (she decided to completely ignore the mix of wolf whistles and groaning that reached her ears in favour of savouring this feeling). When she pulled away again, bright brown eyes shone back at her.

“Shut up or I’ll drive us off that cliff myself, Louise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this was sappy, but I like bringing up the story's title at the end again so fight me (don't fight me, just let me know in the comments how you liked it :) )
> 
> Song: Thelma & Louise ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p8mLxgNAes )
> 
> We swore to ourselves that we'll live life  
> that we'll play the central roles in our movie  
> and we swore to ourselves if this really goes south  
> we'll pack our bags and get out of here
> 
> and nobody can take this from us  
> this belongs to solely you and me  
> let people talk, no, they won't stop us  
> just like Thelma and Louise  
> Thelma and Louise
> 
> we both always knew that there'll be a happy ending  
> until then we'll just rewrite our movie script  
> we always knew that we're oh so different  
> that's why we're so much alike  
> and no matter what happens you're by my side
> 
> and nobody can take this from us  
> this belongs to solely you and me  
> let people talk, no, they won't stop us  
> just like Thelma and Louise  
> Thelma and Louise
> 
> and nobody can take this from us  
> this belongs to solely you and me  
> just let people talk  
> we'll fight till the end like Thelma and Louise  
> Thelma and Louise


	16. Epilogue: You can't be a coincidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I bet even bald I’d still look ravishing.”  
> The Ocean pondered the image forming in her head. “Well, to me at least, and that’s all that matters.”  
> “Feeling particularly full of yourself tonight, Deborah?” Lou raised her eyebrows at her, but failed to hide her smile completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gays, that's it. The story's over. My God.
> 
> A big big thank you to everyone who read, gave kudos, and commented, it honestly means a lot to me. This is the first fic I've written after 7-8 years and I'm so thankful for the warm welcome I've received in this fandom. My heart goes out to you (and our gay disaster criminals) wherever you are.
> 
> You can still hmu on tumblr @how-to-sit-gay for anything, and if it's just about kicking me in the ass for the WIP that's been rotting in my drafts :D

Darkness, or as dark as it could get with the backdrop of Las Vegas in the picture, engulfed the two figures huddled together on the rooftop, breathing in the still warm summer air. A handful of stars were visible on the clear night sky, twinkling idly, the light betraying the probably already occurred death of its origins. The inevitability of life and death, however, was nothing the women were concerned with at the moment.

Absentmindedly, Debbie toyed with the ring on her finger, the quietness of the evening and the calming warmth of the body at her back forgotten.

“I still can’t believe Tammy made us put all this shit into our vows.”

“It’s been years”, came the steady voice from behind her, “You just love holding grudges. And can you really blame her, tho?”

A fond smile stole its way onto the brunette’s lips. “Nah, I’m really just mad I can’t be mad at her.”

Lou didn’t reply, too caught up in her own thoughts for a moment. A similar smile on her face, she lastly admitted quietly “Looking back, it all seems so petty.”

“Yeah, we were such idiots, too gone for the other to actually notice it was mutual all along”, Debbie shook her head before leaning back against the blonde’s shoulder to place a soft kiss right where her neck met her jaw.

A low hum vibrated from warm skin to her lips. “Very well said. Apropos idiot, rumour has it Becker’s getting out on parole soon.”

Debbie immediately stiffened in her arms. “Now why would you ruin the mood and bring him up?”

She felt Lou shrugging behind her. “I don’t want you to walk into him unprepared and be swept off your feet again.”

Instantly, Debbie wriggled free and turned around to face her, eyes wide in shock and mouth agape. “Oh my God, no! No! Lou! How dare you insinuate something like this! I –“ she noticed the mischievous glint in her wife’s eyes and the slowly broadening grin, “… I hate you.”

This earned her the loud laugh she usually enjoyed immensely – just not when she was at the end of the joke. “Oh baby, I’m pretty sure the opposite’s the case.”

“I admit, I do love you, but right now I don’t like you very much”, the brunette huffed indignantly, crossing her arms in front of her chest, but turning around and leaning into Lou again, nevertheless.

“That’s fair.”

Debbie was about to protest about the movement that had started behind her, being afraid Lou wanted to get up, yet when she found herself enveloped again by not only the Australian’s arms, but a blanket as well, she almost purred contentedly.

“I’m still wondering if you’re actually cold-blooded, like, literally” Lou stated somewhat gruffily in lieu of an explanation.

The Ocean knitted her brows in confusion. Realising Lou wasn’t able to see the unspoken question on her face, she finally gave in. “What do you mean?”

A shrug. “Well, when it’s hot out I have the feeling your body is almost burning, and when it’s cold your temperature seems to drop as well. Like a lizard.”

Debbie turned sideways to look her in the eyes, finding a warmth there she suddenly noticed missing from the night air surrounding them. Deserts were a tricky thing, temperature-wise. “You have the most random ways to tell me you care”, she placed a chaste kiss to Lou’s soft lips, “how about ‘ _I don’t want you to be freezing and uncomfortable, let’s take the blanket_ ’ next time?”

“I’m more in favour of ‘ _you’re a nuisance when you’re sick, so I have to try and keep you from getting hypothermia since you don’t know your limits’_ , actually.”

“I love you, too.”

“I know.”

Debbie rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Thanks, Han Solo.”

“You know I’d rock that outfit” came the immediate rebuttal while Lou was pulling her into her own body again, but this time not back to front, but sideways, granting her a better look at her face.

It was obvious Debbie had given this some thought already. “You would, albeit it’s way too inconspicuous for you.”

The blonde shrugged. “Maybe someday. I’ve heard old age makes you kinda calm and boring.”

“Aww baby, you’re only as old as you feel.”

Grinning, she raised a challenging eyebrow at the Ocean. “Well, I wouldn’t know, I’m not the one around here with grey streaks.”

Of course Debbie had to rise to the bait. “That’s just cos unlike others I don’t slap on hair dye on a monthly basis.”

Sniffing and pretending to be hurt, the Australian put a hand to her chest, proclaiming dramatically “I will maintain this style until my dying day.”

After three decades with this woman, Debbie was buying exactly nothing of this act and deadpanned “I think your hair will fall out first.”

“And I bet even bald I’d still look ravishing.”

The Ocean pondered the image forming in her head. “Well, to me at least, and that’s all that matters.”

“Feeling particularly full of yourself tonight, Deborah?” Lou raised her eyebrows at her, but failed to hide her smile completely.

Tongue-in-cheek, Debbie mimicked her grin, highlighting the laugh lines that had formed around the corners of her mouth over the years. “You always brought out the best in me.”

Lou had nothing to add to that, so she decided to let Debbie have this small victory. Allowing the silence to spread out between them again, she pressed her lips to a spot on Debbie’s hair, close to her temple, where comparatively many grey hairs had accumulated, her heart ready to burst out of her chest. It still took her by surprise from time to time how in love she was with this stubborn, infuriating, brilliant, and overall amazing woman.

When she felt the cold getting to her, she decided to definitely call it a night.

Gently, she prodded at Debbie’s shoulder to get her attention. “Come on, time for bed. We got a long day ahead tomorrow.”

“Since when are you the one responsible for the timetables?” Her reply was muffled by the blanket she’d drawn up to her eyes in the meantime.

“Since you married me and I’m bound by law to tuck you in when you get all droopy-eyed.”

The Ocean still refused to detangle herself from the warming piece of fabric, her weak protest barely reaching Lou’s ear. “I don’t think that phrase was part of the ceremony.”

Lou snorted. “You wouldn’t know, you were searching frantically for your reading glasses while wearing them two days ago.”

Finally, Debbie pulled off the blanket and shot her wife a more than scandalised look. “For one, I still have to get used to them, okay, and for two, we’re talking about my long-time memory here. That day, four years ago today I’ll have you know, is burnt into my memory _en detail_.”

“How Constance knocked over the candles and almost burned the whole thing down, as well?” Lou knew full well that not a single person who’d been there would ever forget that part of the party, but she just loved reminding Debbie of it and in consequence riling her up - not in the good way - a bit.

On cue, the brunette groaned at the memory. “Especially that.”

Lou pressed a last soft kiss to her lips. “Let’s get inside and check up on the kids.”

~~

_Las Vegas Sun, Sunday, July 19th 2026_

_**Robbers relieve multiple casinos of 500 million dollars** _

_Twenty-five years after the Bellagio had been robbed of a total of 160 million dollars, fate has hit the famous gambling hall again._

_Within the course of Saturday evening, a series of robberies spread over the city’s most renowned casinos, all operated by MGM Resorts International, one of which the Bellagio, leaving nothing but empty vaults in its wake. In total, an estimation of half a billion dollars is missing._

_The Bellagio had increased its security systems drastically after the famous robbery back in 2001, setting it to a higher standard than even the pentagon or the White House, according to a spokesperson for MGM. However, this did not pose a threat to the still unidentified person(s)._

_Las Vegas police department suspects a group of organized criminals to be responsible based on the extent of the crime, albeit no evidence has been presented so far, the only proof of anything happening at all remain empty vaults. If only walls could talk._

  
  


Debbie glanced up at Lou perched on the armrest beside her, asking wordlessly if she'd finished reading, before folding up the newspaper. She looked at the eight other women in front of them, each different in their own way, some around for more than thirty years like Tammy, others being fairly new to the team like Veronica. A small but more than satisfied smile formed on her lips.

“Good job, ladies.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you <3
> 
> Song: Nach einer wahren Geschichte (based on a true story; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py7qjmb1WCk )
> 
> Close my eyes and close every door  
> keep everything outside, cos I don't need that with you  
> Thoughts are quieting down and everything becomes silent  
> I see you smiling, see everything I want
> 
> It was such a hard day, cost too much strength  
> and sometimes I just can't anymore  
> but then you catch me, I don't know how you do it
> 
> and then we're sitting up here on the roof of the world  
> and we hold each other tightly  
> No one can get to us, steal our dreams  
> us two against the rest  
> based on a true story without resemblance  
> you can't be a coincidence
> 
> I'm planning so much and you already have a plan  
> Together we always make it somehow  
> No matter which detour we're on right now  
> I know it's the right way  
> and no matter what people tell each other
> 
> cos we're sitting up here on the roof of the world  
> and we hold each other tightly  
> No one can get to us, steal our dreams  
> us two against the rest  
> based on a true story without resemblance  
> you can't be a coincidence


End file.
